Um, owie.
So today I went skiing. I started around 1:30 or so and stayed until the sun started going down, which put me back home around 4pm. In between, I was going up and down the hill. At one point I got hung up on the chair lift and dumped myself out, causing the highly humiliating stop of the lift so I could clear the wreckage that was me out of the way. After that, which was toward the end of the afternoon, I took a different turn from the top and found myself going down a blue run for a bit which suddenly became a choice between two black diamond runs. One was under that lift and had moguls - and I just don't play that. So the other run turns out to be this hugely steep grade after a deceptively gentle turn around the corner.
There I am, brought up short right before this ridiculous drop and I look back wondering if it's at all possible to chicken-step my way back to the top or something. Nope, that wasn't going to be happening, so I took a breath, cursed my clumsy ass for falling out of the lift (I thought my ass had much more padding than that) and proceeded to make my way down the slope, making turns and trying to take it in perpendicular cuts.
Amazingly, I made it down the entire thing without falling. Wow! I also got an incredible view from that perspective, a bit of a scare for having put myself in a situation beyond my comfort zone, and the sense of truly having accomplished something today.
By the last run, I was really feeling like I'm getting comfortable on my ski boards. My cheeks were a little cold at points (mostly from blowing snow from the snow machines) but overall I was quite comfortable, so I layered well. I'm really feeling how the turns work on these sticks, and I'm getting to enjoy going a little faster now. I keep thinking back to when I started inline skating with really good skates - I'd always stay well in control but slow, and when it started to finally feel comfortable I remember how much faster I liked to go and marveling at how I'd thought what used to be "too fast" was now "just right." I'm never going to be a huge speed junkie, but i love the feeling of swooping around in the snow.
As I was getting my boots off in the car and heading home, I realized I probably bruised my tailbone (busted my ass, I suppose) on that little spill. There are also these muscles/tendons/whatever on the insides of my knees - both of them - that are getting incredibly stiff now. I went to visit a friend (yes, just a friend, that's all I'm saying on that at the moment, I'm too tired) and tried to do some stretching while I was there because I felt the stiff, and every time I got up or sat down I really was moving like a creaky old lady. Friend was concerned, but as he sagely pointed out, about all I can do for it is "give it a rest." Not that I was planning on going back to the slopes until Monday. It's supposed to warm up some more, and it was starting to get crowded-ish when I was leaving. I figure I'll go back on Monday barring any huge complications and try this all some more.
After driving back to Worcester, I went to the grocery store, and was hobbling around getting my things. I can see that getting up tomorrow is going to be highly entertaining (sarcasm). But all in all, I got a great workout today and feel like I've accomplished something.
At this point, I'm willing to spend some time with my burned-out friend, but I'm still so wary. He's got an incredibly tense situation with a former girlfriend who's still his roommate until the end of January. It sounds so much like what living with my mother was like all those years - walking on eggshells, no matter what you say, they get pissed off and you're trying to placate them and keep the peace. He and I have a lot in common, which is manifesting in strange ways. We're both big apologizers, and it really shows me how that can make the other person feel (uncomfortable, a bit frustrated). Right now he's in such a beseiged state that I feel worn out just being around him. I'm trying to balance this need to be close to someone who makes me feel good (I need that so much, I realize now) with the desperate desire to avoid getting attached when I don't even know how long he'll be feeling so tired and stretched thin. There are moments where I realize how much I missed being with someone, talking to them about things we're both interested in discussing. But the chaos in his life and the inability to relax completely (and sometimes tense up unexpectedly) leave me quite on edge. I'm way too sensitive to the moods of other people to not have some of his turmoil rub off.
I feel like I'm learning how to "take things slow" by being in this space with this person. I'm also learning how to go into something realizing it may not go anywhere at all, and that's okay with me. Yes, every relationship has the potential to go nowhere, but I don't think I ever really accepted that before. This is such a struggle and a learning experience, and I'm also taking the good moments and completely enjoying them so it all balances out.
But right now, I really REALLY need some sleep.
There I am, brought up short right before this ridiculous drop and I look back wondering if it's at all possible to chicken-step my way back to the top or something. Nope, that wasn't going to be happening, so I took a breath, cursed my clumsy ass for falling out of the lift (I thought my ass had much more padding than that) and proceeded to make my way down the slope, making turns and trying to take it in perpendicular cuts.
Amazingly, I made it down the entire thing without falling. Wow! I also got an incredible view from that perspective, a bit of a scare for having put myself in a situation beyond my comfort zone, and the sense of truly having accomplished something today.
By the last run, I was really feeling like I'm getting comfortable on my ski boards. My cheeks were a little cold at points (mostly from blowing snow from the snow machines) but overall I was quite comfortable, so I layered well. I'm really feeling how the turns work on these sticks, and I'm getting to enjoy going a little faster now. I keep thinking back to when I started inline skating with really good skates - I'd always stay well in control but slow, and when it started to finally feel comfortable I remember how much faster I liked to go and marveling at how I'd thought what used to be "too fast" was now "just right." I'm never going to be a huge speed junkie, but i love the feeling of swooping around in the snow.
As I was getting my boots off in the car and heading home, I realized I probably bruised my tailbone (busted my ass, I suppose) on that little spill. There are also these muscles/tendons/whatever on the insides of my knees - both of them - that are getting incredibly stiff now. I went to visit a friend (yes, just a friend, that's all I'm saying on that at the moment, I'm too tired) and tried to do some stretching while I was there because I felt the stiff, and every time I got up or sat down I really was moving like a creaky old lady. Friend was concerned, but as he sagely pointed out, about all I can do for it is "give it a rest." Not that I was planning on going back to the slopes until Monday. It's supposed to warm up some more, and it was starting to get crowded-ish when I was leaving. I figure I'll go back on Monday barring any huge complications and try this all some more.
After driving back to Worcester, I went to the grocery store, and was hobbling around getting my things. I can see that getting up tomorrow is going to be highly entertaining (sarcasm). But all in all, I got a great workout today and feel like I've accomplished something.
At this point, I'm willing to spend some time with my burned-out friend, but I'm still so wary. He's got an incredibly tense situation with a former girlfriend who's still his roommate until the end of January. It sounds so much like what living with my mother was like all those years - walking on eggshells, no matter what you say, they get pissed off and you're trying to placate them and keep the peace. He and I have a lot in common, which is manifesting in strange ways. We're both big apologizers, and it really shows me how that can make the other person feel (uncomfortable, a bit frustrated). Right now he's in such a beseiged state that I feel worn out just being around him. I'm trying to balance this need to be close to someone who makes me feel good (I need that so much, I realize now) with the desperate desire to avoid getting attached when I don't even know how long he'll be feeling so tired and stretched thin. There are moments where I realize how much I missed being with someone, talking to them about things we're both interested in discussing. But the chaos in his life and the inability to relax completely (and sometimes tense up unexpectedly) leave me quite on edge. I'm way too sensitive to the moods of other people to not have some of his turmoil rub off.
I feel like I'm learning how to "take things slow" by being in this space with this person. I'm also learning how to go into something realizing it may not go anywhere at all, and that's okay with me. Yes, every relationship has the potential to go nowhere, but I don't think I ever really accepted that before. This is such a struggle and a learning experience, and I'm also taking the good moments and completely enjoying them so it all balances out.
But right now, I really REALLY need some sleep.