"Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth"
The only reason I hold grudges is because no one gives a fuck and no one apologizes. I don't expect anybody to be perfect and never mess up. I'm not THAT unreasonable. But a sincere apology goes a LOOOONG way, in my book. Common courtesy! And by 'sincere' I mean that you genuinely feel bad and want to apologize. Don't think you can keep screwing me over every other week and as long as you spout out some half-assed "sorry" then it's okay. Again, I don't think I'm that unreasonable...
Yesterday, I was bad and smoked. And then brushed my teeth twice and tried to distract myself from the guilt. Aside from that, I'm doing really well on quitting. I've finally taught myself how to drive, drink coffee, and eat large meals without smoking. Now I need to focus on controlling the stress and drunken smoking. Luckily, I don't go out and drink very often anymore. I am a homebody. Focusing on making my home a HOME, and planning my future. I'm finally at a more mature place in my life where I'd rather spend the liquor/cigarette money on trinkets and hobbies that make me feel more well-rounded and enjoy being with myself. Then eventually this money will also be for books and school, a.k.a., my future. All of this 'growing up' stuff is a good sign, right?
Anyway, this smoking was definitely stress-induced. I finally moved to the upstairs apartment this weekend, and was not thrilled to find out it is NOT exactly the same as mine like my landlord had said. I won't go into too much complaining, but the features that made me love my apartment and sign the lease on the spot (great closet space, cute bathroom, etc) are the exact opposite in this apartment. Mine had a cute, feminine sophistication to it. This one is definitely a bachelor's apartment. It's like they took their time putting detail into mine, and then when they got to the top floor they pooped out and got lazy. Everything down to something as simple as the ceiling fan is MUCH nicer in mine than in this one. And I can tell the previous tenant(s) did not take care of the bathroom (damaged floor tile, a huge chunk chipped out of the back of the tub, corroded shower head, etc). The closet had some plastic jungle gym-looking mechanism nailed into the wall which took up the entire closet space and just screamed WHITE TRASH to me. When I saw all of this the morning I was supposed to move in, I got really sick to my stomach. I felt like all the time I spent searching for the perfect apartment for myself was just a waste. I got the apartment of my dreams for only 3 months, and now I have to give it up to someone else. Is it really possible to become so attached to an apartment??? Maybe because this is my first GOOD one... I just came from a shithole apartment in a terrible neighborhood. I lived there for two years and during that entire time I NEVER had company. If I had a date I would just meet the guy at the place cuz I was too embarrassed to have him pick me up at my crap apartment... But I'm in a better place now and I make more money, and I wanted an apartment that reflected my progress in life, and I wanted a place where I could invite company and not feel ashamed. I wanted to come home to something I was proud of that made me feel good... And here it is now: 1:00pm and I haven't moved a damn thing upstairs yet. I was too busy pacing back n forth and feeling nauseous and wanting to back out of this. So, I called my mom, crying, and told her the deal. I was expecting her to give me some sort of "tough love" and tell me to suck it up and move up there because my sleep is most important. But when she agreed with me and said I had a right to not want to live in a place I don't like and that I should stay in the one I love and picked out (as did two other friends I also called), I decided to go talk to my landlord about this. She was not happy with me. She used the phrase "too nit-picky" and told me, "If you want a brand new apartment, go down the road to so-n-so Apartments where they charge $800/mo." I simply explained to her that I did not want a brand new place. I just wanted MY place. The one I spent two months looking for. I'm sorry but I don't think it's "too nit-picky" to prefer the apartment that is aesthetically appealing AND fits my needs AND is the one I signed my lease for, over the one that is ugly, does not fit my needs, and has rust in the sink, etc. When people go apartment hunting, they ask to see the place in person first FOR A REASON. Put two apartments side by side, both the same exact price, of COURSE I will choose the one that's nicer! Not to mention I was told it was EXACTLY the same as mine, and it's definitely NOT. That made me feel misled. And disappointed. After I said all of this, she seemed to change her tune a bit and seemed more sympathetic. She started trying to accommodate me as much as she could by arranging to have the moldy showerhead changed, the big chunk that was taken out of the back of the bathtub filled with a porcelain cap, the rust in the sinks cleaned out with CLR, etc. Unfortunately, I am stuck with the closet issue to work with, but I decided to be thankful that she tried to do what she could to fix SOME of these things. I think I will be okay and will adjust to the new place. And not having to worry about noise above me at night will eliminate all the stress. If not, then I have 9 months to look for a better apartment.
