Goodbye, friend.
I came home from the Cantab tonight knowing Shiva was not feeling so well. She had laid down in the hallway oustide the bathroom and was sleeping there. I was worried, but she's had a time like this before but came through it. On the way home, I was wondering when I would know it's time to have her put to sleep, which has been one of my biggest worries all along.
She was gone when I came home. In the same place I'd left her, rolled over on her side a bit, eyes still open halfway. Stiff. I wrapped her in a blanket and carried her downstairs into the cellar. I know she's dead, but I couldn't bear the thought of leaving her out on the back porch where it's so fucking cold.
She even died by herself in her own way. She was always an independent, stubborn, intelligent, smart and slightly aloof girl. We got her after we got our Rottweiler Burke (my husband wanted a Rottie, I just ended up training him and falling madly in love with him). Shiva was the dog we got when Burke was still a puppy and needing a playmate. Of all the dogs we saw in the shelter, she's the one, when we took her outside to meet big, roly-poly teddybear, who walked right up to thim and started playing. Unafraid. They were best friends from the beginning. When he got killed after being hit by a car, she's the one who was with him. I'm not sure I believe in an afterlife, but the thought of the two of them together again and playing brings a smile through the tears.
In the morning I'm going to make the arrangements to have her cremated. All this time I was worrying about whether I would know if it was time, and worrying that I wouldn't do it right - and now it's just...over.
I can't help crying like crazy and Mikey and Kittin are both freaked out a bit. I don't want them to worry too much.
I'm going to miss her so.
She was gone when I came home. In the same place I'd left her, rolled over on her side a bit, eyes still open halfway. Stiff. I wrapped her in a blanket and carried her downstairs into the cellar. I know she's dead, but I couldn't bear the thought of leaving her out on the back porch where it's so fucking cold.
She even died by herself in her own way. She was always an independent, stubborn, intelligent, smart and slightly aloof girl. We got her after we got our Rottweiler Burke (my husband wanted a Rottie, I just ended up training him and falling madly in love with him). Shiva was the dog we got when Burke was still a puppy and needing a playmate. Of all the dogs we saw in the shelter, she's the one, when we took her outside to meet big, roly-poly teddybear, who walked right up to thim and started playing. Unafraid. They were best friends from the beginning. When he got killed after being hit by a car, she's the one who was with him. I'm not sure I believe in an afterlife, but the thought of the two of them together again and playing brings a smile through the tears.
In the morning I'm going to make the arrangements to have her cremated. All this time I was worrying about whether I would know if it was time, and worrying that I wouldn't do it right - and now it's just...over.
I can't help crying like crazy and Mikey and Kittin are both freaked out a bit. I don't want them to worry too much.
I'm going to miss her so.