MOXIE @ ILOVEBOXIE . COM
Okay, so I just send 'my story' to the people that host halfaconversation.com (this really cool t-shirt site where people send in stories and they're turned into some kind of one liner).
Here's the version I submitted, it encompasses all the boy drama and is only 2 pages. lol It's kind of poetic, at a lot of points and will probably be very interesting for me to read a few years later.
Anyway, condensed version of 'my story' under the cut.
Last year I met a boy. He didn’t grab me at first, but when he did, God, when he did he grabbed me hard. We went out one evening and ‘hung.’ And we teased and pushed each other under the stars, and we kissed and cuddled and made up constellations, and we laughed and played. We held hands on the drive back and we kissed good night before going to our respective dorms.
He ignored me for three weeks. Three confusing weeks. Three weeks of watching him in the halls of our building, a miserable look on his face as soon as he saw me. Three weeks where I went through many versions of what I could have done, being angry with him, thinking he was confused and needed a push, and ‘letting go.’
I let go, I thought I let go. Then came Thanksgiving Break, the end of these three weeks. He contacted me at the end of these three weeks. Said he was sorry that he’d been ignoring me, said if I didn’t hate him he wanted to do it right and go out on a date, said we should go see a movie when he got back. And I said it was fine, and yes, and yes. And we teased and spent an hour rearranging the words ‘your’ ‘mom’ and ‘face.’ And he told me I was cute. And we laughed and we play. Him 3 hours away, me still at school. Four days, this went on. The fourth day, at 2am, he said he was coming back. Couldn’t stay at home anymore. He was coming back and waking me up and making me get breakfast with him. And that, that night, when he was back, that was when we should go out. And I was excited, and I went to sleep, and I smile, and I felt warmth and that buzz.
He stood me up. And I felt stupid and I cried myself to sleep. What I got was a call around 24 hours later, at 4 am. He said he slept through the day, he said he was leaving, he said he’d be back in 3 hours, he asked if I’d be awake, he asked if he could wake me up. And I said it was fine, and yes, and yes. He called me exactly three hours later, he was back, he was gonna come knock on my door. And he did, and we got breakfast. We teased each other, and we laughed and we played. We spent 3 hours together, some of that time watching youtube videos. He left after a while, said he was going to sleep.
We didn’t talk for a week. I finally called him, asked what was going on. He said his sleep schedule was screwed up. Said he was sleeping through the day, said he’d get his priorities in order soon, but for the time being he was going to go to sleep. And I felt…rejected…again.
We got together that weekend. First, talking online, then in person in my room. We were silent for a while before we started to tease and push each other under the hang of my posters. And after much of that, we kissed and cuddled and laughed and smiled. And I asked him if he would start ignoring me again. And he said ‘No,’ and then he said stronger, ‘No.’ And when he had to leave we kissed goodbye and we laughed and smiled and he picked me up and I squealed, he liked to make me squeal and laugh. And I saw him around campus, and sometimes he smiled real big when he saw me and sometimes he didn’t and always I got nervous and always I looked a little sad when I smiled back. And he looked amused when some guy hit on me, and I looked caught in the headlights while he watched. We didn’t say goodbye before break. I think he left before I did.
We talked all break, over aim. Almost every night, if for nothing else, than just to say hey and goodnight. It was odd. At one point I called him. A group of people and I were going camping, did he want to come. He said he couldn’t, but did I wanna hang out before he left town again? Go see a movie? And I said it was fine, and yes, and yes. A few days before the movie/hang was to take place, he asked if he could bring some friends. I was hurt, I said sure. No friends came. But, he drove an hour to see a movie with me. He drove an hour to sit next to me, and not talk. He drove an hour to barely talk to me before hand and leave immediately after. He drove an hour to give me a hug after the movie and say he had to go home. He drove an hour only to tell me, when I called him after we’d parted ways, that he’d told some friends he’d hang out with them after and he was sorry. And I said it was fine, and I hung up, and I cried, and I cried.
And it’s like sitting in your car and crying to the ‘Picture of Success’ after a bad date with a person you really like, because you’re a modern girl, but you fold in half so easily.
