[EXO] i'm either gone in an instant (or here til' the bitter end) i/ii
i'm either gone in an instant (or here til' the bitter end) | EXO | jongin/sehun, baekhyun/jongin, jongin/lu han | r | ~12,000
jongin travels through alternate universes, only to return back to the same person (even if along the way, he meets new people and has new experiences)
written for runandgun
i'm either gone in an instant (or here til' the bitter end)
Jongin has always had a longing for adventure, an innate desire to experience new things ingrained right into the fibres of his bones, every part of him throbbing with the need to move move move and never stop. Even from a young age, he had a habit of wandering away without telling anyone, finding himself in the unfamiliar department of a shopping mall or at the wrong side of the park.
So it should be no surprise that Jongin is a Traveller, someone with the ability to travel through the different universes.
Being a Traveller is not about skills or talent, not about hard work or praying upon a shooting star. A Traveller is someone that is blessed with the gift (or the curse) from birth, but not all of them embrace them. Some of them hide their identities, never once using their abilities once they’ve got them controlled while others embrace their identities, always off at some unknown universe and a head full of stories to share.
Of course, there are rules and restrictions to Travelling. The most important rule is that a Traveller can only remain in a universe that is not theirs for a maximum of 100 days, or they will be stuck in that universe and their abilities forfeited. But once they’ve left the universe, they can never return to it. There are other rules, like how each Traveller has a different portal item, but nothing as crucial or as possibly damaging as the Limited Rule.
The first time Jongin, or any other Traveller, Travels is on the first day after their eighteenth birthday, where they are brought to a new universe without warning, every atom in their body on fire as the move between the universes, every inch of their skin crawling with the effect of displacement. Jongin is swimming when it happens. One minute the water is cool against his naked skin and the pressure sits lightly against him; the next minute, he is fully clothed and standing in the middle of a busy street, the crowd walking against him. The street is familiar at first, looks exactly like the path he takes to get to the cafe that he works part time at, but there is something off, something that doesn't sit right and makes disparity prickle against his skin as goosebumps.
"Another one? We’ve been getting a lot of first timers recently," a voice says behind him, words too close to his ears. Jongin turns abruptly to meet dark eyes and red hair that is too bright to be natural.
"First timer?" Jongin echoes back as a question and the man nods.
"You've never," he pauses to let someone pass by him, "- come with me, we'll find somewhere to talk."
Jongin frowns at that. "Why should I just trust you blindly?"
The man clicks his tongue, as if to hold back laughter. "Do you have any idea how to get back to your universe?"
Jongin has no idea what the man is saying but he is lost and alone, so he follows him.
◆
They end up in the cafe that Jongin works in, except it doesn't look quite right. The tables and chairs are arranged in the same way, the posters on the walls are the same, even frayed at the same spots, but there is nothing familiar about the people behind the counter or some of the items on the menu.
"So which universe are you from?" the man asks once they are sitted. Jongin doesn't answer; instead, he chooses to blink blankly at the question. The man's smile slides off his face, replaced by a look in between distressed and amused. "You have no idea what I am saying, don't you?"
Jongin nods and the man just sigh in response. "Do you know anything about alternate universes?"
Does he? He has read things like this on the Internet, read accounts that are supposedly true about people who suddenly find themselves in a world that is the same yet intensely different from their own. Yet even though it had sounded fantastical and amazing, he has never quite believed in it (probably because he would have wanted it to much to be grounded in his own reality).
The man sighs aloud again, long fingers drumming against the wooden tabletop. "I’m going to get some coffee and then I will explain everything to you." He pauses for a second. "By the way, my name is Tao."
◆
The coffee tastes sharper than he is used to, the aftertaste sitting heavily on his tongue, bitter. Jongin licks his lips in an attempt to neutralize the taste. Tao leans towards him, elbows on the table and propping his head up. Jongin leans back.
"What’s your name?" Tao asks.
"Jong-," he doesn’t get to finish because Tao cuts him off.
"Lesson number one: never use your real name in a universe that isn’t yours. Go by an alias, a nickname, or a completely new name, whatever."
"So you’re not really called Tao?"
Tao nods. "Go on, choose a name."
Jongin pursues his lips as he considers his options. He could choose a completely kickass name, go by the name of his favourite superhero or idol. He could invert his name or maybe even go by just his surname. He could even call himself James Bond.
Instead, he settles on Kai. Tao raises his eyebrow at that, "Why Kai? What does it mean to you?" Jongin shrugs as an answer. It sounds right in his head, like the acceptance of an identity that he has kept secret for so many years; a sort of reconnection in his own head.
Tao rolls his eyes at Jongin’s need for secrecy. "Alright, Kai. Now, listen to me and listen to me closely…"
◆
It takes the better half of the day for Tao to explain everything to Jongin; it doesn’t help that Tao has a habit of diverging and introducing side stories into his explanations, and Jongin finds himself knowing more about Tao than he cares to (though he suspects the information is all shallow and fickle) after his explanations are done. The sky has started its descent towards night time, cool orange blanketing them through the open glass window of the café. Tao leans back into his seat, crosses his arms, and looks at Jongin expectantly.
A long silence stretches between them; Jongin watches as Tao’s expression starts to change, going from a bright smile to something that resembles a frown.
"I can’t believe you have no reaction to anything that I’ve just told you," Tao fumes after a moment, uncrossing his arms and leaning forward to grab his drink, "isn’t any of this exciting to you?"
Jongin frowns back at him, "it’s not that it’s not exciting, it’s just… What do I do with this ability?"
Tao slams the cup down back on the table, earning glares from the other patrons of the café. He ignores them coolly and instead opts to look at Jongin, eyes squinted in disbelief.