Yesterday, I was bad and smoked. And then brushed my teeth twice and tried to distract myself from the guilt. Aside from that, I'm doing really well on quitting. I've finally taught myself how to drive, drink coffee, and eat large meals without smoking. Now I need to focus on controlling the stress and drunken smoking. Luckily, I don't go out and drink very often anymore. I am a homebody. Focusing on making my home a HOME, and planning my future. I'm finally at a more mature place in my life where I'd rather spend the liquor/cigarette money on trinkets and hobbies that make me feel more well-rounded and enjoy being with myself. Then eventually this money will also be for books and school, a.k.a., my future. All of this 'growing up' stuff is a good sign, right?
Anyway, this smoking was definitely stress-induced. I finally moved to the upstairs apartment this weekend, and was not thrilled to find out it is NOT exactly the same as mine like my landlord had said. I won't go into too much complaining, but the features that made me love my apartment and sign the lease on the spot (great closet space, cute bathroom, etc) are the exact opposite in this apartment. Mine had a cute, feminine sophistication to it. This one is definitely a bachelor's apartment. It's like they took their time putting detail into mine, and then when they got to the top floor they pooped out and got lazy. Everything down to something as simple as the ceiling fan is MUCH nicer in mine than in this one. And I can tell the previous tenant(s) did not take care of the bathroom (damaged floor tile, a huge chunk chipped out of the back of the tub, corroded shower head, etc). The closet had some plastic jungle gym-looking mechanism nailed into the wall which took up the entire closet space and just screamed WHITE TRASH to me. When I saw all of this the morning I was supposed to move in, I got really sick to my stomach. I felt like all the time I spent searching for the perfect apartment for myself was just a waste. I got the apartment of my dreams for only 3 months, and now I have to give it up to someone else. Is it really possible to become so attached to an apartment??? Maybe because this is my first GOOD one... I just came from a shithole apartment in a terrible neighborhood. I lived there for two years and during that entire time I NEVER had company. If I had a date I would just meet the guy at the place cuz I was too embarrassed to have him pick me up at my crap apartment... But I'm in a better place now and I make more money, and I wanted an apartment that reflected my progress in life, and I wanted a place where I could invite company and not feel ashamed. I wanted to come home to something I was proud of that made me feel good... And here it is now: 1:00pm and I haven't moved a damn thing upstairs yet. I was too busy pacing back n forth and feeling nauseous and wanting to back out of this. So, I called my mom, crying, and told her the deal. I was expecting her to give me some sort of "tough love" and tell me to suck it up and move up there because my sleep is most important. But when she agreed with me and said I had a right to not want to live in a place I don't like and that I should stay in the one I love and picked out (as did two other friends I also called), I decided to go talk to my landlord about this. She was not happy with me. She used the phrase "too nit-picky" and told me, "If you want a brand new apartment, go down the road to so-n-so Apartments where they charge $800/mo." I simply explained to her that I did not want a brand new place. I just wanted MY place. The one I spent two months looking for. I'm sorry but I don't think it's "too nit-picky" to prefer the apartment that is aesthetically appealing AND fits my needs AND is the one I signed my lease for, over the one that is ugly, does not fit my needs, and has rust in the sink, etc. When people go apartment hunting, they ask to see the place in person first FOR A REASON. Put two apartments side by side, both the same exact price, of COURSE I will choose the one that's nicer! Not to mention I was told it was EXACTLY the same as mine, and it's definitely NOT. That made me feel misled. And disappointed. After I said all of this, she seemed to change her tune a bit and seemed more sympathetic. She started trying to accommodate me as much as she could by arranging to have the moldy showerhead changed, the big chunk that was taken out of the back of the bathtub filled with a porcelain cap, the rust in the sinks cleaned out with CLR, etc. Unfortunately, I am stuck with the closet issue to work with, but I decided to be thankful that she tried to do what she could to fix SOME of these things. I think I will be okay and will adjust to the new place. And not having to worry about noise above me at night will eliminate all the stress. If not, then I have 9 months to look for a better apartment.