We talked online for about a day or two after that. I asked him if he was having that ‘missing people problem’ over our break. He said no. We didn’t talk for the next week. I went on a date with someone else. I slept with someone else. Before school started I messaged him, said hey, how was it going. He said it was fine, gave me the link for school books. I called him a kid, said thanks, got offline.
When he first saw me again he smiled real big and hugged me, and it was strange and I was awkward and I was confused and I said I had to go get stuff out of my car. We hung out that night, in his room. We talked, and teased some, but I mostly looked sad. And he said he was gonna go to a friend’s house and that he’d stop bugging me. I told him he wasn’t bugging me, I told him he never bugged me, and I was bitter. And he smiled, and said good to know. I told him to have a good night, that I’d see him later. And he smiled and quickly grabbed his stuff and followed me out and smiled and laughed and said hey and hugged me goodbye. And it was strange and I was awkward and I was confused and I said goodnight and I left quickly.
We set a date to hang out, just a few days later. School had been going for a few days, and we were going to get coffee. And he called me 2 hours before, and he asked if I wanted to hang out, and he asked if I wanted to hang out right then. And I said it was fine, and yes, and yes. And we were in his room, and we teased and we pushed each other under the hang of his ceiling. And we kissed, and we didn’t cuddle and we didn’t laugh and I didn’t ask any questions, and I knew that I should have. We had sex that night, and I felt stupid. Because he said he was going to see a friends band play and I could come if I wanted. And I said I still liked him, and he said sometimes he liked me, and he said he could never make up his mind, and he said sorry, and he fed me lines. And I said I still liked him, and he said he should say he didn’t, and he said he was sorry he was messing with my emotions. And I told my friends that night, and I felt real sad, and I tried to cry, and I wanted to die. But, it hadn’t hit yet.
It didn’t hit for another week. A week I spent surrounded by friends. A week where he watched me walk through the hall, the same kicked puppy look on his face, but he didn’t say a word. This week went by. And the following weekend I saw him, talked to him for the first time, and went to the bathroom and I cried and I cried. Facebook said he got a girlfriend 2 weeks later. And I send him a message, a message that read, this and only this, ‘If you just wanted to fuck me, I wish you had told me.’
And I look at him and I wanna laugh, and I look at him and I wanna cry, and the coward never replied. And I said it was fine, and yes, and yes, because I know I’d do it all over again.
Here's the version I submitted, it encompasses all the boy drama and is only 2 pages. lol It's kind of poetic, at a lot of points and will probably be very interesting for me to read a few years later.
Anyway, condensed version of 'my story' under the cut.
Last year I met a boy. He didn’t grab me at first, but when he did, God, when he did he grabbed me hard. We went out one evening and ‘hung.’ And we teased and pushed each other under the stars, and we kissed and cuddled and made up constellations, and we laughed and played. We held hands on the drive back and we kissed good night before going to our respective dorms.
He ignored me for three weeks. Three confusing weeks. Three weeks of watching him in the halls of our building, a miserable look on his face as soon as he saw me. Three weeks where I went through many versions of what I could have done, being angry with him, thinking he was confused and needed a push, and ‘letting go.’
I let go, I thought I let go. Then came Thanksgiving Break, the end of these three weeks. He contacted me at the end of these three weeks. Said he was sorry that he’d been ignoring me, said if I didn’t hate him he wanted to do it right and go out on a date, said we should go see a movie when he got back. And I said it was fine, and yes, and yes. And we teased and spent an hour rearranging the words ‘your’ ‘mom’ and ‘face.’ And he told me I was cute. And we laughed and we play. Him 3 hours away, me still at school. Four days, this went on. The fourth day, at 2am, he said he was coming back. Couldn’t stay at home anymore. He was coming back and waking me up and making me get breakfast with him. And that, that night, when he was back, that was when we should go out. And I was excited, and I went to sleep, and I smile, and I felt warmth and that buzz.
He stood me up. And I felt stupid and I cried myself to sleep. What I got was a call around 24 hours later, at 4 am. He said he slept through the day, he said he was leaving, he said he’d be back in 3 hours, he asked if I’d be awake, he asked if he could wake me up. And I said it was fine, and yes, and yes. He called me exactly three hours later, he was back, he was gonna come knock on my door. And he did, and we got breakfast. We teased each other, and we laughed and we played. We spent 3 hours together, some of that time watching youtube videos. He left after a while, said he was going to sleep.
