"Living that *once* really well..."
This is the title of one of my messages to a friend in response to his comment about only living life once and enjoying it. My friend and I went back and forth about our short but confused romantic history (which really only amounted to one date).
After having apologized to him for not wanting to be friends with him after we decided (well really, he decided) that we weren't romantically "attracted," I explained to him how my life has changed a lot recently.
The relationship I alluded to recently was brief, intense, somewhat harsh (as was expected) and taught me a lot about myself. One of the big things I realized was that when faced with the prospect of someone moving in to my house at some point in the future to have a "relationship" and puting their own mark on my new home, I rebelled - strongly. I realized I don't want that yet. I'm still going through that arrested period I should have had in my late 20s - finding my true independence, living my life, making my life *mine* and not mine and my partner's.
I also had to make a decision that although the person I'd "paired up with" had his own emotional problems that were quite extensive, I had to take care of my own first - it felt a bit selfish, and certainly went against the grain for me. But it also made me realize that I'm no good to anyone in a relationship unless I have worked through my own "big" issues.
In light of all of this, I told my friend that I want to work on taking life as it happens, not being obsessed with not being alone - because I'm NOT alone. I have family (in Florida as well as here), good friends, and my pets (who truly are like family). It was a good feeling ot say "I just want to enjoy life without putting tasks on myself or goals I have to reach by a certain time" (like finding a partner or boyfriend).
Amazingly enough, this brought about a revelation on his part that truly surprised me, because it explained his side of what had happened to make him change so suddenly - and I realized what was going on with me. Now, I feel healthy, and I have a deep need to enjoy lifle, and hte people around me. If I care for someone, I want to explore that and get to know them, not just start letting them move their stuff in.
It's amazing how much better life goes when you slow it down and enjoy it, savor it....live it.
It feels good to help my friends and feel comfortable with them. The prospect of the future seems exciting now, and i'm looking forward to getting closer to those I care about.
Life is good and I feel lucky to have gotten to this point emotionally.
PS - I forgot to mention the most importanat people on my Amen Break entry- the DnB heads who have chopped that loop and used it for almost the entire basis of their genre. *oops*
Have a great night, y'all. :)
After having apologized to him for not wanting to be friends with him after we decided (well really, he decided) that we weren't romantically "attracted," I explained to him how my life has changed a lot recently.
The relationship I alluded to recently was brief, intense, somewhat harsh (as was expected) and taught me a lot about myself. One of the big things I realized was that when faced with the prospect of someone moving in to my house at some point in the future to have a "relationship" and puting their own mark on my new home, I rebelled - strongly. I realized I don't want that yet. I'm still going through that arrested period I should have had in my late 20s - finding my true independence, living my life, making my life *mine* and not mine and my partner's.
I also had to make a decision that although the person I'd "paired up with" had his own emotional problems that were quite extensive, I had to take care of my own first - it felt a bit selfish, and certainly went against the grain for me. But it also made me realize that I'm no good to anyone in a relationship unless I have worked through my own "big" issues.
In light of all of this, I told my friend that I want to work on taking life as it happens, not being obsessed with not being alone - because I'm NOT alone. I have family (in Florida as well as here), good friends, and my pets (who truly are like family). It was a good feeling ot say "I just want to enjoy life without putting tasks on myself or goals I have to reach by a certain time" (like finding a partner or boyfriend).
Amazingly enough, this brought about a revelation on his part that truly surprised me, because it explained his side of what had happened to make him change so suddenly - and I realized what was going on with me. Now, I feel healthy, and I have a deep need to enjoy lifle, and hte people around me. If I care for someone, I want to explore that and get to know them, not just start letting them move their stuff in.
It's amazing how much better life goes when you slow it down and enjoy it, savor it....live it.
It feels good to help my friends and feel comfortable with them. The prospect of the future seems exciting now, and i'm looking forward to getting closer to those I care about.
Life is good and I feel lucky to have gotten to this point emotionally.
PS - I forgot to mention the most importanat people on my Amen Break entry- the DnB heads who have chopped that loop and used it for almost the entire basis of their genre. *oops*
Have a great night, y'all. :)