Discovered in the Wrapping Paper - Day 19 "How the Cow Stole Christmas" - merentha13
How the Cow Stole Christmas
(with apologies to Dr Seuss)
Spotting Doyle sitting tensely on the settee in the squad meeting room, Bodie joined him and rested his arm along the back of the cushions, conveniently brushing against Doyle’s back as he did. At the light touch, Doyle’s tight shoulders dropped back down below his ears. Bodie smiled.
“What’s got your Christmas knickers in a knot today, sunshine?”
Doyle gave him a narrow eyed glare. “It’s Christmas Eve, Bodie. Another year we’re promised leave and at the whim of that Grinch Cowley we get called in. Four fucking years in a row, Bodie. We had plans!”
The door opened and a half dozen other CI5 agents entered the room voicing the same complaints as his partner. Bodie leaned in closer to Doyle and spoke:
Every agent working down at HQ liked Christmas a lot.
But the Cow, who ran CI5, no, he did not.
He ignored Christmas - the whole Christmas season!
Please don’t ask why. Even Betty doesn’t know the reason.
It could perhaps be that it didn’t fit in his calendar,
His days were not meant for poinsettias, but for roses and lavender.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
Is that his CI5 budget was two sizes too small.
Whatever the cause, be it a what or a who,
Cowley stood there in the VIP lounge, and addressed his crew.
Staring at them with a sour frown, he ordered his men out on the town.
For he knew that every criminal in London, above and beneath,
Was busy now dirtying his garden, and it made him seethe.
“They’re targeting Joe Public,” he said with a sneer.
Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his fingers nervously drumming,
"We MUST find some way to stop this danger from coming!"
“But, sir,” one brave agent spoke, “it’s the holiday now and time for a feast.
We’re to dine on pudding and veg and well-done roast beast.”
A festive meal was something the Cow couldn't abide in the least!
The Cow turned to the window and quietly spoke,
“Gentlemen, our mission is to defend the Smoke.
We work tirelessly to fix that which is broke.”
None of the agents dared to offer a joke.
“We work for the government, we work for the Crown.
But mostly we’re here to defend those asleep in this town.
All those who are dreaming and can rest without a care,
Because they trust that our protection is there.”
He paused in his speech for a moment or two.
Then he turned to the white board, his eyes blazing blue,
And pointed to the mug shots hung all in a row.
“These are the enemy and are the first that must go.”
He turned to his men with a grin most unpleasant.
Looking around the whole room, he took in every one present-
McCabe, Jax, Betty, Anson and Murphy
Lucas and Susan, Ruth, Doyle and Bodie.
“On your bikes lads, it’s time to begin.
We can’t let those who’d foul Ol’ Blighty win.”
Cowley’s crew moved into a warehouse, quiet snow filled the air,
While the criminals worked dastardly deeds without care.
When their nefarious activity was suddenly thwarted, they looked up with a glare.
“Drop your weapons,” the agents shouted, “don’t move, don’t you dare.”
Cowley’s agents were so smart and so slick,
They had those thugs handcuffed and captured right quick.
Now the baddies were all tucked up snug in their cells,
And Cowley was pleased that it all went so well.
What happened then? In rumors from the CI5 Restroom they say
That Cowley’s small budget grew three sizes that day!
He was proud and happy to end up the winner,
It was time to celebrate with that big Christmas dinner.
So he offered some beer and some fine malt scotch!
And even paid for the feast, while his men did watch.
CI5 Agent Bodie was not surprised in the least
When the Cow himself carved the well-done roast beast!
Title: How the Cow Stole Christmas
Author: merentha13
Slash: of course!
Archive: Yes
Disclaimer: written with admiration for fun
(with apologies to Dr Seuss)
Spotting Doyle sitting tensely on the settee in the squad meeting room, Bodie joined him and rested his arm along the back of the cushions, conveniently brushing against Doyle’s back as he did. At the light touch, Doyle’s tight shoulders dropped back down below his ears. Bodie smiled.
“What’s got your Christmas knickers in a knot today, sunshine?”
Doyle gave him a narrow eyed glare. “It’s Christmas Eve, Bodie. Another year we’re promised leave and at the whim of that Grinch Cowley we get called in. Four fucking years in a row, Bodie. We had plans!”
The door opened and a half dozen other CI5 agents entered the room voicing the same complaints as his partner. Bodie leaned in closer to Doyle and spoke:
Every agent working down at HQ liked Christmas a lot.
But the Cow, who ran CI5, no, he did not.
He ignored Christmas - the whole Christmas season!
Please don’t ask why. Even Betty doesn’t know the reason.
It could perhaps be that it didn’t fit in his calendar,
His days were not meant for poinsettias, but for roses and lavender.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
Is that his CI5 budget was two sizes too small.
Whatever the cause, be it a what or a who,
Cowley stood there in the VIP lounge, and addressed his crew.
Staring at them with a sour frown, he ordered his men out on the town.
For he knew that every criminal in London, above and beneath,
Was busy now dirtying his garden, and it made him seethe.
“They’re targeting Joe Public,” he said with a sneer.
Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his fingers nervously drumming,
"We MUST find some way to stop this danger from coming!"
“But, sir,” one brave agent spoke, “it’s the holiday now and time for a feast.
We’re to dine on pudding and veg and well-done roast beast.”
A festive meal was something the Cow couldn't abide in the least!
The Cow turned to the window and quietly spoke,
“Gentlemen, our mission is to defend the Smoke.
We work tirelessly to fix that which is broke.”
None of the agents dared to offer a joke.
“We work for the government, we work for the Crown.
But mostly we’re here to defend those asleep in this town.
All those who are dreaming and can rest without a care,
Because they trust that our protection is there.”
He paused in his speech for a moment or two.
Then he turned to the white board, his eyes blazing blue,
And pointed to the mug shots hung all in a row.
“These are the enemy and are the first that must go.”
He turned to his men with a grin most unpleasant.
Looking around the whole room, he took in every one present-
McCabe, Jax, Betty, Anson and Murphy
Lucas and Susan, Ruth, Doyle and Bodie.
“On your bikes lads, it’s time to begin.
We can’t let those who’d foul Ol’ Blighty win.”
Cowley’s crew moved into a warehouse, quiet snow filled the air,
While the criminals worked dastardly deeds without care.
When their nefarious activity was suddenly thwarted, they looked up with a glare.
“Drop your weapons,” the agents shouted, “don’t move, don’t you dare.”
Cowley’s agents were so smart and so slick,
They had those thugs handcuffed and captured right quick.
Now the baddies were all tucked up snug in their cells,
And Cowley was pleased that it all went so well.
What happened then? In rumors from the CI5 Restroom they say
That Cowley’s small budget grew three sizes that day!
He was proud and happy to end up the winner,
It was time to celebrate with that big Christmas dinner.
So he offered some beer and some fine malt scotch!
And even paid for the feast, while his men did watch.
CI5 Agent Bodie was not surprised in the least
When the Cow himself carved the well-done roast beast!
Title: How the Cow Stole Christmas
Author: merentha13
Slash: of course!
Archive: Yes
Disclaimer: written with admiration for fun