Reconstruction - Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Nineteen
Luke’s funeral was several days later. Reid was standing in his room; straightening his tie. He had been functioning on automatic for the last few days. After he said goodbye to Luke, he had turned on all of his defenses; building all his walls even thicker. He could hear Katie moving around in her room; getting ready. She had been doing much better now that Chris was on the mend and Reid couldn’t help but be jealous. Katie had her love and Reid lost his. She still didn’t know that Reid had been in love with Luke and he had not planned on telling her. He didn’t want to be like this, he didn’t want to take out his grief on his friend. He had to try to keep himself in check around her and not blow up at her.
“Are you ready?” Katie asked as she poked her head inside Reid’s bedroom.
“Yeah.” He said and grabbed his suit jacket. Sliding it on as they walked out to Katie’s car.
The church was as somber as were the people inside of it. There was little to no talking and faint music was playing. Reid stopped quick when he walked inside and Katie also tripped over Reid’s feet. At the end of the aisle, just short of the alter was Luke’s casket. It was a long white coffin, polished to a sharp shine. The lid was open and people were slowing making their condolences. Katie slipped her arm through Reid’s and they walked up together. Reid felt his legs were full of sand and he wanted to stop. He didn’t want to see Luke all dressed for his funeral. He didn’t want to be here at all, but this was how it was, there was no going back.
Reid wanted to tell the Snyders how important Luke was to them. He wanted to tell them everything, but there was no way to tell them. He couldn’t tell them that he was in love with their son and would continue to love him. That they had a life together and it would always be the highlight of his life. He had managed to sort of let them know. He wrote his thoughts down on paper and left the letter at the farm. He wanted them to know that Luke meant something to someone and would not be forgotten. He mattered to someone other than his family.
Katie took his hand and they slid into a pew along with Henry and Barbara. It was really something to see, all of Oakdale come out for this. He knew that Luke was loved and respected, but to actually see the people here; it made Reid take a breath.
Holden walked up to alter and looked out over the full church. He remembered Luke’s baptism and confirmation in this church. When Luke got sick as a teen and needed a transplant, Holden readied himself for Luke’s funeral. He and Emma even started to plan it, but after he got a new kidney; Holden felt like he could breathe again. Luke was well and he would never have to plan a service again. But here he was eight years later and he was burying his son. He took a few breaths and pulled a folded sheet of paper from his suit pocket.
“First I want to thank everyone for coming. Looking out at all of your faces, I can see that Luke was deeply loved and will be missed. I was lucky enough to be there when Luke his first breath and I was even luckier to be there when he took his last. My son was amazing with a pure heart. I use to tell Luke when he was little that I wanted to be just like him when I grew up,” Holden laughed and light laughter rose up from the assembled party. “Even if I lived to be 150, I wouldn’t come close to being as great a man as Luke had become. When planning this I knew that I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to say, but someone helped me there. A letter was left at my house yesterday and I wanted to read it to you,” Holden unfolded the white slip of paper and smoothed it out on the alter. Reid shifted uncomfortably, praying that it wasn’t what he thought it was. Holden cleared his throat and begun to read.
“Luke Snyder wasn’t perfect and he would be the first to tell you that. He was flawed and made decisions and choices that he shouldn’t have. But Luke was also the strongest person I ever had the privilege to know. Luke had an interesting life to say the least, but he never let what happened to him affect what was gonna happen. All he wanted to be was a good friend, cousin, grandson, brother, son and partner. Luke was all of those things and so much more. When he saw misfortune or suffering he didn’t sit back and wonder what to do, he did something. And that need to help ended up taking him from us. And even sometimes when he should have just kept his mouth shut, Luke never backed down. We were all lucky to have known the amazingly flawed person that was Luke Snyder. I loved him and was even luckier to be loved by him. I will miss you Luke. I only regret that Luke didn’t get the chance to show the rest of the world what all of us already knew. All of our hearts have a deep hole that cannot be filled. The world is much emptier without you in it.”
