(no subject)
In my car, I can't open the door from the drivers side. The left headlight is out. My left blinker doesn't work. The other day the front-left tire went flat. I think my car has had a stroke. I know it's old, over 20 years old in car-years and by car-years I mean actual years because I don't know if cars experience time differently like those time-speeding dogs, but nothing really prepares you for something like this. I always thought it would be me and my Chrysler 5th avenue until the end of time. Now I realize that nothing is forever. We have to hold each moment dear, live each day like it's our last, never look back, reach for the stars. A stitch in time saves nine. I'll get used to it, I'm sure. Recently I figured out how I can drive my car in the morning without having to let it warm up for 5 minutes. I guess it's like a cheat code. You see, normally I hit the gas, it'll lurch forward and then stall. But not anymore! Now I can make quick getaways and won't have to imagine what it would be like if some murderous villain was chasing me. Because I do imagine that sometimes. I think, "I wouldn't fumble my keys around suspensfully like in the movies!". It would be inconveniencing having to scoot in through the passenger side door but if someone is after me they would have to pull me out through that side anyways. So they'd probably come at me through the drivers side, maybe break the window, and then try to open that door. Well touch luck, psycho! Carlos' new patented security feature is made to prevent just that! while he's pulling and pulling, scratching his head, I let my car warm up. Oh wait, that's right, I don't have to let it warm up anymore! I put it in drive, hold the brakes, and push the gas. For a second the engine dies down, the horrible monster at my window smiles and probably says something like, "you're not getting away that easy!" thinking my car is about to stall. Then my car fires back up! I let go of the brake just in time and my car jets off in a flash. But wait! He's hanging on through the window! How dangerous and chilling! "See you in hell" I say, and pull out my handgun and blast him in the face. Then I stop the car and put him in the trunk, bleeding, in pain. No one tries to murder me in cold blood. I won't even allow that in warm blood! Then I drive off laughing and everyone wonders what I'm going to do with the guy. Don't wonder. Just go on and live your life. Life is too short, and it's only made shorter by sick twisted freaks like the guy in the trunk. So call your loved ones, cherish them. And buy my new Door-B-Shut advanced security car door protection. I don't know about that name though. I'm still working some things out. Well, that is what I think of when there is nothing good on my fm car radio on the way to or from work. Not all of it. Some of it I though up just right now while typing it. Like Door-B-Shut. Yeah, it's not the best name ever, but it gets the job done.
Other than enforcing my own vigilante brand of crime-fighting, not much has happened. There was that night where my band was banned forever from the hookah bar Q-8 cafe because friend and saboteur
everchicken allegedly through a rock through their window. What a scamp! A wild night involving locksmiths, police officers, drunken antics. Everything a good rock show needs.You see, drunken Ricky was heaved out of the bar earlier because he refused to pay $3 to drink his friends beer. Later, when a rock was thrown through glass, the owner and his cronies automatically assumed it was Ricky who threw it. Like someone would resort to such vandalism just because he was thrown out of a stupid hookah bar. No mature adult would do something like that. It was actually Ricky's friend who threw it because he was pissed at them for breaking Ricky's glasses and then ran off, never to be seen again. What a nerd! Broken glasses! So now we're blacklisted for being associated. That's pretty rock and roll, I guess.
Other than enforcing my own vigilante brand of crime-fighting, not much has happened. There was that night where my band was banned forever from the hookah bar Q-8 cafe because friend and saboteur
everchicken allegedly through a rock through their window. What a scamp! A wild night involving locksmiths, police officers, drunken antics. Everything a good rock show needs.You see, drunken Ricky was heaved out of the bar earlier because he refused to pay $3 to drink his friends beer. Later, when a rock was thrown through glass, the owner and his cronies automatically assumed it was Ricky who threw it. Like someone would resort to such vandalism just because he was thrown out of a stupid hookah bar. No mature adult would do something like that. It was actually Ricky's friend who threw it because he was pissed at them for breaking Ricky's glasses and then ran off, never to be seen again. What a nerd! Broken glasses! So now we're blacklisted for being associated. That's pretty rock and roll, I guess.