Changing my life in the new year....
....because if I don't, I'm headed down a personally self-destructive path. It's not something easily explained, nothing to do with drugs or alcohol or any other addictive substance.
There is a dearth of close friends in my life, much of my own doing. I've been working on that over the last few months, and even longer - I am fortunate to count among good friends people like
arathin,
sassenach1970, and other people not on LJ. I've reconnected and worked to make bonds stronger with friends far away, and will continue to do so in the coming year. I also had the fortune to find an old friend who is getting to the point of having his first child, is newly married, and he's just as wonderful a person as I remembered - and I'm privileged to have reconnected with him and share in his changing life. This makes me feel good.
As for the lack of a significant other in my life (or at least someone who wants to date me in an honest, straightforward manner without trying to lie, manipulate, or just plain block me out emotionally), there is only so much I can do, but I will do it. That probably means developing new interests, moving on to other pursuits that don't feel like everyone is so closed off into their own little circle. The people I've connected with in that group seem to have come despite the way we met, and with
dokuritsu, we had a common interest in that glitchy, fun music made with computers.
Realizing where my strengths as an artist lie, I need to pursue those interests. Hopefully that will allow me to meet people and have a chance at meeting someone who is like-minded and just as affectionate and caring as I am - one who would want to get to know me, as well. This past year has seen me go through some very personally challenging and painful times of difficult decisions and realizations, and the realization that I have not had time to grieve over the death of my father because I haven't yet found someone since it happened (less than a week from now it will have been a year) who I felt I could just give up that control of myself for a while and let it all out is scary - that pressure has been building all this time, and I'm just not equipped to let it out by myself, and there aren't many ways or people I feel comfortable looking at that with.
If you want to continue to be a friend, just let me know, and I'll keep you on my list. After about a week, I'll clean up my buddy list. I have so many people I want to keep in my life, it's just that the focus will change a bit. I'm finally getting to the point where I'm going to work toward what's best for me with all my effort.
Thank you to everyone who's been there for me over the years - you know who you are.
You've all made an impact on my life in one way or another.
There is a dearth of close friends in my life, much of my own doing. I've been working on that over the last few months, and even longer - I am fortunate to count among good friends people like
arathin,
sassenach1970, and other people not on LJ. I've reconnected and worked to make bonds stronger with friends far away, and will continue to do so in the coming year. I also had the fortune to find an old friend who is getting to the point of having his first child, is newly married, and he's just as wonderful a person as I remembered - and I'm privileged to have reconnected with him and share in his changing life. This makes me feel good.
As for the lack of a significant other in my life (or at least someone who wants to date me in an honest, straightforward manner without trying to lie, manipulate, or just plain block me out emotionally), there is only so much I can do, but I will do it. That probably means developing new interests, moving on to other pursuits that don't feel like everyone is so closed off into their own little circle. The people I've connected with in that group seem to have come despite the way we met, and with
dokuritsu, we had a common interest in that glitchy, fun music made with computers.
Realizing where my strengths as an artist lie, I need to pursue those interests. Hopefully that will allow me to meet people and have a chance at meeting someone who is like-minded and just as affectionate and caring as I am - one who would want to get to know me, as well. This past year has seen me go through some very personally challenging and painful times of difficult decisions and realizations, and the realization that I have not had time to grieve over the death of my father because I haven't yet found someone since it happened (less than a week from now it will have been a year) who I felt I could just give up that control of myself for a while and let it all out is scary - that pressure has been building all this time, and I'm just not equipped to let it out by myself, and there aren't many ways or people I feel comfortable looking at that with.
If you want to continue to be a friend, just let me know, and I'll keep you on my list. After about a week, I'll clean up my buddy list. I have so many people I want to keep in my life, it's just that the focus will change a bit. I'm finally getting to the point where I'm going to work toward what's best for me with all my effort.
Thank you to everyone who's been there for me over the years - you know who you are.
You've all made an impact on my life in one way or another.