The Nice Man with the Kind Smile
So that was a relatively positive experience today with the nice man with the kind smile. He said my "case" was not something he has ever really dealt with. I guess I'm not your average case over there at CAMH. Over the course of 2.5 hours I tried to accurately describe what I had been up to, why I had been up to it, how it had been effecting my life, and why I thought I was there. He likened what I have been attempting to be similar to Aldous Huxley who had his own experimentational period with LSD and seemed to think that the process of attempting to achieve altered states for mystical experiences in itself wasn't negative. He also suggested there might be other routes to do this.
He made a couple of really interesting insights - especially the fact that the experience I am likely addicted to is the *altered state* which I have been so actively seeking for the last 5 years. He recommended me to the closest program he thought might be helpful which starts June 26th for educated professionals like myself. That unfortunately means languishing for the next two weeks, but between that, Tamarra's assistance, and the help of an apparently very Wicca friendly councilor she knows of maybe this ball will finally get rolling. CAMH is not really equipped to deal with some of the phycho-spiritual issues/questions I brought up but they have something called Comprehensive Behavioural Techniques that can help me identify triggers, develop techniques to help with compulsion, and apparently the after-support group is quite good.
The other thing we explored was my drinking. I apparently low risk - provided I don't allow it to come wholesale in the back door while we kick the hallucinogens out the front. This process of moving from periods of addiction and use of a particular substance, to kicking the habit, to have that same slot being replaced by something else is his evidence that some wholesale rewiring will be necessary. He likened my extreme compulsive behaviour in April as reactionary to my annual recovering from seasonal disorder - I feel better, I get into a naturally high state (from the return of vitamin D, seratonin, etc) and I unconsciously want to prolong and enhance it. His further evidence of this is my compulsion to use during periods of spiritual ecstasy or joy - the need or desire to prolong and or enhance the experience.
I am going to keep posting my progress despite the scornful, harsh, or blunt responses I have received in the last 6 weeks to putting my thoughts online here. It would seem poor to post in a state of descent given all the damage it has done my personal reputation and not post positive results on the opposite end of the curve.
He made a couple of really interesting insights - especially the fact that the experience I am likely addicted to is the *altered state* which I have been so actively seeking for the last 5 years. He recommended me to the closest program he thought might be helpful which starts June 26th for educated professionals like myself. That unfortunately means languishing for the next two weeks, but between that, Tamarra's assistance, and the help of an apparently very Wicca friendly councilor she knows of maybe this ball will finally get rolling. CAMH is not really equipped to deal with some of the phycho-spiritual issues/questions I brought up but they have something called Comprehensive Behavioural Techniques that can help me identify triggers, develop techniques to help with compulsion, and apparently the after-support group is quite good.
The other thing we explored was my drinking. I apparently low risk - provided I don't allow it to come wholesale in the back door while we kick the hallucinogens out the front. This process of moving from periods of addiction and use of a particular substance, to kicking the habit, to have that same slot being replaced by something else is his evidence that some wholesale rewiring will be necessary. He likened my extreme compulsive behaviour in April as reactionary to my annual recovering from seasonal disorder - I feel better, I get into a naturally high state (from the return of vitamin D, seratonin, etc) and I unconsciously want to prolong and enhance it. His further evidence of this is my compulsion to use during periods of spiritual ecstasy or joy - the need or desire to prolong and or enhance the experience.
I am going to keep posting my progress despite the scornful, harsh, or blunt responses I have received in the last 6 weeks to putting my thoughts online here. It would seem poor to post in a state of descent given all the damage it has done my personal reputation and not post positive results on the opposite end of the curve.