The Need For Change Continues
Lately I've been wondering why I have felt so stifled and a lot of it has to do with the company I am keeping or trying to be around.
I think I am trying to repeat old habits and it's not working.
Take the Utah Burner crowd for instance. They are more conservative than the California crowd and after four years I'm beginning to feel mentally stifled. Maybe I shouldn't bother with them anymore. It's like I don't belong, I don't care to belong, and they don't care if I belong either.
After many many years of being involved in things like this, you just get flat out bored. I don't care about your recent spiritual or metaphysical discovery that you feel is going to enlighten your peers and make you feel really cool. I'm not interested.
I'm not interested in the wisdom of condescending, underdeveloped people in their twenties and thirties who think that they are very cool. It's dull. It's boring. I am not stimulated at all.
Sometimes I believe that if you stay in a scene or situation for too long, you become like a foreign object in skin. Puss starts to form all around you and it gets ugly, until you are finally rejected out, whether you like it or not.
The old ways don't work anymore. The old scenes don't work. I don't know what's up next for me, but I desperately need something so much better. And I don't know what that is. I don't know where to turn. I have no clue.
Old habits and scenes abound. Everyone and everything has a classification that the majority of our population will enthusiastically fall into. "I'm this or that" "I practice this or that" or whatever.
No one is revolutionary or independent even when they think that they are. They all too easily fall into a neat, tidy little genre. Everyone is sooooo "cool" or "cutting edge."
There was time where I was a cool night club d.j. for years and a musician. I was quite popular. I have been notorious for being on the cutting edge of music and having great things that no one had ever heard of.
Now I don't care about what the hippest songs are. It doesn't matter. People who have no idea that my history dwarfs theirs in comparison look at me like I'm some sort of unaware geek. To me they are just underdeveloped victims trying to find acceptance within the realms of an old and played out philosophy. Tiresome. Lame.
That Burner hat and handle bar mustache has never been done before. You're so cool. Cool cookie cutter framework. Get it all out of my world.
Of course I'm simply using that group as one example. It applies all over.
I'm bored. I'm unstimulated. I'm stifled. I'm stagnant. I'm over everything.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I think I am trying to repeat old habits and it's not working.
Take the Utah Burner crowd for instance. They are more conservative than the California crowd and after four years I'm beginning to feel mentally stifled. Maybe I shouldn't bother with them anymore. It's like I don't belong, I don't care to belong, and they don't care if I belong either.
After many many years of being involved in things like this, you just get flat out bored. I don't care about your recent spiritual or metaphysical discovery that you feel is going to enlighten your peers and make you feel really cool. I'm not interested.
I'm not interested in the wisdom of condescending, underdeveloped people in their twenties and thirties who think that they are very cool. It's dull. It's boring. I am not stimulated at all.
Sometimes I believe that if you stay in a scene or situation for too long, you become like a foreign object in skin. Puss starts to form all around you and it gets ugly, until you are finally rejected out, whether you like it or not.
The old ways don't work anymore. The old scenes don't work. I don't know what's up next for me, but I desperately need something so much better. And I don't know what that is. I don't know where to turn. I have no clue.
Old habits and scenes abound. Everyone and everything has a classification that the majority of our population will enthusiastically fall into. "I'm this or that" "I practice this or that" or whatever.
No one is revolutionary or independent even when they think that they are. They all too easily fall into a neat, tidy little genre. Everyone is sooooo "cool" or "cutting edge."
There was time where I was a cool night club d.j. for years and a musician. I was quite popular. I have been notorious for being on the cutting edge of music and having great things that no one had ever heard of.
Now I don't care about what the hippest songs are. It doesn't matter. People who have no idea that my history dwarfs theirs in comparison look at me like I'm some sort of unaware geek. To me they are just underdeveloped victims trying to find acceptance within the realms of an old and played out philosophy. Tiresome. Lame.
That Burner hat and handle bar mustache has never been done before. You're so cool. Cool cookie cutter framework. Get it all out of my world.
Of course I'm simply using that group as one example. It applies all over.
I'm bored. I'm unstimulated. I'm stifled. I'm stagnant. I'm over everything.
Thanks for letting me vent.