"You could do so many things! You could Travel and go around meeting new people, seeing new places. This universe is similar to your own isn’t it? That’s why you are so underwhelmed. But there are places that are vastly different, places where choices have been made that have resulted in worlds that you cannot even begin to imagine. Don’t you want to go on adventures, Kai?"
Jongin feels a twitch in his chest, a little confirmation of what Tao had said. Tao smiles at him then, a small tilt of the lips that make it seem like he had seen the way Jongin's heart had reacted to his words. It makes Jongin slightly uneasy.
"So your portal is bodies of water. Remember that. For the first few times, you won't be able to control when you Travel, but slowly you will be able to. Remember to focus."
Jongin makes an uncommitted sound. "I really don't think I will be using this... Ability much."
Tao scoffs at that, "Please. No one can resist the power for long."
◆
Jongin bids Tao farewell after an hour or so. Tao wishes him the best of luck and Jongin watches as Tao walks against the crowd and soon gets swallowed up by them. He feels a pinch of worry at being alone in a foreign universe, but trudges forward with resolute.
He walks around aimlessly, just absorbing the environment around him, and every small different, every nuance, makes him feel more excited and scared at the same time. He falls asleep on a park bench and wakes up when the sun is rising, the colours in the sky vibrant and unlike anything he has seen back home.
The trip back home is oddly mundane. One minute he is drenched in water and the next he is back at the same pool he had been swimming in, sitting on the edge with his feet dangled just above the surface of the water. He pulls them back and stands up, brushing off imaginary dirt from the front of his jeans.
◆
The world is created through choice.
Choice can be as easy as yes or no, or it could be as complicated laying out a specific series of instructions. Yet the fundamental idea of choice is having the ability to decide what happens next, it is the pressure of having to say one thing should happen but the other should not. But the world is a fleeting, curious thing. Her mind is clouded with "what ifs" and "what abouts". Thus, instead of a definite choice being made, the world branches off to different answers, creates two realities where different choices happen, and this is how alternate universes are created. Sometimes the situations cause them to converge and become on single thread again, and sometimes they overlap once or maybe twice. They are even occasions where they run on parallel lines.
Everyone has the ability to choose too, has a right to decide what happens to themselves. People make decisions everyday, be they mundane and about what to eat or be they important and life-impacting. But the thing about the choices a human being makes as opposed to one that the world makes is that human choices are very rarely irreversible or split up. When a human choice is made, that's it.
◆
"Bullshit. Admit it, you probably got dead drunk and crashed at someone's house for a few nights," Sehun scoffs after Jongin had finished his story about travelling and alternate universes, "What do you think I am, stupid?"
Jongin feels his face scrunch up in frustration. Sure it was a really fantastical tale, but he has always been honest with Sehun, and it didn't make sense that Sehun would not believe him. His hand lingers at the back of his neck.
"Why would I lie to you?" Jongin asks. He is surprised at how resigned his voice sounds, how tired he sounds.
Sehun's face softens. "Come on Jongin, you can tell me anything."
"I have already told you everything," Jongin snaps back, Sehun's disbelief and concern causing exasperation to cloud his voice. Sehun's eyes widen for a split second before they go soft again, and that makes Jongin irrationally more irritated.
"Jong-," Sehun starts, but Jongin narrows his eyes and Sehun closes his mouth instead.
"Why don't I show you then?" Jongin challenges. Sehun gives him a skeptical look but nods his head.
The walk to the pool is quiet, the two of them not speaking as they make their way there. Sehun is humming something unrecognizable, but even the tuneless music doesn't help to elevate the awkward silence between them. Their hands brush once, and Jongin recoils like he has touched electricity. Sehun just stares forward and refuses to acknowledge his distaste.
When they get to the pool, Jongin doesn't allow Sehun to get a word in. Instead, he jumps into the pool, clothes on, and the last thing he hears before that still foreign feeling of displacement courses through his veins is Sehun shouting his name in alarm.
◆
Opening his eyes, Jongin finds himself standing in a park. It looks like every other park he has been to, except that the leaves here are pink with veins of red, and the flowers bloom green and smell of grass. He plucks out one of the leaves and brings it close to his nose, inhaling the scent of something sweet and spicy all at the same time. He crushes it in his fist and stuffs it into his back pocket, before he goes looking for a way back home.
He arrives back at the pool, again on the edge. His clothes are still soaked through and he can't help but shiver. He reaches into his pocket, grasping desperately for the leaf but it isn't there. Can he not bring things from one universe to the other? Tao hadn't told him anything about that. Sehun is gaping at him from a distance, and it doesn't take long for him to rush up to Jongin and crouch next to him.
"You just - you just disappeared," Sehun says. There is wonder in his voice and a tinge of fear that Jongin doesn't understand.
"I tried to bring something back to prove it to you, but apparently I can't bring things back," Jongin replies, as if in a trance. Goosebumps are lining his skin and he is so so cold. He rubs against his forearms uselessly.
"We should get you somewhere warm," Sehun says, "I'll buy you coffee."
"Do you believe me now?" Jongin asks as they trudge along a deserted dirt road, a shortcut, to the nearest 24/7 convenience store. Sehun stops in the middle of the road and Jongin does to. Sehun looks at him for a while, eyes wide and searching.
"I guess I have to."
◆
Jongin's Travelling start off as just day trips, wandering around a foreign land for a few hours before he went back to where he came from. He goes to universes that are similar to his, and ones that are so different that it feels more like a dream than reality. He never talks to anyone in these universes, except for maybe when he is looking for directions to the nearest body of water, and instead chooses to just absorb the feeling of being alone amongst so many people.
