Everything
I miss him so much. I've never felt like this before. I've never experienced this kind of miss before. The kind where talking to him makes me feel worse. Where I just start crying uncontrollably for no particular reason.
I don't understand it!
I hate not being able to explain what I'm feeling. I hate not being able to identify it. I hate knowing I can't go and give him a hug and a kiss.
I think I need him. I think I love him more than I've ever realized...
But, I don't think he feels the same. He can't need me like I need him. How could he when he's always just driving away from me.
How could he love me this much... and if he does, why isn't he here with me? Why doesn't he make it so hard on me?
I feel like butterfly under a rain cloud. And it's cold, and wet... and all I want is my sun with the angel face and golden rays that kiss my face and warm my soul.
And no one understands. No one want me to be with him. Am I suppose to listen to them when they tell me I should be dating other people and slowly forget about him, or should I follow what my heart says and be completely devoted to Dave.
But, I feel like I want to be devoted to someone who isn't devoted to me. I feel like he left me. In my heart he's my soulmate... but, I don't even feel like I can call him my boyfriend. I mean, he is, but he isn't.
I feel so far away, and I'm home. Or is this home without Dave?? I don't think it is.
So much changed that I couldn't see. I changed, and I didn't even know. Something internal. Something eternal.
What if he doesn't feel the same?
I don't want to wait any longer. I just want my life to start with him, and him only.
He gave me wings, why don't I just fly to him?
But he's stopping me. I have to wait instead. That should be a piece of cake, waiting for the best part of my life, but it has to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
And it's so hard talking to him, trying to pretend that I'm okay. I'm not okay. I am losing feeling everywhere. I feel as if I'm being paralyzed.
I don't feel like I am enough for him. But, I want to be. I want to be his everything, the way he is everything to me.
I don't understand it!
I hate not being able to explain what I'm feeling. I hate not being able to identify it. I hate knowing I can't go and give him a hug and a kiss.
I think I need him. I think I love him more than I've ever realized...
But, I don't think he feels the same. He can't need me like I need him. How could he when he's always just driving away from me.
How could he love me this much... and if he does, why isn't he here with me? Why doesn't he make it so hard on me?
I feel like butterfly under a rain cloud. And it's cold, and wet... and all I want is my sun with the angel face and golden rays that kiss my face and warm my soul.
And no one understands. No one want me to be with him. Am I suppose to listen to them when they tell me I should be dating other people and slowly forget about him, or should I follow what my heart says and be completely devoted to Dave.
But, I feel like I want to be devoted to someone who isn't devoted to me. I feel like he left me. In my heart he's my soulmate... but, I don't even feel like I can call him my boyfriend. I mean, he is, but he isn't.
I feel so far away, and I'm home. Or is this home without Dave?? I don't think it is.
So much changed that I couldn't see. I changed, and I didn't even know. Something internal. Something eternal.
What if he doesn't feel the same?
I don't want to wait any longer. I just want my life to start with him, and him only.
He gave me wings, why don't I just fly to him?
But he's stopping me. I have to wait instead. That should be a piece of cake, waiting for the best part of my life, but it has to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
And it's so hard talking to him, trying to pretend that I'm okay. I'm not okay. I am losing feeling everywhere. I feel as if I'm being paralyzed.
I don't feel like I am enough for him. But, I want to be. I want to be his everything, the way he is everything to me.