(no subject)
i must have read his recent message a hundred times.Im still not sure what to make of it. There are some things that make me wonder, and some I think I know exactly what he means. I do know that it makes me very confused about what I thought I had put behind me. It blurs the lines of reality in my mind and makes me want to believe everyhting he offers as truth. In doing so am I to be burned again? will it turn my world upside down and throw off the already very unsturdy balance of what my life is right now. It is no uncertain fact that I am at a point where I will easily fall, that my sanity is very fragile right now. Can I afford to let him back into my life, even as just a friend? That is all that there is to offer right now, but if that weren't the case, what would I feel? And in feeling all of this uncertanity I feel so guilty. I called Travis to see where he was being that it was midnight and I had no idea what was goin on. he said he was at the hospital about to get x-rays done, I dont have any idea where, otherwise I would so be there, so here I sit worried about him, feeling liek I should be there with him to comfort whatever pain he may feel. I feel like a terrible girlfriend and Im helpless to stop it. I dont know when he will call back or what is going on and I wish I did. I feel so lost and thats not helping the other situation. he gave me his phone number... bad idea... Krystal does stupid crazy things when left alone late at night. It scares me, the darkness and the quiet, its eery...