He likes to notice the differences, delights in picking up and experiencing something that he could never in his own universe, like coffee with salt or mayonnaise with ice cream. He wonders at places that exist in his world but are so starkly different in the new ones.
The day trips become whole day trips, and slowly transpire into overnight trips, where Jongin would lay somewhere to see the sun rise before rushing back to his universe to go to class. He is always tired and snappy, falling asleep in class and missing all his deadlines. Sehun looks at him with worry and concern but Jongin doesn't notice it when his head is only filled with excitement and anticipation of where his gift will bring him next.
◆
The first time Jongin decides to stay in a universe rather than go back after a few hours is because he doesn't want to deal with his own universe for a while. His grade had slid to hell and he was always itching to go somewhere else, to dive into a pool of water and emerge in a foreign land. Sehun is also starting to look at him like he is a fragile piece of china, or some sort of flight risk. It was getting unnerving and making is skin crawl. He Travels on the last day of the term and something about the night sky in this universe (bright stars and blinking lights) causes him to decide to stay.
"You understand why I have to go right? Sehun?" Jongin says after a long stretch of silence. Sehun doesn't reply and the silence seems to gain mass by the second, pressing down on Jongin's chest and making it uncomfortable to breathe. His exhale is awkwardly loud, sound of air loud due to lack of noise.
"Sehun?" Jongin says as he tilts his head towards his best friend. Sehun is looking straight up at the night sky, almost non-blinking and mind probably a million miles away. "Sehun," he tries again, louder and with more force. He has to hold back laughter when Sehun's body jolts in response, eyes blinking rapidly.
"You know I don't," Sehun replies softly, shifting so his calf presses against Jongin's, as if to apologize with physical contact.
Jongin laughs at his response, the sound void of mirth and instead tinged with bitterness and a hint of disappointment. "I was wishing you would. If not even you can understand my intention, no one ever will."
The silence blankets them again, heavier. Sehun's leg shifts away and Jongin feels the lost all the way to his heart; it feels too much like rejection at this particular moment.
"I am sorry," Sehun says after a brief moment, and even though there is sincerity laced into his words, Jongin still can't bring himself to forgive Sehun.
"I'll miss you," he says instead. And this is true, he is going to miss Sehun, because Sehun has always been a part of his world, always the best friend that has pulled him forward as much as he had helped propel Sehun through life. But the need to discover burns brighter than the need for security and consistency and now with the ability to Travel further and better than he ever thought possible, it was impossible for Jongin to stay.
"I'll miss you too, you little shit," Sehun replies as he reaches an arm, angle awkward, to ruffle at Jongin's hair.
◆
He wanders into the club because it is flashy and gaudy, neon lights framing the entrance and a speaker playing loud dance music next to the stairs. He needs this needless extravagance, something to distract himself from the weird feeling in his chest, as if someone was clenching on his heart and squeezing so tight. Someone hands him a brightly coloured concoction and he downs the shot without much thought, the alcohol burning down his throat and settling in his stomach as a warm mist.
The club is crowded, the heady smell of alcohol and people thick in the air. There are people dancing, grinding against each other, laughing. Snippets of conversations are carried away by the music, and the thumping of the bass integrates itself into the fibre of Jongin’s bones. Jongin manages to find a small corner in the club to stand in.
There’s a band playing that night it seems, introductions being made through the microphone, the loud voice carrying over the already noisy crowd. Jongin averts his gaze to the stage at the front of the club to see a young boy - probably eighteen, maybe slightly older - holding the microphone in his hand. His name is Byun Baekhyun and he is beautiful. Eyeliner rings his eyes and the leather jacket sits snugly against his shoulders. His hair is mused almost artistically, the hint of glitter caught glimmering under the bright spotlight. Jongin takes in a breath.
"And we are…EXO!" Baekhyun finishes the introduction to cheers and whistles from the crowd, and the band jumps into a song right away. Baekhyun is a stunner on stage, voice captivating and stage presence overwhelming. Jongin can’t take his eyes off him, and he wished he could have his hands on him. He leans against the wall behind him and closes his eyes to just drown in that voice, only opens them when the song is over. He glances up and Baekhyun is looking straight at him, gaze intense and forceful, completely intentional. Baekhyun smiles at him for a split second, a controlled tilt of the lips, before he looks back into the crowd.
◆
Jongin starts to leave when their set ends, hoping to find one of those Travel Hostels that Tao had told him about. He pushes past people, earning little clicks of tongue and annoyed groans.
He has a foot on the first step up to the streets when a hand clamps itself on his shoulder. Instinctively, he turns behind and what meets his eyes his a set of eyeliner-rimmed eyes. Byun Baekhyun.
"Hey, leaving so soon?" Baekhyun asks. The question is loaded with more, and Baekhyun's hand on his shoulder is unusually tight. "Haven't seen you around this scene before."
Jongin's mind races for an answer, an explanation. "Just...just passing by," he settles on lamely, wincing inwardly at how his voice trembled.
Baekhyun doesn't even seem to process his answer. "What's your name?" he asks another question instead. There is an expression of expectancy clear on his face, eyes bright with curiosity.
"Jo-Kai. My name is Kai," Jongin introduces. Baekhyun lifts his eyebrow in clear disbelief, but doesn't comment.
"I'm Baekhyun," Baekhyun introduces; he assesses Jongin's face for a while, lips pursued, "But you probably know that already. What did you think of our performance?"
Jongin tries to feign ignorance, but Baekhyun gives him a sharp look, a look that fades off in a split second. "Come on, we made eye contact and everything."
"It was good. You were good," Jongin reluctantly replies. Baekhyun's face lights up.
"Yeah?" Baekhyun replies nonchalantly but Jongin thinks he hears a current of surprise and even shyness in his voice.
