frustration
my oods swings are getting to me. i'm so glad i'm switching pills after this pack is done, i can't take this shit. fuckin crying 2 or 3 times a day at rando intervals and suddenly being overly excited and manically in a cleaning mood. what the fuck. crazed frustrations ooze from me. its exhausting. what if it isn't the hormones though? what if i really am bipolar or manic or whatever? it could be. right now it really sucks. i'm all sad and poopy. give me an hour or so... then i'll be grumpy. then i'll be silly. then loving. then chill. then apathetic. then fucking nuts. then sad. then happy.
snow white aint got shit
katie is the seven dwarves
she is just a tool
stupid.
i'm really irritable. i need to listen to usic but everything is so fucking annoying, i turn it off and i'm fucking driven crazy by the silence. i can't through a page in a book, let alone the whole thing right now. i'm all fuck a tated. i'm battling myself. right now i could say anything and not fucking care. i caould tell my boyfriend to fuck off, i'm done and not even mean it. or joke about drugs and sex when he's trying to be serious and i can't stop. i just have to wait till the mood passes.
fuck.
i have been fighting impulses and instincts. because what if they are just distractions? what if its just fleeting? why would i ever want to pass up my impulses? i embrace them. what the eff? i dont feel that way. or that way.
i need to scream. i need to fight someone and get my ass kicked but go down punching. i dont care. i dont want to punch a bag. it cant defend itself.
it cant fight back.
it can't bleed.
it cant feel the mutual respect.
or mutual hate
i hate feeling like this. its like being a junior in highschool all over again.
but i just keep all this shit bottled up its bound to come out eventually, its bound to spill over the bullshit.
stop bein so full of shit.
i'm fuckin paranoid now.
its not a good night to see him. i know i'm gonna say stupid hurtful things that dont mean shit. i need to work on my papers tonight.
i'm so tired, so angry.
i feel sick.
i dont want to go to work.
one of our assignments for this class is to state a problem, identification is the first step to solving it (sounds like a fucking addict thing) and go through all these little steps. i said i hate y job. it is the problem. i went through all the shit, the miserable ness the being surrounded by people who don't like me, agree with me or respect me and that its not worth it for 9 50 and hour on top of the chauvinist and patriarchal steaming shit slung at me daily just makes me want to quit. find another job and quit. she said i should try some coping techniques and might find that i like it. what the fuck. its one stupid job. she's a fucking lawyer. i dont want a future with them, i dont even know where i'll be this fall.
cope?
what?
i'm sorry, but no. i just dont kwant to. i probably sound like an ass but fuck that.
how many months have i put up with shit that people deal with for years? and after all those years some of them say fuck it and leave anyway.
god.
i know. this is trivial and not the root of my frustration, it just eggs it on.
i deleted my facebook.
i joined suicide girls.
fuck em.
snow white aint got shit
katie is the seven dwarves
she is just a tool
stupid.
i'm really irritable. i need to listen to usic but everything is so fucking annoying, i turn it off and i'm fucking driven crazy by the silence. i can't through a page in a book, let alone the whole thing right now. i'm all fuck a tated. i'm battling myself. right now i could say anything and not fucking care. i caould tell my boyfriend to fuck off, i'm done and not even mean it. or joke about drugs and sex when he's trying to be serious and i can't stop. i just have to wait till the mood passes.
fuck.
i have been fighting impulses and instincts. because what if they are just distractions? what if its just fleeting? why would i ever want to pass up my impulses? i embrace them. what the eff? i dont feel that way. or that way.
i need to scream. i need to fight someone and get my ass kicked but go down punching. i dont care. i dont want to punch a bag. it cant defend itself.
it cant fight back.
it can't bleed.
it cant feel the mutual respect.
or mutual hate
i hate feeling like this. its like being a junior in highschool all over again.
but i just keep all this shit bottled up its bound to come out eventually, its bound to spill over the bullshit.
stop bein so full of shit.
i'm fuckin paranoid now.
its not a good night to see him. i know i'm gonna say stupid hurtful things that dont mean shit. i need to work on my papers tonight.
i'm so tired, so angry.
i feel sick.
i dont want to go to work.
one of our assignments for this class is to state a problem, identification is the first step to solving it (sounds like a fucking addict thing) and go through all these little steps. i said i hate y job. it is the problem. i went through all the shit, the miserable ness the being surrounded by people who don't like me, agree with me or respect me and that its not worth it for 9 50 and hour on top of the chauvinist and patriarchal steaming shit slung at me daily just makes me want to quit. find another job and quit. she said i should try some coping techniques and might find that i like it. what the fuck. its one stupid job. she's a fucking lawyer. i dont want a future with them, i dont even know where i'll be this fall.
cope?
what?
i'm sorry, but no. i just dont kwant to. i probably sound like an ass but fuck that.
how many months have i put up with shit that people deal with for years? and after all those years some of them say fuck it and leave anyway.
god.
i know. this is trivial and not the root of my frustration, it just eggs it on.
i deleted my facebook.
i joined suicide girls.
fuck em.