(no subject)
Well, life is still boring the hell out of me! If that's possible! I think I was born with the hell in me, and it's staying around. hehehe......I am doing alot of selling on ebay. I have 90 or so auctions going right now. Ebay is the only thing keeping me from loosing my fucking mind! And I don't mean that in a funny way!
I am so depressed! I don't let it show though. If I do my mother is threatening to throw me out because she ''can't stand my attitude'' That's a good one. I don't know how being depressed and withdrawn can make one have a bad attitude. I don't talk to anyone really, and totally keep to myself. Maybe she feels ignored? Though I don't know how that's possible! All I do is wait on the bitch hand and foot! She won't eat, go to the bathroom, get ready for work, go to work or anything on her own! It's sickening. She needs cigarettes, tampons, coffee, ANYTHING, I have to go in the store.
Dennis is always at work lately. His manager is pregnant. (or she says) ((Everyone thinks the cow is faking it)) And has gone loopy. His schedule changes, and she doesn't even call to tell him. So sometimes the poor boy waits there like 3 hours before he can punch in! Which makes it three hours longer he's away!
I don't know how much more of this I can take. It seems like all the forces of Earth are pulling against me in every oposite direction! It's just discusting! And there's nothing I can do to fix it! GODS! I've even tried cutting myself again to relieve this tension, and that doesn't work, so I stopped. I guess that;s a good thing though. Cus the bitch said if she sees that again... I'm out!
The only friend in the world I seem to have is ebay! And sometimes Meghann. Be she has a boyfriend and a 4 year old son, so it's not like I ever get to talk to her. She lives on Jamestown so I NEVER get to see her! I've seen her once in almost three years. It's amazing how we've stayed friends. I have Justine ( too, but we live in two different worlds, and I don't really know how to talk to her anymore. It seems like I walk on egg shells talking to her. I don't want to say the wrong things. She is an awesome gal! She was my life for YEARZZZZ! And she's back in my life. I don't want to fuck that up!
I wish I had the transportation to get a real fucking job. That way I cn at least leave the house with out my fucking mother up my ass! It's horrible! I don't know what to do with myself anymore. It's insane. Or maybe I'm insane. Who the hell knows anymore.
The only interaction I get with people my own age (or close to) is on Wednesday nights when I play AD&D. And that's not a guarentee either. Mom usually finds a way to fuck that up. And it's getting boring too! Matt is a fucker and never shows. Ed is just not on my level at all. He's so shy and geeky! And I don't mean a little bit! Erin is a cool chick, but she smokes pot and parties all the time. And I am totally NOT into that. I don't do the drug/drinking/party thing. I think it's retarded.
I am a quiet gal. I just want people to relate too. And because of my current situation, it's IMPOSSIBLE to find new people and friends.
I want to go back to school. I am just to lazy lately to find out the info I need to enrole. I don't know. I know I should do it. Give myself something to be proud of. But I don't even really want to do that. As much as I bitch about my life, It's gotten ''comfortable.'' I don't like change at all. I like a VERY stable enviornment. And that's just not possible when you're bipolar! HA!
I got a summons to appear in court too! My father is going to stop paying child support. Not that I fucking care, but the point is I have to SEE the cocksucking piece of shit! I have seen the mother fucker ONCE since I was 3! And now I have to face the man that I've hated, yet wanted for 15 years! I don't remember him before they got a divorce. Yet I have always ''wanted'' him. I don't know how I really feel about seeing him. I have to be there in Family Court on Septemver first. So we'll see how the fuck that goes....
I don't really want to write too much more. None of you ass holes even read this anymore.
I am so depressed! I don't let it show though. If I do my mother is threatening to throw me out because she ''can't stand my attitude'' That's a good one. I don't know how being depressed and withdrawn can make one have a bad attitude. I don't talk to anyone really, and totally keep to myself. Maybe she feels ignored? Though I don't know how that's possible! All I do is wait on the bitch hand and foot! She won't eat, go to the bathroom, get ready for work, go to work or anything on her own! It's sickening. She needs cigarettes, tampons, coffee, ANYTHING, I have to go in the store.
Dennis is always at work lately. His manager is pregnant. (or she says) ((Everyone thinks the cow is faking it)) And has gone loopy. His schedule changes, and she doesn't even call to tell him. So sometimes the poor boy waits there like 3 hours before he can punch in! Which makes it three hours longer he's away!
I don't know how much more of this I can take. It seems like all the forces of Earth are pulling against me in every oposite direction! It's just discusting! And there's nothing I can do to fix it! GODS! I've even tried cutting myself again to relieve this tension, and that doesn't work, so I stopped. I guess that;s a good thing though. Cus the bitch said if she sees that again... I'm out!
The only friend in the world I seem to have is ebay! And sometimes Meghann. Be she has a boyfriend and a 4 year old son, so it's not like I ever get to talk to her. She lives on Jamestown so I NEVER get to see her! I've seen her once in almost three years. It's amazing how we've stayed friends. I have Justine ( too, but we live in two different worlds, and I don't really know how to talk to her anymore. It seems like I walk on egg shells talking to her. I don't want to say the wrong things. She is an awesome gal! She was my life for YEARZZZZ! And she's back in my life. I don't want to fuck that up!
I wish I had the transportation to get a real fucking job. That way I cn at least leave the house with out my fucking mother up my ass! It's horrible! I don't know what to do with myself anymore. It's insane. Or maybe I'm insane. Who the hell knows anymore.
The only interaction I get with people my own age (or close to) is on Wednesday nights when I play AD&D. And that's not a guarentee either. Mom usually finds a way to fuck that up. And it's getting boring too! Matt is a fucker and never shows. Ed is just not on my level at all. He's so shy and geeky! And I don't mean a little bit! Erin is a cool chick, but she smokes pot and parties all the time. And I am totally NOT into that. I don't do the drug/drinking/party thing. I think it's retarded.
I am a quiet gal. I just want people to relate too. And because of my current situation, it's IMPOSSIBLE to find new people and friends.
I want to go back to school. I am just to lazy lately to find out the info I need to enrole. I don't know. I know I should do it. Give myself something to be proud of. But I don't even really want to do that. As much as I bitch about my life, It's gotten ''comfortable.'' I don't like change at all. I like a VERY stable enviornment. And that's just not possible when you're bipolar! HA!
I got a summons to appear in court too! My father is going to stop paying child support. Not that I fucking care, but the point is I have to SEE the cocksucking piece of shit! I have seen the mother fucker ONCE since I was 3! And now I have to face the man that I've hated, yet wanted for 15 years! I don't remember him before they got a divorce. Yet I have always ''wanted'' him. I don't know how I really feel about seeing him. I have to be there in Family Court on Septemver first. So we'll see how the fuck that goes....
I don't really want to write too much more. None of you ass holes even read this anymore.