I slit the wrist I made a fist I tightened up and let the blood flow
I'm sitting at work right now, and I've been here for two hours. I've had one table he had a beer and nothing to eat. I just got sat my second table, hopefully they'll tip me well.
I guess I've decided to being journaling again, because I've had a lot to figure out. I figure maybe writing things out will give me a sense of clarity and understanding as to why my life is the way it is. Right now, I'm very exhausted. I haven't slept since Saturday night and it's not entirely because of the amount of homework and stuff that I've got (that's a large part of it, though). I have no roommates in my house anymore, and it freaks me out pretty bad to be alone at night in a big, empty house. When I say empty I mean, no furniture on top of the lack of roommates. Just me, the dog, and the cat. I guess having the dog is a good thing though, I let him bark all night long just so people know he's there. I don't live in a good neighborhood at all. It doesn't look bad, and nothing's happened in about a year, but still (our house almost got broken into about a year ago).
There's a lot on my mind and it includes everything from school, to love, to at home. I think that everyone knows that I suffer through severe bouts of depression, which is never fun. But I can't just go on saying that I'm sad, and that's the reason why everything sucks at home. I can't go on saying I'm sad and overworked and that's the reason my grades are bad. I can't say I'm sad and that's why I can't pay my rent or buy food. I have to begin to face facts, I'm just not sure what they are yet. I'm slowly beginning to realize a pattern in certain aspects of my life, and I'd like to figure out why things are the way they are in that respect.
I guess this entry is going to preface everything that I'm going to be saying the coming weeks, if you want to, feel free to read. I'm not entirely sure whether or not I'm going to make my entries flowery and poetic, matter-of-fact, or what, I just know that I need to write to get things out of my mind and onto "paper." Maybe I could do things in a narrative third person style, make it sound like fiction, give it a twist; hidden meanings, subplots, and murder mystery! Seems like this might be something I can play with when I' m not at work, even though this doesn't even count as a job anymore.
Anyway, be prepared for a long, drawn-out battle that you wont care to read. Be prepared to patronize me and keep in mind that every "problem" I have can be solved with one simple excuse, "She's sad so...."
I guess I've decided to being journaling again, because I've had a lot to figure out. I figure maybe writing things out will give me a sense of clarity and understanding as to why my life is the way it is. Right now, I'm very exhausted. I haven't slept since Saturday night and it's not entirely because of the amount of homework and stuff that I've got (that's a large part of it, though). I have no roommates in my house anymore, and it freaks me out pretty bad to be alone at night in a big, empty house. When I say empty I mean, no furniture on top of the lack of roommates. Just me, the dog, and the cat. I guess having the dog is a good thing though, I let him bark all night long just so people know he's there. I don't live in a good neighborhood at all. It doesn't look bad, and nothing's happened in about a year, but still (our house almost got broken into about a year ago).
There's a lot on my mind and it includes everything from school, to love, to at home. I think that everyone knows that I suffer through severe bouts of depression, which is never fun. But I can't just go on saying that I'm sad, and that's the reason why everything sucks at home. I can't go on saying I'm sad and overworked and that's the reason my grades are bad. I can't say I'm sad and that's why I can't pay my rent or buy food. I have to begin to face facts, I'm just not sure what they are yet. I'm slowly beginning to realize a pattern in certain aspects of my life, and I'd like to figure out why things are the way they are in that respect.
I guess this entry is going to preface everything that I'm going to be saying the coming weeks, if you want to, feel free to read. I'm not entirely sure whether or not I'm going to make my entries flowery and poetic, matter-of-fact, or what, I just know that I need to write to get things out of my mind and onto "paper." Maybe I could do things in a narrative third person style, make it sound like fiction, give it a twist; hidden meanings, subplots, and murder mystery! Seems like this might be something I can play with when I' m not at work, even though this doesn't even count as a job anymore.
Anyway, be prepared for a long, drawn-out battle that you wont care to read. Be prepared to patronize me and keep in mind that every "problem" I have can be solved with one simple excuse, "She's sad so...."