Future Tense
I'm sitting here right now listening to a Girl on Guy podcast. Aisha Tyler is talking to Stephen Amell. I don't watch Arrow so I don't get any kind of thrill from him being in this conversation or anything. I just like Aisha a lot and I can listen to her talk to anyone and be entertained because ultimately people are really interesting when they are sharing who they really are and what they really feel. Aisha seems to bring that out of people. She's smart. She's witty. I know she's a comedian and is supposed to be funny, but she really doesn't make me guffaw. Instead, I just like her and how quick she is and the fact that she not only reads voraciously but she keeps up with the entertainment industry too and of course she works all the time and I think to myself, how does she do that? I wanna do that! Then I remember, she doesn't have any kids. Oh. Yeah. That's how she does it. OK. Still, I admire it. I admire anyone doing what they love to do. I do what I love to do, but there is still more I intend to do and yesterday was one of those days when I got to pondering about those next steps. I do that from time to time. (Bet you didn't see that coming, did you? Bet you thought this was an Aisha love fest. Sorry. No.)
My pondering this time was partially started by a former intern for whom I wrote a couple of grad school recommendations because she was super easy to do that for. I don't do it for everyone. But she was quick and smart and accommodating. Then she graduated college, which was near our office, and had to move back home, which was further away, and as much as we both didn't want it, she had to leave me. Being an intern at my manic company is actually a really great opportunity for someone who wants to do as much as possible and learn as much as possible and have much responsibility really early on because we are a small company with an entrepreneurial engine and we've been that way for 10 years. I've been there for 9 of those years and even though it's a rough marriage at times, I still love it, darn it. One reason is because it's been my utmost honor to be the main or one of the main managers of the interns in our department because my (now former) co-workers deemed me the mom of the group - and the most organized - and I guess it made sense for me to take charge of the babes. And it did make sense because I love helping people, guiding younger folk especially. (Why aren't they teaching more life stuff in college yet? It's crazy!) I have this innate need to take care of people - to a certain extent. I want people to be self-aware and fulfilled and to make the most of their opportunities and maybe there is something half-past professional about being that way, but this is me. I was born this way. And folk seem to be ok with it because it makes me a good fit for this weird non-traditional company.
So when the former intern told me about her college acceptances, I wasn't surprised. I was really proud of her, as I would be if my own kids had told me of thier success. She didn't have to wallow in that post-graduation mire of 'what's next" and "who will give me a chance." She had found not only another good new internship closer to home, but they had an office in the city of her new grad school. I thought about her and past interns who were also super smart and successful and who I was glad to have helped in some way along the way and it made me glad to be working a job where I help people in one way or another. It also made me want to do more with people more directly. Now I can't tell you what exactly. But I do enjoy sharing with my interns things I consider to be the most basic of life's info and watching them look at me like they had never thought of that before. Or in some cases tell me so. I'm never 100% sure they aren't just being nice listening to yammering me until I get emails of appreciation like hers or they tell me at some point how much they are getting out of their time with us and it inspires me all the more.
A long time ago I started looking at life as a whole and not just focus on the part I am in at the moment. I started thinking then that there were many things I would want to do, but I decided I didn't have to do them all by some self-imposed deadline. (Having that stupid pulmonary embolism last year certainly could have curtailed all that, but that mysterious brush with death only served to make me want to take care of me even more so I can continue on my way.) There was college, of course, and I loved the thought of interior design then and artistic things in general. But I kept English as my fallback because I've never not written and read. (I got into college for interior design but I did end up switching majors. Making other people's ideas come to life all the time lost its luster. Art, however, is still a love of mine.) The college road led me to journalism and thinking about one day working for a magazine, maybe writing a book. And when I thought magazine I actually thought two extremes - either Essence (which was born pretty much when I was, so it had been around my entire life and it remains the sum of everything that matters to me) or any entertainment gig, believe it or not. Maybe it's the artist in me. I don't know. I just find that whole world interesting for some reason and I never let go of that. Don't ask me what I could possibly try to do at this stage of the game, but I don't worry about stuff like that. I just know myself and I go with the flow and so far, so good. I wanted to write. Discovered I loved to edit too. I wanted to help people. I love being creative and artistic. I do all of that.
As I got older, I pondered the idea of being a therapist. I know. It seems left field, but it's really not. I've done things that gave me experience in that too, but I do hate the idea of being tied to people's issues for years and years. Especially because I get way too enmeshed. (Like that use of therapy terms?) But coaching? Now that sounded like a better possibility and when I was in my 30s I decided that might be where I'd head when I got to my 50s. I'm not there yet, but all the work I do with the interns keeps soldifying for me the need to do something akin to that. But before I get to that stage of life I could just write about it all, which I have done a couple of times. I need to do more. I'm working on it. So I write way more for fun than ever before, which led me here.
Since you don't KNOW me know me, this can all sound like one huge ramble. But this post is probably just for me. Reminding me that my pursuit of all things that speak to me and that allow me to put my gifts in action is a worthwhile, fulfilling pursuit. The random dots of my life always connect because I am the common denominator and God made us to be these three-dimensional beings who can appreciate and do a variety of things. I just try to take full advantage of that. I don't need my interests to make sense to anyone but me and Him. I just need to know my purpose and fulfill that to be fulfilled myself. Helping others, encouraging others through my writing, through my jobs, through my words spoken directly to them, through my action - that's what brings me joy and peace. I still love the idea of somehow doing somethng connected to the entertainment industry too. Don't ask me. I told you these dots can sometimes be random. But you never know. Living near NY could be helpful. The husband of one of my good friends is a screenwriter. My current job puts me in touch with all sorts of people, even those in that industry. I smile to think of a B list actor I thought was adorable years and years ago in a show I used to watch. Who'd ever think I'd end up working and becoming Facebook friends with him one day. You really just never know. You just have to admit what you want, be open to it, walk in that way, see what happens.
