Remember that time...

[dizzyok]

when you got completely fucked up, and were convinced your pulse was, like, dancing with the music? Then you went around telling everyone to feel your neck, but you had headphones on. No one had a clue what fucking music you were even talking about.

Naturally, I do not know in the slightest. I was gone. Point A and point B were obscure, so you can

Comments

[ex_jvgh]

I have found myself in a similar enough situation. I'm not sure it's going to help anyone else, but it did help me whenever I wrote down what I was feeling, as jumbled and disjointed as it was. It was a chore and I didn't feel like doing it but now I'm really glad I forced myself to. I feel cleaner. I think.

[dizzyok]

That's actually a brilliant idea. My friends would just give me pitying/disappointed looks, which is why they can shove off tight now.

Didn't really feel like becoming a wino, so much appreciated. Thanks

[ex_jvgh]

you're welcome...

I used to write on a tiny tiny notebook I always had in my bag - my friends wouldn't even notice I was, well, vomiting stuff on the page. I actually found that notebook a few weeks ago when I was moving -- I read it all at once and it was... powerful stuff. it's probably just the time that's passed but I almost didn't recognize me? I don't know if that makes sense. I was also mildly to hugely ashamed, but that's just my upbringing rearing its ugly head, I guess.

btw I'm all for a little alcohol consumption. but it doesn't build anything apart from genius hangovers, now does it?

[dizzyok]

Is that an unsure you're welcome? If so, I seriously am appreciative. <3

Yeah, always throws me for a loop too when I read something written a while back. General confusion and 'I wrote this?' abound.

No doubt. That's why I don't drink unless I'm happy. Preventing patterns from occurring. :P

[ex_jvgh]

no, it was more "contemplative" ;)

is it going any better?

[dizzyok]

I dunno yet. Not so stressed. I wrote it all out. :D
Then sorted the pros and cons on paper. That made it all appear surprisingly more clear cut than it is. Damn you, useless human emotions! Always making things convoluted.

Decided I need to talk to her if I want to get over it. Still 50/50 on actually doing it. Not sure if the slim chance of hearing the reason is worth the effort.

Is it worth mentioning she was my best friend, and I didn't date her? Does that change anything? Just realized that's how you may have picked this up as. :P

[ex_jvgh]

well I picked it up as a betrayal of trust first and foremost, so the fact that she was your best friend is deffo relevant -the "didn't date her" thing not so much, in terms of my understanding the whole thing - while it's very much relevant in terms of, well, knotted-tight-together-feelings. actually this takes the cake for "most intricated situation ever".

I don't care what everyone says btw: writing down pros and cons it's an excellent instrument, unless you're Rachel and Ross on a very famous, expired, sitcom.

oh, and if I were you I would totally talk to her.

[dizzyok]

Kudos, you got that down perfect.

Oh, Friends over friends! Classy, pimp. :D

Yeah, figured. Just wanted reassurance that not talking to her would be a dipshit move. She was a massively selfish narcissist, so if that hasn't changed it'll make a decent roadblock early on.