They stand there in mutual silence, even as the club continues to pulse and throb with music and people behind them. Jongin swallows harshly and is about to leave when -
"Why don't you stay for a drink or two?" Baekhyun says before he can announce his departure. He opens his mouth to reject, but the idea of looking at Baekhyun a little more longer sounds awfully tantalizing.
He nods.
◆
By the time Jongin leaves the club, the sky is already starting to light up, the start of day peeking from beneath the suffocating darkness. He has Baekhyun's number scrawled with eyeliner across his forearm - "don't worry, the stick is almost dried up anyway" - and the taste of Baekhyun's teeth remains as a light burn on his own lips.
He finds the hostel without much problem, the black signboard making the neon yellow words stand out even in the dark. He blinks up at it and tentatively presses on the doorbell.
It takes the better half of a minute for the door to swing open, open towards him, and Jongin barely has time to react to prevent a face full of door. He frowns vaguely at the door before flickering his vision back. What greets him is an almost motherly smile and a head full of bed hair.
"Why did the door swing outwards?" he blurts out in irritation instead of a greeting. The smile doesn't fade but the person who had answered the door raises an eyebrow in surprise.
"That's how doors work here," he replies with ease, "Do you need a room for the night?"
"I need a room for a hundred days actually," Jongin replies.
The man observes him for a second. "First extended stay?"
Jongin shrugs and nods at the same time, shuffling his feet nervously against the concrete floor. The man's tone wasn't the least bit judgemental, but Jongin knew he was running away more than anything. He feels eyes flicker towards the stark black numbers on his arm before they are back to staring at him.
"Well, come on in. We do have a vacancy. And by the way, I am Joonmyun."
◆
The room Joonmyun brings him to is at the end of the corridor. It holds only the basic necessities but Jongin likes how it feels so dispassionate and non-threatening.
"There is a cellphone in the top cupboard next to the bed. You can use it for the duration of your stay. My number is already programmed in in case you need help on something or if you need to someone to bail you out of prison or something."
Jongin blinks at Joonmyun.
"Well, sometimes people break custom without realising. You'll be okay. You can use the phone to call -," Joonmyun gestures at the numbers on Jongin's arm. Jongin scowls at him and crosses his arms. "I'll leave you be then. Breakfast is served at 8am if you're interested," Joonmyun does a small wave to him before leaving the room. Jongin takes a minute to survey the surrounding before pulling open the cupboard for the phone.
He presses the number into the cellphone and almost clicks call before he remembers what time is it and how desperate that must make him look. Instead, he saves the number as a new contact and tosses it back into the cupboard. Fluffing out the provided pillow, Jongin crawls under the thin blanket and falls asleep with the lights on.
◆
He doesn't call or even text Baekhyun for the next three days. Instead, he goes around the universe and is a little disappointed that it seems to similar to his own (except for the fact that doors here seem to open outwards instead of inwards). The food is all a little spicier, and the way the people speak have a strong curl of the tongue, but there was nothing that didn't fall out of the uncanny valley. He walks past the club every afternoon, the neon lights off and the staircase dull with use in the sunlight, but all he remembers is how Baekhyun is seared into his mind.
In the evenings, he spends time sitting at the counter with Joonmyun, listening as the latter rattles on story after story about the different people that he has met running this place. His tone is a little nostalgic, a little lost, and even a little sad at times.
"I've said a lot of good byes, it takes a toll on you after a while," Joonmyun muses quietly one night over a bottle of wine. Jongin wants to say something to ease the tension, but Joonmyun laughs instead, shaking his head furiously. "So, how are you finding this place?"
Jongin hums, tells Joonmyun that it's not much different from where he is from. Joonmyun asks about the number he had scrawled on his arm the night he arrived.
"I never called him back," Jongin admits, feeling heat crawling up his neck for some reason. He downs the remaining wine his glass and tries to attribute the rising temperature to it instead.
Joonmyun drums his fingers against the wooden table, the hollow sound filling the air. "Aren't you on an adventure?" he asks, "Why not call the number and see how it goes?"
That night, tucked under his blanket with his leg tangled in a pair of jeans he had borrowed from the closet that Joonmyun has, Jongin selects Baekhyun's contact on his phone and sends him a text message with a single "hey". He falls asleep before he gets a reply.
◆
He wakes up to his cellphone buzzing insistently against his pillow, vibration travelling through the solid and ringing in his ear. Groaning, he answers the call and mumbles a drawl out hello into the receiver.
"Hey, is this Kai?" the voice on the other end starts the conversation. Jongin's mind is still foggy from sleep but the voice is oddly familiar.
Oh. Baekhyun.
"Y-yeah. Baekhyun?" Jongin replies, sleep still evident in his voice. His nickname is still unfamiliar to him, and it feels like a lie. He yawns loudly into the phone and he thinks he hears Baekhyun laugh softly.
"I got a text last night, no name. I'm glad it was from you, I was starting to think you weren't interested."
Jongin doesn't know what to reply to that so he doesn't, just keeps quiet and hums something tuneless as a reply. Baekhyun breathes deeply into the receiver on his side.
"I'm just passing by," Jongin finally says. He hears Baekhyun laugh from the other side, sound muffled as he covers a hand over the receiver of the phone.
"I just want to meet you again, not marry you," Baekhyun replies in amusement. His tone is teasing and light, and it helps put Jongin at ease.
Baekhyun gives Jongin an address - "my parents are out of town" - and after asking Joonmyun for help, Jongin realises the place is but a ten minutes walk away from where he is.
He buys two cups of coffee from a cafe he sees on the way there, eyebrow raising at some of the flavors offered. He orders two cups of vanilla latte because they sound familiar. He realises he could have texted Baekhyun to ask what he liked, but by then he already has two hands full of cups, the cardboard sleeves barely keeping the cups cool enough to hold.
