(no subject)
Im not particularly angry about anything at the moment, so I think I’d like to tell you a little story... The story of my Sunday (forgive the lack of skill used in the writing, and the lack of a moral):
I thought I was escaping the tag sale by going to WPI on Saturday. Turns out the tag sale was Sunday too. So because of that, I sat at my grandfather’s for like two hours before I figured out an excuse to escape. I was almost away on my bike when my mom yells “how’s your girlfriend?” She does this periodically for some reason. If you don’t understand the significance, lemme back up a sec- a haven’t got one. So I went into stupidity coma- a sort of trance in which I am actually ignoring you, but I seem to be following the conversation. You can identify this when I give only ambiguous or seemingly useless answers. [default response] ‘Oh, she’s fine.’ She presses the issue, failing to understand the warning signs of stupidity coma. ‘When are you going to introduce her?’ she says. [Ambiguous Response] ‘Sometime.’ Followed by insane laugh as I go flying out of the driveway on my bike. Maybe 10 minutes later, I realize I’ve forgotten my hat and sunglasses at my grandfather’s house. So I went back- let the fun begin anew. My aunt’s grandmother is now going to start a conversation. ‘So,’ she says, ‘you’re going to be a junior next year?’ ‘Yea.’ ‘And you’ll go to your junior prom?’ Enter the stupidity coma once again. [Ambiguous Response] ‘Likely as not.’ My aunt for some reason or another misheard me, sounding incredibly pissed as she asks ‘you’re not going to your prom!??’ Fortunately my mother corrected her before I could slap her. Then, just to kill any idea that she might have been done, my mother rounds on me, asking, ‘so who you going with?’ I just stared at her, my stupidity coma having no preselected response. “I mean, do you have any idea who you might ask?’ ‘my left foot?’ the coma caught up, but I almost said left hand there, and you know what I would’ve meant. ‘not even anyone you’re thinking about?’ she continues, because she has no idea when to give it a rest. ‘um, my right foot?’ (again with the hand thing there). She said something else, but I went in the house, so I didn’t hear it all. Got my hat, came out of the house, not to silence, but to more of the same shit. (lemme stop here a sec to mention that prom is, what, 11 FUCKING MONTHS AWAY!!?? im sorry, but I don’t even seriously look ahead that far to graduation, never mind the MOTHERFUCKING PROM. JESUS CHRIST, WOMAN!! ARE YOU NUTS?) My mom asks the next one, too: she says, as im leaving, ‘when you go for rides on that thing (bike) where do you go?’ [Ambiguous Response] ‘Nowhere.’ ‘your aunt and I think you’re going for these rides to see your girlfriend. Maybe her house...’ (it’s better than before, when she thought I was riding my bike off to do drugs somewhere) ‘Oh, yea, that must be it.’ At this point ive made a transition from stupidity coma to sarcastic irritation. That happens when im really pissed off inside. She’s still oblivious to the effect she’s having on me. my aunt continues it with ‘riding by her house, you know, checking it out, see if you can catch a glimpse?’ ‘Uhh... that’s a little creepy’ I say, but it doesn’t matter, because the word creepy’s been drowned out by ‘you know, make your presence known?’ she laughs, then sees the expression of disgust that must be obvious to anyone who isn’t functionally retarded at this point. ‘what, guys don’t do that?’ she says, and now my mom answers her, over me, saying ‘the do that in cars. I don’t know about bikes...’ and I have to reiterate ‘yea, uh, that’s really weird.’ Not that it has any effect; they pretty much ignore negative response in this kind of situation. Mom- ‘so who is she, anyway?’ like I’ve just told her, yes I do have a girl. ‘what makes you think she exists?’ I ask, although I expect nothing, having already denied such a girl numerous times. She really doesn’t know when to give the fuck up. She continues to push it, saying ‘I don’t know, I gotta ask, because you never go on dates...’ (if there wasn’t an four hour application process and three day waiting period, I might. Convicted criminals can buy guns faster that I can get my mother to let me leave the house.) ‘when you go out, you’re always in a group, a pack.’ Aunt- ‘when he gets a car, than he’ll go on single dates.’ At this point she’s gotten really chummy with me, because she knows she’s really annoying me, but she can’t just leave me the fuck alone. She’s having fun. I wandered off with them still saying shit, just rode away quietly, letting them fade into the distance, because if there’s one thing that pisses me off, it’s prying. You can ask, maybe ill answer, maybe ill be evasive, but when you continue, you’re asking for me to get pissed off. I don’t mind it so much with friends, but when my mother can’t see that this particular topic has put me in three stupidity comas in less than 90 minutes, that pisses me off. Especially because I can’t say anything really mean or sarcastic because I have to live with her afterward. She’s a goddamned pain in the ass, but I suppose she feeds me, so I can’t complain too much. I went home and killed some aliens and the neighbors. It made me feel better. I avoided seeing my mother for six hours, and by then, she’d forgotten. I don’t know what I did to piss some higher being off, but it must’ve been pretty bad, considering the shit im getting now. In closing, I’d like to restate something from the story here, that being that prom is ELEVEN GOD-DAMNED MOTHER-FUCKING MONTHS A-FUCKING-WAY and anyone who’s thinking about it already needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
This has been storytime with Dave.
Look tomorrow for more stuff from this weekend. I don’t feel like writing more now. Also, the above story is completely true. Stupidity coma is a serious medical condition. Don’t ignore it. Friends don’t give friends stupidity comas. Remember that for the rest of your life.