We didn’t talk for a week. I finally called him, asked what was going on. He said his sleep schedule was screwed up. Said he was sleeping through the day, said he’d get his priorities in order soon, but for the time being he was going to go to sleep. And I felt…rejected…again.
We got together that weekend. First, talking online, then in person in my room. We were silent for a while before we started to tease and push each other under the hang of my posters. And after much of that, we kissed and cuddled and laughed and smiled. And I asked him if he would start ignoring me again. And he said ‘No,’ and then he said stronger, ‘No.’ And when he had to leave we kissed goodbye and we laughed and smiled and he picked me up and I squealed, he liked to make me squeal and laugh. And I saw him around campus, and sometimes he smiled real big when he saw me and sometimes he didn’t and always I got nervous and always I looked a little sad when I smiled back. And he looked amused when some guy hit on me, and I looked caught in the headlights while he watched. We didn’t say goodbye before break. I think he left before I did.
We talked all break, over aim. Almost every night, if for nothing else, than just to say hey and goodnight. It was odd. At one point I called him. A group of people and I were going camping, did he want to come. He said he couldn’t, but did I wanna hang out before he left town again? Go see a movie? And I said it was fine, and yes, and yes. A few days before the movie/hang was to take place, he asked if he could bring some friends. I was hurt, I said sure. No friends came. But, he drove an hour to see a movie with me. He drove an hour to sit next to me, and not talk. He drove an hour to barely talk to me before hand and leave immediately after. He drove an hour to give me a hug after the movie and say he had to go home. He drove an hour only to tell me, when I called him after we’d parted ways, that he’d told some friends he’d hang out with them after and he was sorry. And I said it was fine, and I hung up, and I cried, and I cried.
And it’s like sitting in your car and crying to the ‘Picture of Success’ after a bad date with a person you really like, because you’re a modern girl, but you fold in half so easily.
We talked online for about a day or two after that. I asked him if he was having that ‘missing people problem’ over our break. He said no. We didn’t talk for the next week. I went on a date with someone else. I slept with someone else. Before school started I messaged him, said hey, how was it going. He said it was fine, gave me the link for school books. I called him a kid, said thanks, got offline.
When he first saw me again he smiled real big and hugged me, and it was strange and I was awkward and I was confused and I said I had to go get stuff out of my car. We hung out that night, in his room. We talked, and teased some, but I mostly looked sad. And he said he was gonna go to a friend’s house and that he’d stop bugging me. I told him he wasn’t bugging me, I told him he never bugged me, and I was bitter. And he smiled, and said good to know. I told him to have a good night, that I’d see him later. And he smiled and quickly grabbed his stuff and followed me out and smiled and laughed and said hey and hugged me goodbye. And it was strange and I was awkward and I was confused and I said goodnight and I left quickly.
We set a date to hang out, just a few days later. School had been going for a few days, and we were going to get coffee. And he called me 2 hours before, and he asked if I wanted to hang out, and he asked if I wanted to hang out right then. And I said it was fine, and yes, and yes. And we were in his room, and we teased and we pushed each other under the hang of his ceiling. And we kissed, and we didn’t cuddle and we didn’t laugh and I didn’t ask any questions, and I knew that I should have. We had sex that night, and I felt stupid. Because he said he was going to see a friends band play and I could come if I wanted. And I said I still liked him, and he said sometimes he liked me, and he said he could never make up his mind, and he said sorry, and he fed me lines. And I said I still liked him, and he said he should say he didn’t, and he said he was sorry he was messing with my emotions. And I told my friends that night, and I felt real sad, and I tried to cry, and I wanted to die. But, it hadn’t hit yet.
It didn’t hit for another week. A week I spent surrounded by friends. A week where he watched me walk through the hall, the same kicked puppy look on his face, but he didn’t say a word. This week went by. And the following weekend I saw him, talked to him for the first time, and went to the bathroom and I cried and I cried. Facebook said he got a girlfriend 2 weeks later. And I send him a message, a message that read, this and only this, ‘If you just wanted to fuck me, I wish you had told me.’
And I look at him and I wanna laugh, and I look at him and I wanna cry, and the coward never replied. And I said it was fine, and yes, and yes, because I know I’d do it all over again.