(no subject)
a little better today, and in responses;
this is me pounding my fists on the table and keeping the straightist face i can.
more than anything i need someone physically here. someone to hold my hand and say everything that emails, instant messages, journal comments, and phone calls say.
that is what is missing, there is nothing here in that aspect.
so, that's what it is, i know there are plenty who care... but none of you are here.
so what now?
now i continue on with this day and everyone after, and continue them all in a perfect sucession until the end.
it's not a pity me type of thing, it's the truth; so many of you have reason to dislike how i am now, who i am now, and almost all of it is justified. that is the truth.
to some degree it's true, i don't care. i'm willing to let it all burn and sift through the ashes when i get to NYC. it's not healthy and it's not good, but it's the road i've headed down now and there are no u-turns in sight.
"what are we going to do with you?"
we are going to hope and pray that i will be a better person in the future, that i will become better and that i will never do this again once it's over. that we who survive all this will laugh at it later or share a solem drink about it. i don't know which way it'll go just yet...
"i'm sorry too, we're always sorry aren't we?"
this is me pounding my fists on the table and keeping the straightist face i can.
more than anything i need someone physically here. someone to hold my hand and say everything that emails, instant messages, journal comments, and phone calls say.
that is what is missing, there is nothing here in that aspect.
so, that's what it is, i know there are plenty who care... but none of you are here.
so what now?
now i continue on with this day and everyone after, and continue them all in a perfect sucession until the end.
it's not a pity me type of thing, it's the truth; so many of you have reason to dislike how i am now, who i am now, and almost all of it is justified. that is the truth.
to some degree it's true, i don't care. i'm willing to let it all burn and sift through the ashes when i get to NYC. it's not healthy and it's not good, but it's the road i've headed down now and there are no u-turns in sight.
"what are we going to do with you?"
we are going to hope and pray that i will be a better person in the future, that i will become better and that i will never do this again once it's over. that we who survive all this will laugh at it later or share a solem drink about it. i don't know which way it'll go just yet...
"i'm sorry too, we're always sorry aren't we?"