Jongin barely remembers that the doors here swing outwards and almost gets a face full of door again. Baekhyun greets him without words, just a smile. He grabs one of Jongin's wrists, almost spilling the coffee, and tugs him into the house, pulling the door close behind him.
Baekhyun leads Jongin to the living room and there's already a movie playing on the television, loud and the bass vibrating against his skin. Baekhyun flops onto the couch and pats the seat next to him, gesturing for Jongin to take a seat.
The movie is a typical action film, all blood and no storyline, and Jongin feels his eyes shutting on their own. Baekhyun's thigh is warm against his own and Jongin dozes off to a light slumber.
◆
Jongin wakes up when the credits are rolling. He raises a hand to rub at his eyes and finds out that Baekhyun too had fallen asleep, body pressed into his own. Baekhyun is practically sprawled all over him, trapping Jongin's limbs beneath him. There's even a string of drool on crook of his neck, and Jongin scowls at it before rubbing it away with his shirt.
"Baekhyun," Jongin calls out, shaking Baekhyun's shoulder after he has managed to yank it out from beneath Baekhyun. Baekhyun just groans and shifts his body a little, threatening to roll off Jongin and onto the carpeted floor. Jongin barely holds him up.
Finally, Baekhyun wakes up, making a whiny sound as he stretches an arm and then the other. He stumbles onto his feet and smiles sleepily at Jongin. Jongin looks at him and notices how much younger Baekhyun looks without the harsh black of the eyeliner ringing around his eyes, or the tough material of the leather jacket framing his delicate shoulders.
Jongin picks up the coffee from the table and cringes when he drinks it, the previously hot coffee now cool and too sweet.
They spend the rest of the day lying next to each other on Baekhyun's bed, just talking. Baekhyun tells Jongin about his ambitions and his dreams, each one more and more absurd than the previous one, but when he looks at the way Baekhyun's eyes are bright with resolution, Jongin thinks that maybe Baekhyun could actually achieve them all.
Nothing physical happens that day. No lingering touches or stolen kisses. It is purely just the two of them getting to know each other through words and ideas. Jongin leaves the house after a dinner of pizza and Baekhyun sends him off with a smile brighter than the one he had greeted him with and a promise of another meeting.
◆
A week after Jongin arrives in this universe, he finds himself sitting on Baekhyun's bed as the latter prepares to perform again at the club. The same leather jacket is slung acros the top of his office chair and there is glitter stuck in the crevices of his room. Jongin finds glitter underneath his fingernails and digs at it desperately to get it out. Baekhyun wields the eyeliner almost like a weapon, hands steady and biting his lips in concentration.
"Don't you like, go to school?" Jongin asks as he picks at the loose threads on Baekhyun's bed sheets. Baekhyun pauses his make up application and turns to look at Jongin.
"It's the holidays now," Baekhyun replies, amused. Jongin feels his face burn.
"Told you, I'm just passing by," Jongin replies hurriedly. Baekhyun looks at him with clear disbelief but doesn't comment further. Instead, he shrugs and returns his attention to the mirror.
◆
There's something different about Baekhyun when he puts on the jacket and the make up, as if the glitter on his cheek was fairy dust rather than just specks of reflective particles. He is bolder, meaner, and he seems to shine brighter than a million stars. He draws attention to him without effort and his smiles are a little more sharper, a little more dangerous. Yet he is still undeniably Baekhyun, bouncing on his feet in excitement and making Jongin promise to watch them perform and to not disappear before their set has end.
Alcohol seems to do something to Baekhyun too, make him more pliable but still him, giggles louder and hands more touchy.
This time Jongin is the one that initiates the kiss, not because he really likes Baekhyun or anything, but because Baekhyun looks so gorgeous like this, rough on the edge and so well put together and broken down all at the same time. Baekhyun is as rough as he remembers, kisses more punishing than soothing, and Jongin revels in the speed and urgency of it all.
◆
Baekhyun brings him to his favourite spot in the vicinity a month after Jongin arrives. The month had passed by fast, Jongin spending more and more time with Baekhyun and getting to know him. He knows he has to leave when his time is up, and that it might be rude to string Baekhyun along, but Jongin is starting to feel something for Baekhyun that makes his heart swell just a little bit.
It is just a spot in the park near Baekhyun's place, a clearing almost. The sun is kept out by the thick foliage and the only light that hits them is in little silvers between the leafy branches. Baekhyun tugs Jongin's hand so they are both lying on the grassy ground.
"No one really comes here," Baekhyun starts, stretching his hands above him, "I cleared it out myself, actually."
Jongin turns and props himself up on his elbow so he is lying on his side and staring down at Baekhyun. He gives him a clear look of confusion.
"There used to be a lot of dead roots and plants here. I wanted a place to just think and be around nature, and this place was perfect after I was done with it."
Jongin hums and rolls back to lie on his back. Baekhyun throws a leg across one of Jongin's own. Jongin tries hard not flinch, but the weight is comfortable and steady.
"So...," Baekhyun starts, voice trailing off into the distance. Jongin hums for him to go on but Baekhyun doesn't. All Jongin hears is Baekhyun swallowing, the weight on his leg disappearing and then Baekhyun's nervous laughter. "Nothing. Just - nothing at all."
Jongin has an urge to pry, to try to get the words out of Baekhyun. But out of the corner of his eye, he sees Baekhyun's lips pressed into a thin line and decides to just close his eyes and allow the warmness to surround him instead.
Baekhyun is a little distant when they get dinner that night, limbs close to himself and not touching Jongin casually like he usually does. Jongin feels the gap intensely for some reason. It scares him to death.
