I want to grow up
My husband and I have decided to try for a baby. We have always thought it would be oh, so impossible and if you really do sit down and think about all the practicalities then no, it will never, ever happen. Logically, it is a terrible idea. But from my heart, it is what I want to do. It may never be a good time. We may never have a big beautiful house somewhere lovely. We may never have financial stability. I may never not be overweight. Sitting around waiting on things to be perfect means just exactly that- waiting. And I don't want to be 40 trying to have my first baby. There is nothing wrong with that- it just isn't what we want.
So, in light of that sort of unexpected new chapter in my life, it has become apparent that I have to get my shit together. Blazingly, Undeniably apparent. I don't have any illusions about trying to be perfect, but I don't want to pass on the worst of my bullshit. Specifically, my laziness, my issues with food, my issues with exercise, my inability to enjoy my life and to make good decisions, my lack of initiative and drive to follow through on projects. These things have caused me so much grief in the past and continue to do so. Because the thing is I know I can do better. So, so much better. I have some tools already, but I just don't consistently use them. And I think that at the very core of all of it is self-esteem. I really haven't done a lot of work with that and I guess the truth is that I fundamentally don't like myself very much. It is so easy for me to fall into that dark place where I see myself as nothing but fat, ugly, lazy, spiteful and negative. And that simply is not true. I am so much more than that but I just don't let myself see it.
I'm beautiful, smart, and compassionate. I'm talented and can accomplish anything I put my effort and love into.
So, in order to have a game plan- this is what I want to do:
1. Food: Continue my daily green juices and add in a green smoothie a day again for breakfast instead of the heavy oatmeal I have been having. Generally up my intake of raw foods. Enjoy my food more. Chew more. Experiment more and have fun with my food more. Cut out the wheat again and cut down on other grains.
2. Exercise: yoga at home- 20 min. a day. give dogs more and longer walks. yoga class once a week.
3. spiritual practice: no idea what to do yet other than meditate.
I've got my rebirthing seminar this weekend, and I hope some things become more clear with that.
So, in light of that sort of unexpected new chapter in my life, it has become apparent that I have to get my shit together. Blazingly, Undeniably apparent. I don't have any illusions about trying to be perfect, but I don't want to pass on the worst of my bullshit. Specifically, my laziness, my issues with food, my issues with exercise, my inability to enjoy my life and to make good decisions, my lack of initiative and drive to follow through on projects. These things have caused me so much grief in the past and continue to do so. Because the thing is I know I can do better. So, so much better. I have some tools already, but I just don't consistently use them. And I think that at the very core of all of it is self-esteem. I really haven't done a lot of work with that and I guess the truth is that I fundamentally don't like myself very much. It is so easy for me to fall into that dark place where I see myself as nothing but fat, ugly, lazy, spiteful and negative. And that simply is not true. I am so much more than that but I just don't let myself see it.
I'm beautiful, smart, and compassionate. I'm talented and can accomplish anything I put my effort and love into.
So, in order to have a game plan- this is what I want to do:
1. Food: Continue my daily green juices and add in a green smoothie a day again for breakfast instead of the heavy oatmeal I have been having. Generally up my intake of raw foods. Enjoy my food more. Chew more. Experiment more and have fun with my food more. Cut out the wheat again and cut down on other grains.
2. Exercise: yoga at home- 20 min. a day. give dogs more and longer walks. yoga class once a week.
3. spiritual practice: no idea what to do yet other than meditate.
I've got my rebirthing seminar this weekend, and I hope some things become more clear with that.