Just read it. Too many subjects to name this piece!
Well things here are fucking rediculous. After the huge ass flood like a week and a half ago, my mom's been totally fucking loopy. Even more so than usual! She is inventing things to rant ans rave on about. It's off the goddamned wall. *DAMN*
I have been talking to my friend Meghann about her, her son, Dennis and I getting a place together around the middle of next year. There's so much we'd all have to do before even considering moving. She needs a car. Dennis needs a car. I need a license. I need a job. We need to put our names on waiting lists for decent places. We need to save the money for moving and rent. So that's why I say the middle of next year.
I love Meghann to death. She is like one of my 4 or so female friends. And she's the only one I get to see. Most of my other friends live outta state. Like Tee is in Florida, Sarah is in Texas now, and Dawn is in Maryland. I don't like it. I don't like it at all!
Megs is the only girl I can really talk to about the things that need to be talked about. She is so suportive in everything I do. I know she's got a child, but I love Nick too. He's four and such a lil bastard! Soooo cute! Lil potty mouther toddlers make my day. I know for a fact that the four of us will get along great! So that's why we want to get a place.
She really needs to get the fuck out of her house too! Her mom is skitzo. Litterally. And abuses Meg. She even threatened to kidnap her son if she tried to move out. And her dad says that if she leaves, the next time she'll even see or hear his name is the news paper in the obituary section. Needless to say, she's gotta do something soon.
I mean, if we had an extra bedroom, my mom and I would let her and Nick move in here just to keep them safe for a long time. But we only have two bedrooms and it's close quarters with three people here. I know there's enough bedrooms for Dennis, my mom and I, but the living space is so so so small! We have a hard time accomodating seatting for ourselves and the three people that come over every week for D&D.
On a lighter note, my aniversary is in 8 days. On September 19 we will have been together for 3 years. In some ways it seems like just yesterday we met, and in others it's like we've been together forever! I love Dennis more than I ever knew I could love some one. He is the best thing that could have EVER happened in my life. We have been through so much in three short years. I say three SHORT years like it's such an insignificant amount of time. It's a whole 1/6 of my life! As I am only 18. I am so proud of having such an awesome relationship. Granted, at least once a week I am thinking of ways to kill him without getting caught, but I really do love the hell out of him!
I am going out to lunch with my grandma today! I am really looking forward to it. Again, another AWESOME person. If an one should be a saint,it's her. She should be the patron saint of patients. Honestly. She's taken so much shit from me! And done SO much for me! It's amazing that anyone can still love and care about me after I did what I did to her!I am truely HONORED to have a grandmother such as she!
My ebay business is not so good right now. It seems like as hard as I try, and as much effort as I put into it, it's not getting me anywhere. AT ALL! Jesus fucking Christ! I wish I could just make enough money for driving lessons and a laptop. I need a license desperately, but I am afraid to drive. I need a professional instructor to guide me through it. And just simply can't afford that right now. I want the laptop because my mother throws a fit when I am on the computer. No, it's not her's or anything, but she still get's super pissed off. She says she can't see me. Yes she is so aweful that if she can't see me she has fits. I am on the other side of the same room, but she can't actually see where I am. She says she feels lonnely and ignored when I am on the computer. So If I get myself a laptop, she'll be able to my ass sitting on the couch right next to her.
I have to get myself my own damn phone line. She is always bitching because her piece of shit boyfriend can't get through. They have cell phones and free cell to cell on thier family plan. So what's the fucking issue you may ask....well he refuses to learn how to USE his cell phone. The same cell that he pays like 80 dollars a month to have.
If he doesn't know where she is at all times, and have like 500 different ways to get ahold of her he threatens her and acts like a complete and utter ass! It's more discusting than anything I have ever seen. Except when he was abusing both of us. But since he quit smoking crack, everything seems to be much better. I mean he even gave up the pot, which is awesome. He is an okay guy, but he really doesn't know how to show love. He is very smothering. Afraid to be alone, he is. So he smothers.
I wish I could like him a hell of alot more than I do, but I can't. I can't get over the fact that my dad left me. He left because he didn't want my mom anymore. He promised to visit me, but he never did. And my mother seems to think it's because he is afraid of her. MY grammi aggrees. So I don't know. all I know is the saying ''you can't miss what you've never had'' is FALSE! I miss my dad, and want him in my life so so bad! I know he's not the greatest person in the world, but he's still my dad. Maybe more like a sperm donor, but it would be nice to know the man that helped give me life. I know I must get some of my traits from him. So it would be nice to see where else I came from so to speak.
I also know I have a brother. He's 29 almost 30. And has a family. That's all I know besides his name which is Joseph Raul Smith. Maybe some one out there knows him. I REALLY want to meet him. The last time my mom or grandmother saw him was the day I was born. They dropped him off at home right before taking my mom to the hospital. He knows he has a little sister, and that's all. My dad gave up on Joey when I came along. Then gave up on me like 3 years later.
So in knowing what my father did to Joey, it's easier to not take his leaving so personally. I know I'll find my brother before one of us is dead! I'll call the fucking Maury show if I have to. *lauging like hell at the thought of the Maury show*
Anyway, peace out mother fuckers. I have some house cleanning to do!