◆
The next time they meet however, it is as if the awkwardness from before never happened. In fact, Baekhyun seems happier and more cheerful than before, even if Jongin feels as if not all of it was genuine. Baekhyun throws an arm around his shoulders, laughs at their height differences, before retracting his arm. Jongin just laughs back with him.
The next time they meet is also the first time that things goes beyond kissing, the first time Jongin feels the shock of another's skin against parts of him that are usually kept under clothes and fabric. It is the first time Jongin runs fingers down another boy's chest, feels the body tremble under his touch and the sighs sink deep into the cracks of his bones.
He has no idea what to do, no idea what is good and what is bad and his hands are shaking so badly as he grips Baekhyun's hips and pulls him closer. Baekhyun on the other hand, seems to know what to do, or at least knows what he wants. He guides Jongin with soft words and quiet nudges, hands steering Jongin's hands to where they want them placed.
Jongin doesn't know why but when Baekhyun is grinding lightly against him, the front of his jeans grounding against Jongin's, he blurts out:
"I'm just passing by."
Baekhyun stills for a moment, a short moment, before he continues his movement, picking up even more speed. Jongin doesn't understand it, couldn't understand it, but Baekhyun is looking straight down him, something unreadable in his eyes.
"I'm not looking for anything," Baekhyun assures him, steel in his voice. Jongin thinks he hears the tail end of a quiver, but he ignores it and just tries to believe what Baekhyun is telling him instead.
◆
When he goes back to the hostel that night, Baekhyun still lingering on his skin and taste still in his mouth, Joonmyun is sitting on the couch at the lobby, sipping on a cup of tea. He looks up when he hears the bells jingle, and he gives Jongin a one over before placing the cup back on the table and smiling at him with his usual motherly smile.
"Had a good time?" he asks cheekily as he crosses his legs and leans forward to look at Jongin. Jongin feels a flush tinge his cheeks and he wants more than nothing to reach up and hide the huge hickey that Baekhyun had left right next to his adam's apple. Jongin shrugs in response and Joonmyun pats the empty space next to him.
Reluctantly, Jongin sits next to Joonmyun, shifting uncomfortably before opting to just sit up straight, back rigid. Joonmyun doesn't comment but Jongin definitely sees his lips twitch in amusement.
"Was it number-on-your-hand boy?" Joonmyun asks, eyes bright with question and mirth. Jongin nods. Joonmyun pats him on the back.
"So this is like a universe fling huh? Get it, like a summer fling but a uni... never mind," Joonmyun's voice trails off with his obviously failed joke. Jongin doesn't say anything, just bites his lips nervously.
Joonmyun assesses him quietly then, face now serious and lips pursued. "You know you have to go back eventually right? You know the consequences of staying past the allocated days."
"I do," Jongin replies softly. He hears Joonmyun sigh.
"You teens and your emotions," he jokes lightly, but the grip he has on Jongin's hand is reassuring and comforting, "Wait here, I'll get you some tea."
Joonmyun stands up and heads to the kitchen behind the counter. Jongin leans back into the couch and exhales loudly into the quiet room.
◆
It is on the ninetieth day of his arrival that Jongin thinks about home, about Sehun. He is getting used to life here, getting used to hanging out with Baekhyun and sometimes Baekhyun's friends, getting used to the taste of cotton candy coffee and the way the doors here swing outwards. He even likes it here, the lack of restrictions and responsibilities.
But he doesn't want to stay here, because staying would mean a shift away from that, it would mean a need to build something permanent and long-term. It would mean he had to find a job and integrate into society, and he would be stuck here with no way out. And as much as he was starting to develop feelings for Baekhyun, starting to maybe not mind staying here, he still values his freedom and adventures more, values the experiences the world can bring rather than the ones that a mere person could bring.
And it is a mean thing to do, an asshole action of the highest caliber, but Jongin leaves in the middle of the night. He knocks on Joonmyun's door and hugs the sleepy man farewell. Joonmyun pats him on the back and wishes him all the best. He considers sending Baekhyun a text, or to call him up, but he doesn't. Instead, he leaves the cellphone behind with a draft of a message that only says: "I was just passing by."
part two
jongin travels through alternate universes, only to return back to the same person (even if along the way, he meets new people and has new experiences)
written for runandgun
i'm either gone in an instant (or here til' the bitter end)
Jongin has always had a longing for adventure, an innate desire to experience new things ingrained right into the fibres of his bones, every part of him throbbing with the need to move move move and never stop. Even from a young age, he had a habit of wandering away without telling anyone, finding himself in the unfamiliar department of a shopping mall or at the wrong side of the park.
So it should be no surprise that Jongin is a Traveller, someone with the ability to travel through the different universes.
Being a Traveller is not about skills or talent, not about hard work or praying upon a shooting star. A Traveller is someone that is blessed with the gift (or the curse) from birth, but not all of them embrace them. Some of them hide their identities, never once using their abilities once they’ve got them controlled while others embrace their identities, always off at some unknown universe and a head full of stories to share.
Of course, there are rules and restrictions to Travelling. The most important rule is that a Traveller can only remain in a universe that is not theirs for a maximum of 100 days, or they will be stuck in that universe and their abilities forfeited. But once they’ve left the universe, they can never return to it. There are other rules, like how each Traveller has a different portal item, but nothing as crucial or as possibly damaging as the Limited Rule.
