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I think too much sometimes. I'm so good at pushing everything to the back of my mind,but sometimes I can't stop the past from creeping back and flooding my thoughts. All of a sudden I'm there again,reliving every moment,feeling every pain. EVERYTHING. It all comes rushing back so unexpected,yet so vivid. I am laying in that white van again. I can feel the cold,torn leather pressed up against my back. I smell the stench of alcohal and cigarettes on his breath. I feel his sweat dripping on my face. I hear his raspy voice,and the distant music booming in my ears. A knot is in my throat. My heart is pounding. Every second feels like an hour. Am I a coward? Or am I brave? Did I let you get away with it? Or did I let myself move on? How did I so easily dry my tears and push it aside? How have I gone on the past 7 years,2 months,& 20 days without speaking of it? I will never be able to erase your face,I have tried so hard. I hate you. Fuckin shit I HATE YOU!!!! Not a single day passes where I dont remember. I can't face the dark world,or hear a sound without fear. I could have done more. I could of done more. Why was I so weak in those trecherous moments? I hope you're dead somewhere. & dear God I hope I was the only one.