shattered ...
hmm. tonight gets me thinking. i don't know if i should continue on with dancing. i really love it and that's what been pushing me to keep on going. but i'm at an age where i need to think of other things in my life as well. i should be focusing more time on work and my career but i keep dancing cause i love it.
what's unfortunate is that i've been doing so for over 5 years now (not including stints in high school for cultural dancing). it's been an ongoing struggle for me because i really want to do well. i want to become better. but i'm not naturally talented and can't pick things up as soon as i learn it. it's so hard for me to learn a piece, practice it more, and even look decent in it. that makes me question why i'm even doing this. albeit, dancing is not the number one priority in my life. but even though hard work and practice, it feels like i'm not getting anymore. i'm always back at square one.
case in point, i've been learning this really great piece for the past few days. usually i'm not that excited for a certain piece but this one really made me want to do well in it. it suited my 'style' and i felt confident in performing it. so i practiced at home and watched the video a million times, looking and analyzing each hand placement and angle and such. even practiced it while i was sick, pushing my body enough so that i can do well in the piece. i tried out for it today and i thought i did really well. it wasn't 100% perfect but i know i did my best and worked it. unfortunately i didn't get picked. yeah, i know it's not the end of the world and there'll be other pieces, but this was something i put my heart in. i've always wanted to know that i can learn a piece, perform it, and get casted in it right from the get-go. that hasn't happened to me yet. and i thought this would be the best chance for me, but i guess it wasn't enough.
i know i'll get over this by tomorrow. i just wanted to vent out my frustration on this issue because it means a lot to me. life will go on and everything will be fine. but right now, my confidence is shattered and this is the only way for me do deal with it. i'll bounce back like i always do. i shouldn't worry about it. at least, not until tomorrow after a good nights rest ...
what's unfortunate is that i've been doing so for over 5 years now (not including stints in high school for cultural dancing). it's been an ongoing struggle for me because i really want to do well. i want to become better. but i'm not naturally talented and can't pick things up as soon as i learn it. it's so hard for me to learn a piece, practice it more, and even look decent in it. that makes me question why i'm even doing this. albeit, dancing is not the number one priority in my life. but even though hard work and practice, it feels like i'm not getting anymore. i'm always back at square one.
case in point, i've been learning this really great piece for the past few days. usually i'm not that excited for a certain piece but this one really made me want to do well in it. it suited my 'style' and i felt confident in performing it. so i practiced at home and watched the video a million times, looking and analyzing each hand placement and angle and such. even practiced it while i was sick, pushing my body enough so that i can do well in the piece. i tried out for it today and i thought i did really well. it wasn't 100% perfect but i know i did my best and worked it. unfortunately i didn't get picked. yeah, i know it's not the end of the world and there'll be other pieces, but this was something i put my heart in. i've always wanted to know that i can learn a piece, perform it, and get casted in it right from the get-go. that hasn't happened to me yet. and i thought this would be the best chance for me, but i guess it wasn't enough.
i know i'll get over this by tomorrow. i just wanted to vent out my frustration on this issue because it means a lot to me. life will go on and everything will be fine. but right now, my confidence is shattered and this is the only way for me do deal with it. i'll bounce back like i always do. i shouldn't worry about it. at least, not until tomorrow after a good nights rest ...