sometimes i hate having emotions.

[disposable_me]

i miss paul! it's like the other half of me is gone and it's weird. :(

i keep wanting to call him when i'm at work and be like..paul, come visit me i'm bored...but i can't :(

anyhow..on a completely unrelated note.... i'm having a really hard time with maggie being gone today. i had to send her mom a copy of her song so they could put it on her website and it's just really hard for me to think about. this summer when i was in ny i went to their house for the anniversary of her death and they had this whole day planned out but i could only be there for a bit. pat made me go in her room and take something to remember her by because she said she'd rather have all mag's friends have her stuff than some random person. her room was still set up the same, notes intact, posters up, jewelry from the day before she died layed out on her dresser. she came the night before, pat said, and pulled down a a rose from the vase, set it on her dresser so they'd know she was there for them. they already knew...but it was nice to see.

i have a key chain from a purse of hers when she was in early middle school that says "perfect," because she was...