(no subject)
It's strange. My desire to work and study is stronger than it has ever been, but I've grown so accustomed to my normal laziness that I can't even muster up the discipline to sit down and read a fucking history book. It's always been like this. When I realized that I wanted to improve my intellect, it took me three years to understand that it would take systematic effort; when I understood that, it took me another two to commit myself to putting forth that effort. Now it's gotten to the point where every thirty minutes I resolve to study, lose focus, and have to make my resolution anew. My desire to work came to late, and it will always come too late. Somehow I feel that, through some eternal, recursive, horrible truth, I will have to make the same resolution over and over, again and again, until I die.