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[disguisedasme]

Okay, I reeeeeeeeeeally hate my dad. A couple of things...One, a week or two ago, he actually had the balls to suggest that the medications Joel and I were taking weren't working and maybe we should change. Um, not your call...Weren't working how? Because I'm home for a year? Because Joel's semester was less than perfect after a two-year break? Um

Comments

Insight

[flw]

Pride. That is your sin.

I have the solution: evolving_potato

You'd prefer to believe that you are a genius (and I think you are right... have you read other 19, 20 year old women's journals? Can you talk about your cat for two and a half hours a day for years on end, only taking a break to talk about your shoes?) and since College is designed for masses of people, well, it ain't built for you. And you know what, you're right.

It's one thing to have a paper due and spend two hours on it, and then say, "Oh well, I guess this about as good as it'll get," and then go watch The Gilmore Girls. It's quite another to pour your heart into it, and worry, and fret, and question yourself, and question why you're doing it, and question whether you should be doing it... etc...

Anyway, I am sure you've been over and over this. I empathize. Your Dad is scapegoating your "meds," because that's what "Normal" people do. They look for the easiest fix. And you are scapegoating pot and alcohol. But I bet you were only doing it so you could have a scapegoat.Blah,

Re: Insight

[disguisedasme]

You are right about some things but wrong about others. The college I went to was not built for masses of people (can you say 450 students?), it was built for people like me. (If you go back and read some of the entries from when I first showed up you'll see that I really did love it. I can't wait to go back

Re: Insight

[flw]

Please, please rant. Even though you are going to Saint John's, I still bet you are smarter than 90% of the people who go there. You are at the point where subjective measures become non-sensical. When they tried to quantify the term "Genius," they took a serious mis-step. An older reckoning of Genius combined accomplishment with native ability. So, maybe you're not a Genius, but why get hung up on it? And why get hung up on your Dad's accomplishments?

And the fact that your Dad "taught himself" Calculus (were there books involved? Did he have prior math teaching at all? Hmm, seems to me that the more you look into it the less anyone does anything by themselves. And ultimately, even if one has the benefit of a classroom setting, one must aquire all knowledge by oneself. Is the Calculus your Dad taught himself better Calculus than the Calculus you learned in class? I doubt it

Re: Insight

[disguisedasme]

I sincerely doubt that I am smarter than even 9% of the SJC population. My dad has not rallied himself with psycho christian fascists, lol, we're Jewish. His work with the prez is purely economical

[divineinmind]

70% of St. John's students take a year off at some point. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. It is better to take some time off when you feel yourself cracking than to push and push until your head explodes. You will not be so alone as you think when you come back as a freshman and everyone in your class is a sophomore. People there don't really give a shit about what year you are in. Seniors date freshmen, sophomores and juniors room together...when everyone is out on the Quad smoking cigarettes and gossiping no one really cares. I dare say you even have somewhat of an advantage: most of your friends will have already gone through what you in the middle of and they will be able to help you better than if they were right in the middle of it themselves.
Also, I am living in Annapolis this summer. We must get together at some point.
I love you. :)

[disguisedasme]

Is it true that 70% really take a year off? Cuz that makes me feel a little better...Do you know anyone else in our class who is taking the year off? I'd hate to be the only one...

[disguisedasme]

Oh yeah, and we totally have to get together, gimme a call :)
I love you too.

[socraticfuries]

You can be proud of what you've accomplished, because most people cannot make it to St. John's at all. Most people couldn't complete a single semester of St. John's. Only 30% of Americans ever set foot in a college--you're among them. And to do it whilst battling the rise and fall of moods...makes it even more of an accomplishment.

I guess, with regard to your meds, I would ask: what is different now than when you were on other meds (or none at all), and what might happen if you change them? What might happen if you don't change them? What leads you now to believe that they're the best option? All questions to consider, and only you have the answers.

[disguisedasme]

Even though I still have ups and downs, the meds I am on now make me more stable than I've ever been in my life. Besides, I'd rather take vitamins than lithium and need blood tests every 3 months for the rest of my life...I don't think what happened at St. John's would have been any different had I been on different medications. If I don't change them, I guess all that will happen is...they don't change. And with the aid of therapy and minor adjustments to the meds I'm on, I could be set in terms of meds for the rest of my life. Meds are only a small part of the picture. As much as they help, so much of it is therapy. I'd say it's 70% therapy and 30% meds. The meds are still thoroughly necessary because in some ways they make the therapy piece possible. When I was not on any mood stabilizers, my goal was to not kill myself before graduating high school. And I sincerely doubted I would make it. Now, on these meds, my goals are get back to SJC, graduate, get the sciences I need for vet school, go to vet school, become a veterinary

[socraticfuries]

Yeah, its a big difference.

[divineinmind]

I don't know of anyone from our class who is taking the year off as of now, but I know that Seth and Emilia are not coming back, at least for the time being. So sad. There were two students who took second semester of their freshman year off and they came back this past year. They seemed pretty okay to me.

[disguisedasme]

Emilia and Seth aren't coming back?! Why not?! I sad now... :(