Reid bowed his head and silently wept for Luke; so quietly Katie didn’t even notice. He was going to get through this, but it was only going to get worse before the end.
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The reception was at the farm and seemed like nearly all of Oakdale was there. Kids were playing outside while people were filtering in and out of the house. Emma had done her magic and made an impressive spread. Reid figured it was grief cooking; doing something to distract herself from how much pain she was in. He really wasn’t hungry, but managed to eat something. He didn’t need make anyone suspicious or have anyone question him as not being himself. Lily was sitting in the corner of the parlor with Carly on one side and her mother on the other. They sat quietly and others came up to her to share their condolences. Reid thought he saw Holden standing outside talking to Jack and Aaron. Reid didn’t know where he belonged or what to do with himself.
He thought of Luke and realized that this was the first Snyder family function that he was at that Luke wasn’t right beside him. Whenever they went to these sort of things, Luke managed to make things easier for him. Steering Reid towards the food and keeping people from talking to him for too long. It was one of the many ways that Luke took care Reid, he only realized it now that he was gone. He needed to get out of here. Making sure that no one was looking, he slipped up the back stairs and went up to Luke’s room. The floor squeaked in all the places he remembered and the whole house smelled of cinnamon.
He brushed his fingers across the door knob before he turned it. He stepped inside and felt his heart ache. This room was Luke’s and he would never be here again or sleep in here again. He closed the door and wandered around the room. He could see proposals he had been working on, sketches for the wing that he had scribbled out. About half a dozen half-read books sitting on his bedside table. The bed was made, but it was messily done. Typical Luke. Reid smiled at the thought of Luke quickly making his bed before running out the door. He sat on the bed and looked around. Pictures of Luke as a kid; most were family pictures with his siblings. There was one that he had never seen before. He walked across the room and pulled a picture from his cork message board. He was wearing a dark green sweatshirt with the buttons were open. His hair was short and this bangs were swept across his forehead. He was just smiling, his shining smile. He look so good and this was how Reid would remember him. He slipped the photo into his pocket and didn’t feel guilty about it. He turned back to the bed and saw something green sticking out from under Luke’s bed. He bent over and snatched the cloth. It was one of Reid’s favorites. It was his dark green short sleeve Henley with white underneath it. Reid lightly thumbed the shirt before he tucked into his pants pocket. He knew that it was weird that he took it, but he just needed to have some connection to him. As he tucked the shirt away, Noah entered the room.
“Dr. Oliver?”
“Yeah, hi Noah.”
“Hi. What are you doing in here?”
“I was looking for the bathroom and I got turned around.”
“Oh. It’s across the hall actually.” Noah said and sat down on the bed. “I’ve spent a lot of time in this house and all of those memories have Luke in them. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to come here again and not think of him. Maybe that’s a good thing, right?”
“Yeah.” Reid did not want to hear this. He didn’t want to hear about them, together, in this house, in this room. The idea of them together made him angry and did not want memories from Noah POV on top of that. “I’ll leave you alone.”
“It’s hard to hear everyone say what a great couple we were, knowing that Luke broke up with me the day before he died.”
“What?” He asked and stopped in his tracks.
“We were having breakfast and he told me that he didn’t want to be with me anyone. We probably would have worked through it, but that was our last conversation. I never got to talk to him again.” Noah looked down at his hands and Reid felt bad for the young brunette.
“I’m sure he loved you Noah. Don’t doubt that.” It felt odd to Reid to be reassuring Noah about Luke's affections, but Luke loved everyone. No matter what happened between the two men, a part of Luke would always love Luke.
“Thanks. Do you think I could be alone for a few minutes?”
“Yeah, sure. See you later.” Reid walked out of the room and was quickly out of the house. He found himself standing by the pond. He had a lot of memories of Luke in this place. He knew that he was going to have to let Luke go, but he knew that he was going to feel this way for a long time.
Chapter Twenty