The first time Jongin, or any other Traveller, Travels is on the first day after their eighteenth birthday, where they are brought to a new universe without warning, every atom in their body on fire as the move between the universes, every inch of their skin crawling with the effect of displacement. Jongin is swimming when it happens. One minute the water is cool against his naked skin and the pressure sits lightly against him; the next minute, he is fully clothed and standing in the middle of a busy street, the crowd walking against him. The street is familiar at first, looks exactly like the path he takes to get to the cafe that he works part time at, but there is something off, something that doesn't sit right and makes disparity prickle against his skin as goosebumps.
"Another one? We’ve been getting a lot of first timers recently," a voice says behind him, words too close to his ears. Jongin turns abruptly to meet dark eyes and red hair that is too bright to be natural.
"First timer?" Jongin echoes back as a question and the man nods.
"You've never," he pauses to let someone pass by him, "- come with me, we'll find somewhere to talk."
Jongin frowns at that. "Why should I just trust you blindly?"
The man clicks his tongue, as if to hold back laughter. "Do you have any idea how to get back to your universe?"
Jongin has no idea what the man is saying but he is lost and alone, so he follows him.
◆
They end up in the cafe that Jongin works in, except it doesn't look quite right. The tables and chairs are arranged in the same way, the posters on the walls are the same, even frayed at the same spots, but there is nothing familiar about the people behind the counter or some of the items on the menu.
"So which universe are you from?" the man asks once they are sitted. Jongin doesn't answer; instead, he chooses to blink blankly at the question. The man's smile slides off his face, replaced by a look in between distressed and amused. "You have no idea what I am saying, don't you?"
Jongin nods and the man just sigh in response. "Do you know anything about alternate universes?"
Does he? He has read things like this on the Internet, read accounts that are supposedly true about people who suddenly find themselves in a world that is the same yet intensely different from their own. Yet even though it had sounded fantastical and amazing, he has never quite believed in it (probably because he would have wanted it to much to be grounded in his own reality).
The man sighs aloud again, long fingers drumming against the wooden tabletop. "I’m going to get some coffee and then I will explain everything to you." He pauses for a second. "By the way, my name is Tao."
◆
The coffee tastes sharper than he is used to, the aftertaste sitting heavily on his tongue, bitter. Jongin licks his lips in an attempt to neutralize the taste. Tao leans towards him, elbows on the table and propping his head up. Jongin leans back.
"What’s your name?" Tao asks.
"Jong-," he doesn’t get to finish because Tao cuts him off.
"Lesson number one: never use your real name in a universe that isn’t yours. Go by an alias, a nickname, or a completely new name, whatever."
"So you’re not really called Tao?"
Tao nods. "Go on, choose a name."
Jongin pursues his lips as he considers his options. He could choose a completely kickass name, go by the name of his favourite superhero or idol. He could invert his name or maybe even go by just his surname. He could even call himself James Bond.
Instead, he settles on Kai. Tao raises his eyebrow at that, "Why Kai? What does it mean to you?" Jongin shrugs as an answer. It sounds right in his head, like the acceptance of an identity that he has kept secret for so many years; a sort of reconnection in his own head.
Tao rolls his eyes at Jongin’s need for secrecy. "Alright, Kai. Now, listen to me and listen to me closely…"
◆
It takes the better half of the day for Tao to explain everything to Jongin; it doesn’t help that Tao has a habit of diverging and introducing side stories into his explanations, and Jongin finds himself knowing more about Tao than he cares to (though he suspects the information is all shallow and fickle) after his explanations are done. The sky has started its descent towards night time, cool orange blanketing them through the open glass window of the café. Tao leans back into his seat, crosses his arms, and looks at Jongin expectantly.
A long silence stretches between them; Jongin watches as Tao’s expression starts to change, going from a bright smile to something that resembles a frown.
"I can’t believe you have no reaction to anything that I’ve just told you," Tao fumes after a moment, uncrossing his arms and leaning forward to grab his drink, "isn’t any of this exciting to you?"
Jongin frowns back at him, "it’s not that it’s not exciting, it’s just… What do I do with this ability?"
Tao slams the cup down back on the table, earning glares from the other patrons of the café. He ignores them coolly and instead opts to look at Jongin, eyes squinted in disbelief.
"You could do so many things! You could Travel and go around meeting new people, seeing new places. This universe is similar to your own isn’t it? That’s why you are so underwhelmed. But there are places that are vastly different, places where choices have been made that have resulted in worlds that you cannot even begin to imagine. Don’t you want to go on adventures, Kai?"
Jongin feels a twitch in his chest, a little confirmation of what Tao had said. Tao smiles at him then, a small tilt of the lips that make it seem like he had seen the way Jongin's heart had reacted to his words. It makes Jongin slightly uneasy.
"So your portal is bodies of water. Remember that. For the first few times, you won't be able to control when you Travel, but slowly you will be able to. Remember to focus."
Jongin makes an uncommitted sound. "I really don't think I will be using this... Ability much."
Tao scoffs at that, "Please. No one can resist the power for long."
◆
Jongin bids Tao farewell after an hour or so. Tao wishes him the best of luck and Jongin watches as Tao walks against the crowd and soon gets swallowed up by them. He feels a pinch of worry at being alone in a foreign universe, but trudges forward with resolute.
He walks around aimlessly, just absorbing the environment around him, and every small different, every nuance, makes him feel more excited and scared at the same time. He falls asleep on a park bench and wakes up when the sun is rising, the colours in the sky vibrant and unlike anything he has seen back home.
The trip back home is oddly mundane. One minute he is drenched in water and the next he is back at the same pool he had been swimming in, sitting on the edge with his feet dangled just above the surface of the water. He pulls them back and stands up, brushing off imaginary dirt from the front of his jeans.
◆
The world is created through choice.
