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[divamatrix]

I've been sleeping for almost 2 days straight now. The only reason I'm out of bed is because my back hurts so bad I can hardly stand it. I fall asleep and dream. Dreams are always better than life. I wake up and I'm back here. I'm back at my brother's. I'm back by myself in a small basement room with nothing but what I have in my room and

Comments

[urbansloth]

Family is not the source for comfort in knowing you're wanted. If they have been around during your rough times, they might still be angry. Been there on the family being so angry with me they don't want to talk to me when I need them most. But you don't know how many other people do want you around. You never know when you've made someone laugh, or brightened their day. From the shit I've seen your brother post, he's an angry person. I wish you could find a place that would support you. If you are trying to heal, even the smallest inconsiderate remarks resonate much louder than they really are. You know this, I know you do. If you want to stop reading now, feel free, because I may me way off. But the things you are eager to have (family, dogs, kids) for this moment only you might not have, but doesn't mean you won't ever have. WE have alot in common with achieving great things that then become too overwhelming. It's maybe-to steal a phrase-nice to be a little less unimpressive for awhile. Don't cling to nostalgia. It causes more pain. Don't imagine what could have been. Live in a stasis. Do nothing, and the things that people say that hurt you, write them down, write your response. Go back later and check it out. It might be much different. You have had a long hard life, but I've seen a person, my mom, deal with a father that had to be committed-permanently as a threat to the family, marry a shitbag who cheated on her repeatedly, and then find the most wonderful person in her 50's. As for myself, I've found that the less I try to force interaction with people, the less I am left feeling confused and upset. I hope some of this makes sense. So use this time to ignore bitchy comments from family, and ease back into things. I think we are assumed to have this idea that we need certain relationships. Some people do...but that is okay if you have friends that understand you and accept you.