I thought I was escaping the tag sale by going to WPI on Saturday. Turns out the tag sale was Sunday too. So because of that, I sat at my grandfather’s for like two hours before I figured out an excuse to escape. I was almost away on my bike when my mom yells “how’s your girlfriend?” She does this periodically for some reason. If you don’t understand the significance, lemme back up a sec- a haven’t got one. So I went into stupidity coma- a sort of trance in which I am actually ignoring you, but I seem to be following the conversation. You can identify this when I give only ambiguous or seemingly useless answers. [default response] ‘Oh, she’s fine.’ She presses the issue, failing to understand the warning signs of stupidity coma. ‘When are you going to introduce her?’ she says. [Ambiguous Response] ‘Sometime.’ Followed by insane laugh as I go flying out of the driveway on my bike. Maybe 10 minutes later, I realize I’ve forgotten my hat and sunglasses at my grandfather’s house. So I went back- let the fun begin anew. My aunt’s grandmother is now going to start a conversation. ‘So,’ she says, ‘you’re going to be a junior next year?’ ‘Yea.’ ‘And you’ll go to your junior prom?’ Enter the stupidity coma once again. [Ambiguous Response] ‘Likely as not.’ My aunt for some reason or another misheard me, sounding incredibly pissed as she asks ‘you’re not going to your prom!??’ Fortunately my mother corrected her before I could slap her. Then, just to kill any idea that she might have been done, my mother rounds on me, asking, ‘so who you going with?’ I just stared at her, my stupidity coma having no preselected response. “I mean, do you have any idea who you might ask?’ ‘my left foot?’ the coma caught up, but I almost said left hand there, and you know what I would’ve meant. ‘not even anyone you’re thinking about?’ she continues, because she has no idea when to give it a rest. ‘um, my right foot?’ (again with the hand thing there). She said something else, but I went in the house, so I didn’t hear it all. Got my hat, came out of the house, not to silence, but to more of the same shit. (lemme stop here a sec to mention that prom is, what, 11 FUCKING MONTHS AWAY!!?? im sorry, but I don’t even seriously look ahead that far to graduation, never mind the MOTHERFUCKING PROM. JESUS CHRIST, WOMAN!! ARE YOU NUTS?) My mom asks the next one, too: she says, as im leaving, ‘when you go for rides on that thing (bike) where do you go?’ [Ambiguous Response] ‘Nowhere.’ ‘your aunt and I think you’re going for these rides to see your girlfriend. Maybe her house...’ (it’s better than before, when she thought I was riding my bike off to do drugs somewhere) ‘Oh, yea, that must be it.’ At this point ive made a transition from stupidity coma to sarcastic irritation. That happens when im really pissed off inside. She’s still oblivious to the effect she’s having on me. my aunt continues it with ‘riding by her house, you know, checking it out, see if you can catch a glimpse?’ ‘Uhh... that’s a little creepy’ I say, but it doesn’t matter, because the word creepy’s been drowned out by ‘you know, make your presence known?’ she laughs, then sees the expression of disgust that must be obvious to anyone who isn’t functionally retarded at this point. ‘what, guys don’t do that?’ she says, and now my mom answers her, over me, saying ‘the do that in cars. I don’t know about bikes...’ and I have to reiterate ‘yea, uh, that’s really weird.’ Not that it has any effect; they pretty much ignore negative response in this kind of situation. Mom- ‘so who is she, anyway?’ like I’ve just told her, yes I do have a girl. ‘what makes you think she exists?’ I ask, although I expect nothing, having already denied such a girl numerous times. She really doesn’t know when to give the fuck up. She continues to push it, saying ‘I don’t know, I gotta ask, because you never go on dates...’ (if there wasn’t an four hour application process and three day waiting period, I might. Convicted criminals can buy guns faster that I can get my mother to let me leave the house.) ‘when you go out, you’re always in a group, a pack.’ Aunt- ‘when he gets a car, than he’ll go on single dates.’ At this point she’s gotten really chummy with me, because she knows she’s really annoying me, but she can’t just leave me the fuck alone. She’s having fun. I wandered off with them still saying shit, just rode away quietly, letting them fade into the distance, because if there’s one thing that pisses me off, it’s prying. You can ask, maybe ill answer, maybe ill be evasive, but when you continue, you’re asking for me to get pissed off. I don’t mind it so much with friends, but when my mother can’t see that this particular topic has put me in three stupidity comas in less than 90 minutes, that pisses me off. Especially because I can’t say anything really mean or sarcastic because I have to live with her afterward. She’s a goddamned pain in the ass, but I suppose she feeds me, so I can’t complain too much. I went home and killed some aliens and the neighbors. It made me feel better. I avoided seeing my mother for six hours, and by then, she’d forgotten. I don’t know what I did to piss some higher being off, but it must’ve been pretty bad, considering the shit im getting now. In closing, I’d like to restate something from the story here, that being that prom is ELEVEN GOD-DAMNED MOTHER-FUCKING MONTHS A-FUCKING-WAY and anyone who’s thinking about it already needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
This has been storytime with Dave.
Look tomorrow for more stuff from this weekend. I don’t feel like writing more now. Also, the above story is completely true. Stupidity coma is a serious medical condition. Don’t ignore it. Friends don’t give friends stupidity comas. Remember that for the rest of your life.