I have been talking to my friend Meghann about her, her son, Dennis and I getting a place together around the middle of next year. There's so much we'd all have to do before even considering moving. She needs a car. Dennis needs a car. I need a license. I need a job. We need to put our names on waiting lists for decent places. We need to save the money for moving and rent. So that's why I say the middle of next year.
I love Meghann to death. She is like one of my 4 or so female friends. And she's the only one I get to see. Most of my other friends live outta state. Like Tee is in Florida, Sarah is in Texas now, and Dawn is in Maryland. I don't like it. I don't like it at all!
Megs is the only girl I can really talk to about the things that need to be talked about. She is so suportive in everything I do. I know she's got a child, but I love Nick too. He's four and such a lil bastard! Soooo cute! Lil potty mouther toddlers make my day. I know for a fact that the four of us will get along great! So that's why we want to get a place.
She really needs to get the fuck out of her house too! Her mom is skitzo. Litterally. And abuses Meg. She even threatened to kidnap her son if she tried to move out. And her dad says that if she leaves, the next time she'll even see or hear his name is the news paper in the obituary section. Needless to say, she's gotta do something soon.
I mean, if we had an extra bedroom, my mom and I would let her and Nick move in here just to keep them safe for a long time. But we only have two bedrooms and it's close quarters with three people here. I know there's enough bedrooms for Dennis, my mom and I, but the living space is so so so small! We have a hard time accomodating seatting for ourselves and the three people that come over every week for D&D.
On a lighter note, my aniversary is in 8 days. On September 19 we will have been together for 3 years. In some ways it seems like just yesterday we met, and in others it's like we've been together forever! I love Dennis more than I ever knew I could love some one. He is the best thing that could have EVER happened in my life. We have been through so much in three short years. I say three SHORT years like it's such an insignificant amount of time. It's a whole 1/6 of my life! As I am only 18. I am so proud of having such an awesome relationship. Granted, at least once a week I am thinking of ways to kill him without getting caught, but I really do love the hell out of him!
I am going out to lunch with my grandma today! I am really looking forward to it. Again, another AWESOME person. If an one should be a saint,it's her. She should be the patron saint of patients. Honestly. She's taken so much shit from me! And done SO much for me! It's amazing that anyone can still love and care about me after I did what I did to her!I am truely HONORED to have a grandmother such as she!
My ebay business is not so good right now. It seems like as hard as I try, and as much effort as I put into it, it's not getting me anywhere. AT ALL! Jesus fucking Christ! I wish I could just make enough money for driving lessons and a laptop. I need a license desperately, but I am afraid to drive. I need a professional instructor to guide me through it. And just simply can't afford that right now. I want the laptop because my mother throws a fit when I am on the computer. No, it's not her's or anything, but she still get's super pissed off. She says she can't see me. Yes she is so aweful that if she can't see me she has fits. I am on the other side of the same room, but she can't actually see where I am. She says she feels lonnely and ignored when I am on the computer. So If I get myself a laptop, she'll be able to my ass sitting on the couch right next to her.
I have to get myself my own damn phone line. She is always bitching because her piece of shit boyfriend can't get through. They have cell phones and free cell to cell on thier family plan. So what's the fucking issue you may ask....well he refuses to learn how to USE his cell phone. The same cell that he pays like 80 dollars a month to have.
If he doesn't know where she is at all times, and have like 500 different ways to get ahold of her he threatens her and acts like a complete and utter ass! It's more discusting than anything I have ever seen. Except when he was abusing both of us. But since he quit smoking crack, everything seems to be much better. I mean he even gave up the pot, which is awesome. He is an okay guy, but he really doesn't know how to show love. He is very smothering. Afraid to be alone, he is. So he smothers.
I wish I could like him a hell of alot more than I do, but I can't. I can't get over the fact that my dad left me. He left because he didn't want my mom anymore. He promised to visit me, but he never did. And my mother seems to think it's because he is afraid of her. MY grammi aggrees. So I don't know. all I know is the saying ''you can't miss what you've never had'' is FALSE! I miss my dad, and want him in my life so so bad! I know he's not the greatest person in the world, but he's still my dad. Maybe more like a sperm donor, but it would be nice to know the man that helped give me life. I know I must get some of my traits from him. So it would be nice to see where else I came from so to speak.
I also know I have a brother. He's 29 almost 30. And has a family. That's all I know besides his name which is Joseph Raul Smith. Maybe some one out there knows him. I REALLY want to meet him. The last time my mom or grandmother saw him was the day I was born. They dropped him off at home right before taking my mom to the hospital. He knows he has a little sister, and that's all. My dad gave up on Joey when I came along. Then gave up on me like 3 years later.
So in knowing what my father did to Joey, it's easier to not take his leaving so personally. I know I'll find my brother before one of us is dead! I'll call the fucking Maury show if I have to. *lauging like hell at the thought of the Maury show*
Anyway, peace out mother fuckers. I have some house cleanning to do!