69 considerations to bring before God, for the alleviation of baggage.
Hello reader/friend. I'm teaching my second year at DSM in Pontiac and among the undergrad classes they gave me this year is this counseling/boundries/relationship classes. One of the books I'm using as a source is by a favored psychologist of mine, H. Normal Wright. This particular book is entitled "Making Peace with your Past" and in the 2nd chapter the reader is encouraged to examine their own past.
I welcome you to dig into my closet (and yours if you like) as I answer the following questions. I'm going to make this post open for all comments but my next post will contain my answers to them and will be kept either completely private or "friends only". Not too long ago I cleared my friends list. That doesn't mean I wouldn't consider you a friend. If you're interested in jumping into the conversation or helping me sort my baggage, just ask.
Anyway, with these questions/directions, be careful not to open any door holding things back that you're not prepared to deal with. Each question is meant to be pondered, prayed about and answered honestly for the purpose of identifying which areas of your past are causing you unnecesary relational problems today. If you do go over the list and are having issues with it, find people to talk to, a pastor, spouse counselor, etc.. anyway, the following is an excerpt from the aforementioned book: [my edits on brackets]
---------------------
1. What were your moods as a child?
2. Were you happy, and if so, when?
3. [Recall] ..times when you were demanding, when you felt sorry for yourself or felt lonely.
4. Recall times when you purposely tried to elicit approval from your parents and how you tried to do this. What were the times when they gave you their approval, and how did you feel.?
5. What were your fears, and who knew about those fears?
6. How did others respond when you told them you were afraid?\
7. How did your brother or sister respond to you on a consistant basis.
8. What was your father's day-by-day and week-by-week attitude towards you?
9. What was your mother's continuous response and reaction?
10. Were they strict, indulgent, moralistic, demanding?
11. Did they demand perfection from you?
12. Were you catered to in anyway?
13. It is also important to remember how you reacted to these responses of others. Did you "buy" everything that was said about you?
14. Did you attempt to conform to every request?
15. Did you comply with others' expecations and requests?
16. What was your attitude like?
17. Were you disrespectful?
18. Did you become andry or sullen?
19. How did other people respond to your anger or sullenness?
20. Did you learn to use or work your parents to get your way?
21. What was your home atmosphere like? Happy, loving, tense, bickering, silent, depressogenic?
22. As you continue to search for your memories of your past, ask yopurself these questions of both parents,. Did he/she have time for me?
23. Was he/she home most of the time?
24. Could I approach him/her with my problems or difficulties?
25. How did he/she react?
26. And how did I handle that reaction?
27. What were/are the positive qualities of each parent?
28. What were/are the negative qualities of each parent?
29. Describe how you felt about each parent.
30. What emotions did/does each parent express?
31. Descrbe how each parent communicated/communicates with you.
32. Describe your most pleasant/unpleasant experience with each parent.
33. What messages did each parent give you in your early childhood and during your adolescence?
34. What are the messages today?
35. How did you react to those messages?
36. Describe how each parent punished you.
37. How did each parent share critisism with you?
38. How did you feel when this occurred?
39. In what ways are you simmilar to your father?
40. In what was are you different from your father?
41. In what ways are you simmilar to your mother?
42. In what ways are you different from your mother?
43. Was your relationship with your mother close or distant during childhood?
44. What has it been like in the past 10 years?
45. Was your relationship with your father close or distant during childhood?
46. What has it been like in the past 10 years?
47. Did you have brothers or sisters?
48. If so, what was your relationship with them then, and what is it like now?
[After this group of questions the author expands on how relationships to siblings may have played a minor role in some of the baggage creation.]
49. Consider your like today and then relate it to your past. In what situations do you fel the most uncomfortable?
50. Do these have any simmilarities to your past experiences?
51. In what situations is your anger excessive or inappropriate?
52. Are these times reminders of situations in your past?
53. Is this the way in which you responded as a child?
54. When do you experience fear or anxiety?
55. Who is present when fear or anxiety occurs?
56. How do these times remind you of experiences of your past?
57. Do you ever feel embarrassed and if so under what conditions?
58. When were you embarrassed as a child?
59. Who embarrassed you the most?
60 In what situations do you feel the most self-consious, why?
61. When did this same situation occur in the past?
62. When do you feel alone?
63. Is this a new feeling or one from the past that coninues to haunt you?
64. Who are the people today that you have the greatest difficulty in relating to?
65. Are they in any way simmilar or dissimmilar to significant people in your past?
66. Are yoiu reacting in your adult life as an adult or has your child response continued to emerge and live your life for you. [Objection your honor, leading the witness!]
67. Are you borrowing responses from your past, or have you developed your own healthy responses so that you are a free person?
[The following questions were taken from subsequent concluding paragraphs]
68. In what way is the presence of Jesus Christ in your life disconnecting your responses from your past to the present?
69. Are you becoming a free person and one who is living your present life without heavy anchors from your past slowing you down?
