Goings on.
Hey there.
Well, lately, I haven't been doing a whole ton. I've been working, of course. I've been spending my free time playing War of the Rings, with Bryan. Which is a fun game. Feeling a little useless and dull, though. It's kind of all a waste of time, though. :-/ Which is too bad. But oh well. I've got a whole lot to think about, too. But I'll get to that, later.
Y'know, for how expensive, and how popular it is... one would think Ghirardelli chocolate would be better. I quite like dark chocolate, and this is okay. But there is just something about it. I don't know. Now Cadbury... that's some good chocolate. :D
Well, what's been on my mind, is Indiana.
I don't know if Katie has this journal... I don't think so... But in any case, it's a problem. She's moving with her parents to Indiana. And that's happening in July or August. I need to decide if I move there with her. Or stay here...
It's a humongous decision. It may not seem so, but it really is. I cannot even fathom it, really. This is a list of things that would happen if I move, that are unpleasant:
I would need to get a different loan on my car,
I would need to get new insurance,
I would lose my job, which I thoroughly enjoy,
I'd need to find a new job, which I won't enjoy as much,
I would lose my family,
I have no money saved up for such a move,
I'd be living with people I can barely stand for 2 days at a time,
I'd be under the household of "parents," who aren't even mine,
I'd know nobody,
I'd live somewhere where I know nothing,
I won't know where anything is...
And so on from there. I thoroughly hate being in a situation where I don't have control, of at least my aspect of things. In Indiana, I would have control over nothing. I would need to live with her parents to survive, for a few months. In that amount of time, I would kill them, or myself. Whichever ended up being easiest. And if I was put in a situation where Katie and I could no longer get along... I would be stranded. I'd either have to deal with her and her parents, even longer, until I could move back... Or be in Indiana, alone.
I really can't handle the idea of being in that situation. I could not deal with relying that much on those people. I don't know... it's too much at the moment.
I don't know how many people read this, but if you do, feel free to offer insight. :) I would appreciate it.
Because I'm trying to figure it out... And I can get a great, long list like that for reasons not to... But when I try to come up with a reason -to- go... is to not lose her... I love her, I do... But the reality of what she's asking could be too much for me to do, at this time...
Am I a soulless mass for thinking of my comfort... for... thinking of me? I mean, should I be damned for considering letting the relationship absolve, over this? I mean, shouldn't I just think about the love?.. I don't know. That's hard. It'd be so much to try to live with her parents...
Ugh... I should probably rest. The answer will come. I still have time.
And by the way, Devil Doll is glorious. Not that anyone knows who Devil Doll is. :P
Well, lately, I haven't been doing a whole ton. I've been working, of course. I've been spending my free time playing War of the Rings, with Bryan. Which is a fun game. Feeling a little useless and dull, though. It's kind of all a waste of time, though. :-/ Which is too bad. But oh well. I've got a whole lot to think about, too. But I'll get to that, later.
Y'know, for how expensive, and how popular it is... one would think Ghirardelli chocolate would be better. I quite like dark chocolate, and this is okay. But there is just something about it. I don't know. Now Cadbury... that's some good chocolate. :D
Well, what's been on my mind, is Indiana.
I don't know if Katie has this journal... I don't think so... But in any case, it's a problem. She's moving with her parents to Indiana. And that's happening in July or August. I need to decide if I move there with her. Or stay here...
It's a humongous decision. It may not seem so, but it really is. I cannot even fathom it, really. This is a list of things that would happen if I move, that are unpleasant:
I would need to get a different loan on my car,
I would need to get new insurance,
I would lose my job, which I thoroughly enjoy,
I'd need to find a new job, which I won't enjoy as much,
I would lose my family,
I have no money saved up for such a move,
I'd be living with people I can barely stand for 2 days at a time,
I'd be under the household of "parents," who aren't even mine,
I'd know nobody,
I'd live somewhere where I know nothing,
I won't know where anything is...
And so on from there. I thoroughly hate being in a situation where I don't have control, of at least my aspect of things. In Indiana, I would have control over nothing. I would need to live with her parents to survive, for a few months. In that amount of time, I would kill them, or myself. Whichever ended up being easiest. And if I was put in a situation where Katie and I could no longer get along... I would be stranded. I'd either have to deal with her and her parents, even longer, until I could move back... Or be in Indiana, alone.
I really can't handle the idea of being in that situation. I could not deal with relying that much on those people. I don't know... it's too much at the moment.
I don't know how many people read this, but if you do, feel free to offer insight. :) I would appreciate it.
Because I'm trying to figure it out... And I can get a great, long list like that for reasons not to... But when I try to come up with a reason -to- go... is to not lose her... I love her, I do... But the reality of what she's asking could be too much for me to do, at this time...
Am I a soulless mass for thinking of my comfort... for... thinking of me? I mean, should I be damned for considering letting the relationship absolve, over this? I mean, shouldn't I just think about the love?.. I don't know. That's hard. It'd be so much to try to live with her parents...
Ugh... I should probably rest. The answer will come. I still have time.
And by the way, Devil Doll is glorious. Not that anyone knows who Devil Doll is. :P