I really appreciate life right now.
My pondering this time was partially started by a former intern for whom I wrote a couple of grad school recommendations because she was super easy to do that for. I don't do it for everyone. But she was quick and smart and accommodating. Then she graduated college, which was near our office, and had to move back home, which was further away, and as much as we both didn't want it, she had to leave me. Being an intern at my manic company is actually a really great opportunity for someone who wants to do as much as possible and learn as much as possible and have much responsibility really early on because we are a small company with an entrepreneurial engine and we've been that way for 10 years. I've been there for 9 of those years and even though it's a rough marriage at times, I still love it, darn it. One reason is because it's been my utmost honor to be the main or one of the main managers of the interns in our department because my (now former) co-workers deemed me the mom of the group - and the most organized - and I guess it made sense for me to take charge of the babes. And it did make sense because I love helping people, guiding younger folk especially. (Why aren't they teaching more life stuff in college yet? It's crazy!) I have this innate need to take care of people - to a certain extent. I want people to be self-aware and fulfilled and to make the most of their opportunities and maybe there is something half-past professional about being that way, but this is me. I was born this way. And folk seem to be ok with it because it makes me a good fit for this weird non-traditional company.
So when the former intern told me about her college acceptances, I wasn't surprised. I was really proud of her, as I would be if my own kids had told me of thier success. She didn't have to wallow in that post-graduation mire of 'what's next" and "who will give me a chance." She had found not only another good new internship closer to home, but they had an office in the city of her new grad school. I thought about her and past interns who were also super smart and successful and who I was glad to have helped in some way along the way and it made me glad to be working a job where I help people in one way or another. It also made me want to do more with people more directly. Now I can't tell you what exactly. But I do enjoy sharing with my interns things I consider to be the most basic of life's info and watching them look at me like they had never thought of that before. Or in some cases tell me so. I'm never 100% sure they aren't just being nice listening to yammering me until I get emails of appreciation like hers or they tell me at some point how much they are getting out of their time with us and it inspires me all the more.
A long time ago I started looking at life as a whole and not just focus on the part I am in at the moment. I started thinking then that there were many things I would want to do, but I decided I didn't have to do them all by some self-imposed deadline. (Having that stupid pulmonary embolism last year certainly could have curtailed all that, but that mysterious brush with death only served to make me want to take care of me even more so I can continue on my way.) There was college, of course, and I loved the thought of interior design then and artistic things in general. But I kept English as my fallback because I've never not written and read. (I got into college for interior design but I did end up switching majors. Making other people's ideas come to life all the time lost its luster. Art, however, is still a love of mine.) The college road led me to journalism and thinking about one day working for a magazine, maybe writing a book. And when I thought magazine I actually thought two extremes - either Essence (which was born pretty much when I was, so it had been around my entire life and it remains the sum of everything that matters to me) or any entertainment gig, believe it or not. Maybe it's the artist in me. I don't know. I just find that whole world interesting for some reason and I never let go of that. Don't ask me what I could possibly try to do at this stage of the game, but I don't worry about stuff like that. I just know myself and I go with the flow and so far, so good. I wanted to write. Discovered I loved to edit too. I wanted to help people. I love being creative and artistic. I do all of that.
As I got older, I pondered the idea of being a therapist. I know. It seems left field, but it's really not. I've done things that gave me experience in that too, but I do hate the idea of being tied to people's issues for years and years. Especially because I get way too enmeshed. (Like that use of therapy terms?) But coaching? Now that sounded like a better possibility and when I was in my 30s I decided that might be where I'd head when I got to my 50s. I'm not there yet, but all the work I do with the interns keeps soldifying for me the need to do something akin to that. But before I get to that stage of life I could just write about it all, which I have done a couple of times. I need to do more. I'm working on it. So I write way more for fun than ever before, which led me here.
Since you don't KNOW me know me, this can all sound like one huge ramble. But this post is probably just for me. Reminding me that my pursuit of all things that speak to me and that allow me to put my gifts in action is a worthwhile, fulfilling pursuit. The random dots of my life always connect because I am the common denominator and God made us to be these three-dimensional beings who can appreciate and do a variety of things. I just try to take full advantage of that. I don't need my interests to make sense to anyone but me and Him. I just need to know my purpose and fulfill that to be fulfilled myself. Helping others, encouraging others through my writing, through my jobs, through my words spoken directly to them, through my action - that's what brings me joy and peace. I still love the idea of somehow doing somethng connected to the entertainment industry too. Don't ask me. I told you these dots can sometimes be random. But you never know. Living near NY could be helpful. The husband of one of my good friends is a screenwriter. My current job puts me in touch with all sorts of people, even those in that industry. I smile to think of a B list actor I thought was adorable years and years ago in a show I used to watch. Who'd ever think I'd end up working and becoming Facebook friends with him one day. You really just never know. You just have to admit what you want, be open to it, walk in that way, see what happens.
I really appreciate life right now.