Almost but not quite summer
So, as per, Katalina and I went down the shore yesterday for Jenkinson's Anniversary party (which I tried in vain to insert the link to, but I'm kind of a Luddite sometimes), which is always a good time. Jersey Shore cover bands, strange people, you know, usual shore mayhem and madness. I really do like Jenks though; in a bar that size, it's difficult to feel comfortable, but we've been going there so long I guess that everyone kind of knows us. So yeah, Jenks, good times, and also a night full of really interesting pick up lines and bizarre situations involving men. I've divided them into categories.
The Cute and Harmless AKA Doo-da-doo Award:
I was hanging on the back porch waiting for Katalina and having a smoke, when one of the security guards comes over and says, "Hey! Cheer up!" I looked at him quizzically. "Well, its just, you know, you're standing there with your arms folded and your cigarette and sunglasses and you look kinda miserable, " he says. I told him I wasn't miserable, but looking miserable usually comes in handy because no one talks to me. That barb went flying over his head and he sticks out his hand and says, "Huh, that's weird. I'm Ken! What's your name?" Honestly, I had to talk to him after that. I mean, come on! How clueless can you be? I figure anyone that clueless must be pretty harmless. And he was a pretty harmless guy.
The AWKWARD as All Hell Award:
I ran into this guy, Chris, whom I got to know simply by just going to Jenks all the damned time. Apparently he was having awkward-like issues involving an ex being there. So, we're outside having a smoke break, and talking about the perils of dating. He, in particular, was being quite vocal about how much dating sucks when I noticed his face went white as a sheet and he's staring at something behind me. Of course, that turned out to be the ex, standing behind me, giving me quite the death stare. AWKWARD. Personally, I felt like the death stare was pretty unwarranted, considering the fact that I'd rather lick a pile of wet leaves than actually kiss this kid, but even so. Rather uncomfortable.
The Cheesy McCheester Award:
"Hey, can you take off your glasses?" "Ok, sure." ::takes off glasses:: "Why did I have to take off my glasses?" "Because I wanted to see what Lois Lane looks like without her glasses." Oy vey...
The WTF???? Award:
My personal favorite. I notice that I'm being stared down by this guy as I'm (once again) outside with Kat, having a smoke. On our way back towards the inside bar, I had to walk past him, and he grabs my arm and says, "Hey stranger!" I was like, do I know this guy? So I say hey and he responds with, "I cleaned your toilet last night!" ... I was struck dumb. How does one even respond to that? Is that some sort of dirty metaphor? Did he really mean that last night, unbeknownst to me, he was somewhere in my house using a toilet brush and some Scrubbing Bubbles? I'm still trying to figure out what exactly was going there. I didn't even have a witty response! Me! No witty response! I just had to walk away. Congratulations, Flushles the Toilet Cleaning Clown, you take the prize. And such a close call, barely edging out the ever-popular "Nice hooters."
That's my weekend. Nothing like a day at the Jersey shore to make you simulataneously objectified and yet satisified that never in my life will I be as dumb as those people. Hoo-rah.
The Cute and Harmless AKA Doo-da-doo Award:
I was hanging on the back porch waiting for Katalina and having a smoke, when one of the security guards comes over and says, "Hey! Cheer up!" I looked at him quizzically. "Well, its just, you know, you're standing there with your arms folded and your cigarette and sunglasses and you look kinda miserable, " he says. I told him I wasn't miserable, but looking miserable usually comes in handy because no one talks to me. That barb went flying over his head and he sticks out his hand and says, "Huh, that's weird. I'm Ken! What's your name?" Honestly, I had to talk to him after that. I mean, come on! How clueless can you be? I figure anyone that clueless must be pretty harmless. And he was a pretty harmless guy.
The AWKWARD as All Hell Award:
I ran into this guy, Chris, whom I got to know simply by just going to Jenks all the damned time. Apparently he was having awkward-like issues involving an ex being there. So, we're outside having a smoke break, and talking about the perils of dating. He, in particular, was being quite vocal about how much dating sucks when I noticed his face went white as a sheet and he's staring at something behind me. Of course, that turned out to be the ex, standing behind me, giving me quite the death stare. AWKWARD. Personally, I felt like the death stare was pretty unwarranted, considering the fact that I'd rather lick a pile of wet leaves than actually kiss this kid, but even so. Rather uncomfortable.
The Cheesy McCheester Award:
"Hey, can you take off your glasses?" "Ok, sure." ::takes off glasses:: "Why did I have to take off my glasses?" "Because I wanted to see what Lois Lane looks like without her glasses." Oy vey...
The WTF???? Award:
My personal favorite. I notice that I'm being stared down by this guy as I'm (once again) outside with Kat, having a smoke. On our way back towards the inside bar, I had to walk past him, and he grabs my arm and says, "Hey stranger!" I was like, do I know this guy? So I say hey and he responds with, "I cleaned your toilet last night!" ... I was struck dumb. How does one even respond to that? Is that some sort of dirty metaphor? Did he really mean that last night, unbeknownst to me, he was somewhere in my house using a toilet brush and some Scrubbing Bubbles? I'm still trying to figure out what exactly was going there. I didn't even have a witty response! Me! No witty response! I just had to walk away. Congratulations, Flushles the Toilet Cleaning Clown, you take the prize. And such a close call, barely edging out the ever-popular "Nice hooters."
That's my weekend. Nothing like a day at the Jersey shore to make you simulataneously objectified and yet satisified that never in my life will I be as dumb as those people. Hoo-rah.