(no subject)
I know how to start this entry: I am sitting in a towel in my new room writing on my LJ because I don't really know what else to do. I feel sedated right now, but like I'm getting sick, not like I'm feeling happy and dreamy. I unpacked a lot but there's still more and I just don't know if I have the energy. Half of me really wants the satisfaction of sleeping in a finished room on my first night and the other half is like, now really, the rest of the stuff is all the way on the other side of the room. Do you want to get it, because I'm not going to!... says the brain.
Aside from that, glory hallelujah, je suis LIBRE!!!
What a horrid situation that apartment turned into. It might take some getting used to live in this house, since I tend to get a bit shy right at the beginning of new situations, but I'm still really really happy to be here. I find myself wishing a little that I had had some kind of cathartic confrontation, but I can't honestly say if it would have made me feel better or worse. And besides, whenever I felt frustrated before, I didn't do anything because I needed to keep the peace, and I don't regret that decision. I'm happy enough just to wash my hands of it but I know that if there's any more provocation from that particular person, I might kind of snap. It's not what I'd like, but the anger is right there, waiting for an outlet, and that'll be the situation until it eventually fades and I don't care anymore at all.
In other news, I underestimated my fencing opponent today and ended up having the single most exhausting bought of the entire semester. I won by one point and I was actually happier at having her have just lost by that point then actually winning. I mean, it was nice to win, but I was also glad that it had been such a good competition. I don't need to exercise for another month now.
We meditated in my Buddhist Lit class (we're studying Zen) and I remember thinking vaguely that it would be really embarrassing if my phone started to vibrate in class, and then the thought just passed away. It was really kind of cool because as soon as a thought came and I acknowledged it, I also realized somehow that it had already passed away. I don't know if that makes sense, but it helped me have some hope that I might actually be able to practice zazen for a long period of time one day (but not in full lotus because I can't even do 1/4 of it!!!11).
Le FIN!
:)
P.S. Is it Christmas yet?
Aside from that, glory hallelujah, je suis LIBRE!!!
What a horrid situation that apartment turned into. It might take some getting used to live in this house, since I tend to get a bit shy right at the beginning of new situations, but I'm still really really happy to be here. I find myself wishing a little that I had had some kind of cathartic confrontation, but I can't honestly say if it would have made me feel better or worse. And besides, whenever I felt frustrated before, I didn't do anything because I needed to keep the peace, and I don't regret that decision. I'm happy enough just to wash my hands of it but I know that if there's any more provocation from that particular person, I might kind of snap. It's not what I'd like, but the anger is right there, waiting for an outlet, and that'll be the situation until it eventually fades and I don't care anymore at all.
In other news, I underestimated my fencing opponent today and ended up having the single most exhausting bought of the entire semester. I won by one point and I was actually happier at having her have just lost by that point then actually winning. I mean, it was nice to win, but I was also glad that it had been such a good competition. I don't need to exercise for another month now.
We meditated in my Buddhist Lit class (we're studying Zen) and I remember thinking vaguely that it would be really embarrassing if my phone started to vibrate in class, and then the thought just passed away. It was really kind of cool because as soon as a thought came and I acknowledged it, I also realized somehow that it had already passed away. I don't know if that makes sense, but it helped me have some hope that I might actually be able to practice zazen for a long period of time one day (but not in full lotus because I can't even do 1/4 of it!!!11).
Le FIN!
:)
P.S. Is it Christmas yet?