...Ask him to help you identify how you continue to treat yourself as others treated you in early years... Jesus Christ came to set us free...
---------------------------
That's it, good stuff. Peace in Christ.
I welcome you to dig into my closet (and yours if you like) as I answer the following questions. I'm going to make this post open for all comments but my next post will contain my answers to them and will be kept either completely private or "friends only". Not too long ago I cleared my friends list. That doesn't mean I wouldn't consider you a friend. If you're interested in jumping into the conversation or helping me sort my baggage, just ask.
Anyway, with these questions/directions, be careful not to open any door holding things back that you're not prepared to deal with. Each question is meant to be pondered, prayed about and answered honestly for the purpose of identifying which areas of your past are causing you unnecesary relational problems today. If you do go over the list and are having issues with it, find people to talk to, a pastor, spouse counselor, etc.. anyway, the following is an excerpt from the aforementioned book: [my edits on brackets]
---------------------
1. What were your moods as a child?
2. Were you happy, and if so, when?
3. [Recall] ..times when you were demanding, when you felt sorry for yourself or felt lonely.
4. Recall times when you purposely tried to elicit approval from your parents and how you tried to do this. What were the times when they gave you their approval, and how did you feel.?
5. What were your fears, and who knew about those fears?
6. How did others respond when you told them you were afraid?\
7. How did your brother or sister respond to you on a consistant basis.
8. What was your father's day-by-day and week-by-week attitude towards you?
9. What was your mother's continuous response and reaction?
10. Were they strict, indulgent, moralistic, demanding?
11. Did they demand perfection from you?
12. Were you catered to in anyway?
13. It is also important to remember how you reacted to these responses of others. Did you "buy" everything that was said about you?
14. Did you attempt to conform to every request?
15. Did you comply with others' expecations and requests?
16. What was your attitude like?
17. Were you disrespectful?
18. Did you become andry or sullen?
19. How did other people respond to your anger or sullenness?
20. Did you learn to use or work your parents to get your way?
21. What was your home atmosphere like? Happy, loving, tense, bickering, silent, depressogenic?
22. As you continue to search for your memories of your past, ask yopurself these questions of both parents,. Did he/she have time for me?
23. Was he/she home most of the time?
24. Could I approach him/her with my problems or difficulties?
25. How did he/she react?
26. And how did I handle that reaction?
27. What were/are the positive qualities of each parent?
28. What were/are the negative qualities of each parent?
29. Describe how you felt about each parent.
30. What emotions did/does each parent express?
31. Descrbe how each parent communicated/communicates with you.
32. Describe your most pleasant/unpleasant experience with each parent.
33. What messages did each parent give you in your early childhood and during your adolescence?
34. What are the messages today?
35. How did you react to those messages?
36. Describe how each parent punished you.
37. How did each parent share critisism with you?
38. How did you feel when this occurred?
39. In what ways are you simmilar to your father?
40. In what was are you different from your father?
41. In what ways are you simmilar to your mother?
42. In what ways are you different from your mother?
43. Was your relationship with your mother close or distant during childhood?
44. What has it been like in the past 10 years?
45. Was your relationship with your father close or distant during childhood?
46. What has it been like in the past 10 years?
47. Did you have brothers or sisters?
48. If so, what was your relationship with them then, and what is it like now?
[After this group of questions the author expands on how relationships to siblings may have played a minor role in some of the baggage creation.]
49. Consider your like today and then relate it to your past. In what situations do you fel the most uncomfortable?
50. Do these have any simmilarities to your past experiences?
51. In what situations is your anger excessive or inappropriate?
52. Are these times reminders of situations in your past?
53. Is this the way in which you responded as a child?
54. When do you experience fear or anxiety?
55. Who is present when fear or anxiety occurs?
56. How do these times remind you of experiences of your past?
57. Do you ever feel embarrassed and if so under what conditions?
58. When were you embarrassed as a child?
59. Who embarrassed you the most?
60 In what situations do you feel the most self-consious, why?
61. When did this same situation occur in the past?
62. When do you feel alone?
63. Is this a new feeling or one from the past that coninues to haunt you?
64. Who are the people today that you have the greatest difficulty in relating to?
65. Are they in any way simmilar or dissimmilar to significant people in your past?
66. Are yoiu reacting in your adult life as an adult or has your child response continued to emerge and live your life for you. [Objection your honor, leading the witness!]
67. Are you borrowing responses from your past, or have you developed your own healthy responses so that you are a free person?
[The following questions were taken from subsequent concluding paragraphs]
68. In what way is the presence of Jesus Christ in your life disconnecting your responses from your past to the present?
69. Are you becoming a free person and one who is living your present life without heavy anchors from your past slowing you down?
...Ask him to help you identify how you continue to treat yourself as others treated you in early years... Jesus Christ came to set us free...
---------------------------
That's it, good stuff. Peace in Christ.