Some tips....
once upon a time my friends jen, jess, and I decided we were the world’s best stalkers. give us less than a day and we could find out where someone lives and what their parents names are. give us another day and we would be out front of that person’s house… most likely armed with tampons and assorted feminine products (it wasn’t us… I swear!) that were begging us to throw them in the driveway. If you’re lucky you only got TPed... Give or take 3 days, we’d be following your car around a neighborhood or two… if you weren’t so lucky we’d be staked out of whatever store you were in. Not creepy at all. Perfectly normal… to be institutionalized for this kind of behavior.
So I think this little power trip we were on has been rubbing off on me lately. Not so much stalking wise, but getting information and using it to my advantage. Mary and I have been asked on numerous occasions, “How do you two do that!?”… simple! We 1)act like we own the place 2)pretend like we know what we’re doing 3)get really drunk 4)somehow have the luck to experience the things we do… why? I’m not sure. I think it’s God’s way of saying, “This is a test. You do this now, I’ll punish you later!” Which I guess as long as you can deal with the consequences then you’re in the running for a good time now, but a hell of a bad time later. Nothing comes for free afterall.
But what about meeting all those bands? It’s called being in the right place at the right time. (Or being so drunk that people think we pretty much are hilarious and are willing to go at any length to do whatever they think will make our little hearts content… so as to get in our pants most likely… can we say “SUCKS FOR YOU ASSHOLES!!!”) There are of course the exceptions where Mary and I are the ones doing the smooth talking and in return don’t have to make much effort to get what we want. Case in point: At Bogart’s when Mary and I had made friends with security and well, my drunk ass was out of money… so I walked up to a security guard, batted my eyes, and said, “I’m out of money. what do I have to do to whore some beer around here?” And his reply was, “How much money do you need?” as he pulls out a wad of bills…. BINGO!!!! Thanks for contributing to the already too drunk to function ass of a minor… hey it was only 7 days short of my birthday! And look where mine and Mary’s ability to smooze got us.
So that my friends is how stalking/taking advantage of situations comes in handy. I might have bribed LIT with 5 handles of vodka to get on their bus in Daytona with my girls… but that stupid kid that claimed he was the guitarist’s brother should have realized I wasn’t that stupid and knew his sorry ass wouldn’t be getting us closer to getting on the bus than maybe 5 feet away… enough to breath the bus fumes. Once again… bribery kids, is a girls’ best friend. Oh yeah, and use your boobs to your advantage. God didn’t just give them to us to feed something that we wouldn’t have until like 30 years AFTER we were born. Think about it….
So I think this little power trip we were on has been rubbing off on me lately. Not so much stalking wise, but getting information and using it to my advantage. Mary and I have been asked on numerous occasions, “How do you two do that!?”… simple! We 1)act like we own the place 2)pretend like we know what we’re doing 3)get really drunk 4)somehow have the luck to experience the things we do… why? I’m not sure. I think it’s God’s way of saying, “This is a test. You do this now, I’ll punish you later!” Which I guess as long as you can deal with the consequences then you’re in the running for a good time now, but a hell of a bad time later. Nothing comes for free afterall.
But what about meeting all those bands? It’s called being in the right place at the right time. (Or being so drunk that people think we pretty much are hilarious and are willing to go at any length to do whatever they think will make our little hearts content… so as to get in our pants most likely… can we say “SUCKS FOR YOU ASSHOLES!!!”) There are of course the exceptions where Mary and I are the ones doing the smooth talking and in return don’t have to make much effort to get what we want. Case in point: At Bogart’s when Mary and I had made friends with security and well, my drunk ass was out of money… so I walked up to a security guard, batted my eyes, and said, “I’m out of money. what do I have to do to whore some beer around here?” And his reply was, “How much money do you need?” as he pulls out a wad of bills…. BINGO!!!! Thanks for contributing to the already too drunk to function ass of a minor… hey it was only 7 days short of my birthday! And look where mine and Mary’s ability to smooze got us.
So that my friends is how stalking/taking advantage of situations comes in handy. I might have bribed LIT with 5 handles of vodka to get on their bus in Daytona with my girls… but that stupid kid that claimed he was the guitarist’s brother should have realized I wasn’t that stupid and knew his sorry ass wouldn’t be getting us closer to getting on the bus than maybe 5 feet away… enough to breath the bus fumes. Once again… bribery kids, is a girls’ best friend. Oh yeah, and use your boobs to your advantage. God didn’t just give them to us to feed something that we wouldn’t have until like 30 years AFTER we were born. Think about it….