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[divinedemon]

With the breakthrough of total and complete burn out, came the need to reassess, prioritize, and reconnect. It wasn't until I was having lunch with Teddy that I realized a large part of my burnout was a disconnect from people. I see people. I work with people. I go to events. I am at least lurking on facebook, if not active. But that's not what I'm

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[wondercheekin]

I need to comment on what you said about the lack of connection to people. I've been feeling like that for years now, starting from the beginning of university and getting worse from there. The knowledge back then that I would be moving to the US kept me from meaningful friendships to a large extent, and now that I live here in the US (but without a car or a job yet), I find that I'm not social enough, let alone have many meaningful close relationships (aside from Mark and Jamie pretty much)... I'm going crazy trying to find work all the while being stuck at home with the cats all day. I crave friendships and I know it's going to take a while before I have more than a couple good friends here since it seems like close friendships take a lot longer to form in adult life, plus I know it'll take me a while to get a job, to get comfortable with the people there, and then finally making a friend or two.

Anyway, I know it's up to me to change my life, I just don't know how to do that right now with how seriously broke Mark and I are right now. Things will get better once I have a car and can actually get to a job when I have one. I guess the reassessing and prioritizing hasn't yet happened because things aren't "that bad" yet, and I have hope that I'll be able to be more social very soon. In the meantime, I just wanted to tell you that your post made me think about this and that it's a serious problem to feel disconnected from life, basically. It's such a nagging, overall feeling that begins to eat at your general happiness. Thank you for sharing your story, I've been reading your new posts and I'm excited to hear from you again :)

[divinedemon]

Cheeeeeekin! So good to hear from you, but I’m sorry things are going like they are for you, but I want to let you know, it gets better. I have a few parallels that I’ve been through. Long ago (makes me feel old) I was getting ready to move to Michigan to be with my (now) ex. When I was getting ready, I could tell some friends were trying to spend a little extra time with me, while some were simply pulling back, especially my best friend, which was really hard. When I got to Michigan, I was at home, being the dutiful house wife type, laundry, dishes, cat, cleaning, etc… and yeah. It gets maddening. The best thing is to just meet people. The meaningful relationships will eventually develop but the frustrating bit, is that it does take a lot of time. Also, don’t wait for a job and just have work friends. Go to karaoke. Go join a knitting group. Take a community college class. (only put your own interests in pace of some of my own.) The people you meet might not even be the people you become close to might not even be the people you grow to know and love, but they might introduce you to their friends who you can grow to know and love. And it is scary, cause the thought of rejection is scary, even when it’s someone you don’t know. But you are a beautiful, sweet, smart, fun Cheeeekin. Put yourself out there and it will happen. If a Poptart can do it, Cheeeeekins will have no problems.

[wondercheekin]

Thank you for your kind words and the advice. It's much appreciated <3

This might sound strange, but I don't really know what my interests are. I've always shown strong signs of codependency (with my best friends and now with Mark), and I've always sort of liked what people around me have liked. Aside from maybe language related stuff, so I guess I could join a book club or take a Spanish class. Though most of that stuff requires a way to get to places, which I don't have. It's so frustrating after years of independence (via buses and biking in Finland) to have to be this STUCK without a car...

Anyway, sorry it took me so long to respond. I had to think long and hard about why I don't know what kinds of things I'd like to be doing... I suppose that's one big thing in life that I have to start working on, figuring out what *I* like!