To Do Or Not To Do.....
I have come to realize that there is a bit of internal dissonance when it comes to my desires and my ambition. It seems I desire that which I am unwilling to work for. I worry because my life does not look anything like what I hoped it would at this stage, and yet I make no effort to make the changes required to accomplish that ideal.
Perhaps it comes from my idea of what each stage in my life would be like without regard of the preparation it takes prior to the moment I cross into that stage. It all made so much sense in theory: childhood - carefree and happy, teen years - rebellious and exciting, 20's - full of discovery, 30's - career, marriage, organization and responsibility, 40's - mini van driving soccer mom-type, and eventually on into a happy retirement with my husband.
But it seems that the execution takes more planning and preparation than I thought. Which I guess makes sense. I mean, what did I think? I would go to sleep one night an impulsive, creative, slightly spontaneous twenty-something and wake up the next morning a responsible, organized and totally together thirty-something?
And now I am sitting here at the eve of the new stage and wondering how on earth I can make my life look acceptable in a few short weeks. Each day I think "hmmm... I could do this or that to at least take a step closer. Or I could ignore the 'shoulds' and do nothing productive at all... Hooray for being a slacker!" It's procrastination at it's finest.
I really do want to make some changes in my life and lifestyle, but I really don't want to put the effort into the actual change. It's a frustrating place to be sitting and the worst part is, I'm not yet frustrated enough to do anything about it.
Perhaps it comes from my idea of what each stage in my life would be like without regard of the preparation it takes prior to the moment I cross into that stage. It all made so much sense in theory: childhood - carefree and happy, teen years - rebellious and exciting, 20's - full of discovery, 30's - career, marriage, organization and responsibility, 40's - mini van driving soccer mom-type, and eventually on into a happy retirement with my husband.
But it seems that the execution takes more planning and preparation than I thought. Which I guess makes sense. I mean, what did I think? I would go to sleep one night an impulsive, creative, slightly spontaneous twenty-something and wake up the next morning a responsible, organized and totally together thirty-something?
And now I am sitting here at the eve of the new stage and wondering how on earth I can make my life look acceptable in a few short weeks. Each day I think "hmmm... I could do this or that to at least take a step closer. Or I could ignore the 'shoulds' and do nothing productive at all... Hooray for being a slacker!" It's procrastination at it's finest.
I really do want to make some changes in my life and lifestyle, but I really don't want to put the effort into the actual change. It's a frustrating place to be sitting and the worst part is, I'm not yet frustrated enough to do anything about it.