Blech.
I felt much better after all my theater ranting yesterday. I talked to a couple of people and it helped. Then I woke up this morning and I felt a huge amount of anxiety about the Christmas show. For example, we have our first rehearsal on Monday... and I find myself dreading it. Seriously dreading it. The last time I felt like this about a director was during the run of Jekyll & Hyde when Patty totally wrote off any of the hard work I had done when my microphone died the first time. I felt like complete and total shit. Like nothing I could ever do would be good enough for that woman. I'm beginning to feel that way about this director and we have not even begun rehearsals yet. This isn't good. It's not good for my health. It's not worth the trouble and drama it will eventually cause me.... though I keep most of that shit internalized "for the good of the show". And as much as I would love to sing and entertain the audiences and sing and play with my friends, I'm not sure it's worth the headache.
I have been asked by the few people I've spoken with to wait until Monday's rehearsal to make a decision about it. And I will. But if I feel like this or worse after that rehearsal.... I'm backing out. I have NEVER quit a show before.... but I do NOT need to go through this shit again.