1/2 drunken ramblings of a band geek
Because some nights................drinking Lager in your apartment with your cats is exactly where you need to be:
* I am like a kid on Christmas for this comp at Pittston tomorrow. I am in *heart*, deep *heart* with the Trail band, the kids, the show, and something about performing it at my ex-home field has me all giddy and stupid in ways I can't explain. I want them to kick all kinds of ass, for themselves. The show is brilliant, and I feel blessed to be a part of it.
* Not to mention that the Pittston show is freaking beautiful as well. It's really really hard for me to stop by a practice or see them perform without feeling a little empty. Bittersweet is such an underrated emotion, and one of the most powerful I think I've ever felt. But even when I wasn't here, home, in NePa, and hearing about Adam and his successes with the band, I felt a deep love and pride for him and the work he does, and I am so excited to see him in his element tomorrow as well.
* My job at the LTEC is a little touch and go. I mean, if I could JUST teach band, all day every day, I would be the happiest person on earth. You all know me well enough to know that that is my soul, it's what I was born to do. I only get to do that 2 days a week. But that gets me through all the other crap.
* Because there IS a pile of crap I deal with on a daily basis. I don't talk about it much, because there's the part of me that still feels like a spoiled brat. That I should be HAPPY to be in a secure job in a great school. But the day to day shit of some of the people I work with is really difficult to keep smiling through. Thankfully, I have my 6th grade band and the high school hours to keep me level and sane. But the other 3 days a week, its' all I could do to keep from telling people off and/or sitting in my room and crying, because of the way I am treated. Eh, meh. Laurie B is nothing if not resilient. Everything will lead to something better, that I am sure of.
* There is one more mucho importanto element of my life at the moment that seems to be completely surprising, exciting, satisfying, and damn near close to perfect. And it's so much so that I'm afraid to put it into words for the world to see, because I'm quite certain (due to my insecurities and past self-esteem issues and just plain bad luck) that the minute I try to make it real, the whole thing will blow up in my face. Nonetheless, for the first time in almost a year, I have something that I thought had ceased to exist in me: hope. Hope. What an amazing word. I guess I'm not as cynical as I gave myself credit for..............no that's not true, of course I'm still cynical, and doubtful, and have a laundry list of hangups that I've been working through on a daily basis. But at least there is the possibility..................wow, I don't know how to finish that sentence without totally "outing" myself, so I'm going to quit while I'm behind.
* Oh by the way, in case any of you ever doubted it: low brass rules. It is my soul, it is the vibration and frequency of what makes me tick. Yeah, to some of you, a stupid and anti-climactic way to end a drunken blog. To me, it's the centerpiece of why I do what I do, and kind of a metaphor for the other "bigger" things in my life. It's so powerful and beautiful and consuming, yet you have to really search for the really GOOD stuff, and even when you find it, it still needs to be tweaked and polished to a point where it makes the hair on your neck stand up and sucks the breath out of you. But at the one perfect moment where it all falls in line...........look out. Just look out.
Drunk LB signing off. I know I hardly blog at all anymore............and I'll probably wake up tomorrow and think "wow, what a load of crap". But I'm happy right now. So happy. I heard this little phrase on the 102.3 the mountain the other day that seemed to sum up my life perfectly right now:
I may not have gone where I thought I would go........but somehow I ended up where I need to be.
* I am like a kid on Christmas for this comp at Pittston tomorrow. I am in *heart*, deep *heart* with the Trail band, the kids, the show, and something about performing it at my ex-home field has me all giddy and stupid in ways I can't explain. I want them to kick all kinds of ass, for themselves. The show is brilliant, and I feel blessed to be a part of it.
* Not to mention that the Pittston show is freaking beautiful as well. It's really really hard for me to stop by a practice or see them perform without feeling a little empty. Bittersweet is such an underrated emotion, and one of the most powerful I think I've ever felt. But even when I wasn't here, home, in NePa, and hearing about Adam and his successes with the band, I felt a deep love and pride for him and the work he does, and I am so excited to see him in his element tomorrow as well.
* My job at the LTEC is a little touch and go. I mean, if I could JUST teach band, all day every day, I would be the happiest person on earth. You all know me well enough to know that that is my soul, it's what I was born to do. I only get to do that 2 days a week. But that gets me through all the other crap.
* Because there IS a pile of crap I deal with on a daily basis. I don't talk about it much, because there's the part of me that still feels like a spoiled brat. That I should be HAPPY to be in a secure job in a great school. But the day to day shit of some of the people I work with is really difficult to keep smiling through. Thankfully, I have my 6th grade band and the high school hours to keep me level and sane. But the other 3 days a week, its' all I could do to keep from telling people off and/or sitting in my room and crying, because of the way I am treated. Eh, meh. Laurie B is nothing if not resilient. Everything will lead to something better, that I am sure of.
* There is one more mucho importanto element of my life at the moment that seems to be completely surprising, exciting, satisfying, and damn near close to perfect. And it's so much so that I'm afraid to put it into words for the world to see, because I'm quite certain (due to my insecurities and past self-esteem issues and just plain bad luck) that the minute I try to make it real, the whole thing will blow up in my face. Nonetheless, for the first time in almost a year, I have something that I thought had ceased to exist in me: hope. Hope. What an amazing word. I guess I'm not as cynical as I gave myself credit for..............no that's not true, of course I'm still cynical, and doubtful, and have a laundry list of hangups that I've been working through on a daily basis. But at least there is the possibility..................wow, I don't know how to finish that sentence without totally "outing" myself, so I'm going to quit while I'm behind.
* Oh by the way, in case any of you ever doubted it: low brass rules. It is my soul, it is the vibration and frequency of what makes me tick. Yeah, to some of you, a stupid and anti-climactic way to end a drunken blog. To me, it's the centerpiece of why I do what I do, and kind of a metaphor for the other "bigger" things in my life. It's so powerful and beautiful and consuming, yet you have to really search for the really GOOD stuff, and even when you find it, it still needs to be tweaked and polished to a point where it makes the hair on your neck stand up and sucks the breath out of you. But at the one perfect moment where it all falls in line...........look out. Just look out.
Drunk LB signing off. I know I hardly blog at all anymore............and I'll probably wake up tomorrow and think "wow, what a load of crap". But I'm happy right now. So happy. I heard this little phrase on the 102.3 the mountain the other day that seemed to sum up my life perfectly right now:
I may not have gone where I thought I would go........but somehow I ended up where I need to be.