Choice can be as easy as yes or no, or it could be as complicated laying out a specific series of instructions. Yet the fundamental idea of choice is having the ability to decide what happens next, it is the pressure of having to say one thing should happen but the other should not. But the world is a fleeting, curious thing. Her mind is clouded with "what ifs" and "what abouts". Thus, instead of a definite choice being made, the world branches off to different answers, creates two realities where different choices happen, and this is how alternate universes are created. Sometimes the situations cause them to converge and become on single thread again, and sometimes they overlap once or maybe twice. They are even occasions where they run on parallel lines.
Everyone has the ability to choose too, has a right to decide what happens to themselves. People make decisions everyday, be they mundane and about what to eat or be they important and life-impacting. But the thing about the choices a human being makes as opposed to one that the world makes is that human choices are very rarely irreversible or split up. When a human choice is made, that's it.
◆
"Bullshit. Admit it, you probably got dead drunk and crashed at someone's house for a few nights," Sehun scoffs after Jongin had finished his story about travelling and alternate universes, "What do you think I am, stupid?"
Jongin feels his face scrunch up in frustration. Sure it was a really fantastical tale, but he has always been honest with Sehun, and it didn't make sense that Sehun would not believe him. His hand lingers at the back of his neck.
"Why would I lie to you?" Jongin asks. He is surprised at how resigned his voice sounds, how tired he sounds.
Sehun's face softens. "Come on Jongin, you can tell me anything."
"I have already told you everything," Jongin snaps back, Sehun's disbelief and concern causing exasperation to cloud his voice. Sehun's eyes widen for a split second before they go soft again, and that makes Jongin irrationally more irritated.
"Jong-," Sehun starts, but Jongin narrows his eyes and Sehun closes his mouth instead.
"Why don't I show you then?" Jongin challenges. Sehun gives him a skeptical look but nods his head.
The walk to the pool is quiet, the two of them not speaking as they make their way there. Sehun is humming something unrecognizable, but even the tuneless music doesn't help to elevate the awkward silence between them. Their hands brush once, and Jongin recoils like he has touched electricity. Sehun just stares forward and refuses to acknowledge his distaste.
When they get to the pool, Jongin doesn't allow Sehun to get a word in. Instead, he jumps into the pool, clothes on, and the last thing he hears before that still foreign feeling of displacement courses through his veins is Sehun shouting his name in alarm.
◆
Opening his eyes, Jongin finds himself standing in a park. It looks like every other park he has been to, except that the leaves here are pink with veins of red, and the flowers bloom green and smell of grass. He plucks out one of the leaves and brings it close to his nose, inhaling the scent of something sweet and spicy all at the same time. He crushes it in his fist and stuffs it into his back pocket, before he goes looking for a way back home.
He arrives back at the pool, again on the edge. His clothes are still soaked through and he can't help but shiver. He reaches into his pocket, grasping desperately for the leaf but it isn't there. Can he not bring things from one universe to the other? Tao hadn't told him anything about that. Sehun is gaping at him from a distance, and it doesn't take long for him to rush up to Jongin and crouch next to him.
"You just - you just disappeared," Sehun says. There is wonder in his voice and a tinge of fear that Jongin doesn't understand.
"I tried to bring something back to prove it to you, but apparently I can't bring things back," Jongin replies, as if in a trance. Goosebumps are lining his skin and he is so so cold. He rubs against his forearms uselessly.
"We should get you somewhere warm," Sehun says, "I'll buy you coffee."
"Do you believe me now?" Jongin asks as they trudge along a deserted dirt road, a shortcut, to the nearest 24/7 convenience store. Sehun stops in the middle of the road and Jongin does to. Sehun looks at him for a while, eyes wide and searching.
"I guess I have to."
◆
Jongin's Travelling start off as just day trips, wandering around a foreign land for a few hours before he went back to where he came from. He goes to universes that are similar to his, and ones that are so different that it feels more like a dream than reality. He never talks to anyone in these universes, except for maybe when he is looking for directions to the nearest body of water, and instead chooses to just absorb the feeling of being alone amongst so many people.
He likes to notice the differences, delights in picking up and experiencing something that he could never in his own universe, like coffee with salt or mayonnaise with ice cream. He wonders at places that exist in his world but are so starkly different in the new ones.
The day trips become whole day trips, and slowly transpire into overnight trips, where Jongin would lay somewhere to see the sun rise before rushing back to his universe to go to class. He is always tired and snappy, falling asleep in class and missing all his deadlines. Sehun looks at him with worry and concern but Jongin doesn't notice it when his head is only filled with excitement and anticipation of where his gift will bring him next.
◆
The first time Jongin decides to stay in a universe rather than go back after a few hours is because he doesn't want to deal with his own universe for a while. His grade had slid to hell and he was always itching to go somewhere else, to dive into a pool of water and emerge in a foreign land. Sehun is also starting to look at him like he is a fragile piece of china, or some sort of flight risk. It was getting unnerving and making is skin crawl. He Travels on the last day of the term and something about the night sky in this universe (bright stars and blinking lights) causes him to decide to stay.
"You understand why I have to go right? Sehun?" Jongin says after a long stretch of silence. Sehun doesn't reply and the silence seems to gain mass by the second, pressing down on Jongin's chest and making it uncomfortable to breathe. His exhale is awkwardly loud, sound of air loud due to lack of noise.
"Sehun?" Jongin says as he tilts his head towards his best friend. Sehun is looking straight up at the night sky, almost non-blinking and mind probably a million miles away. "Sehun," he tries again, louder and with more force. He has to hold back laughter when Sehun's body jolts in response, eyes blinking rapidly.
"You know I don't," Sehun replies softly, shifting so his calf presses against Jongin's, as if to apologize with physical contact.
Jongin laughs at his response, the sound void of mirth and instead tinged with bitterness and a hint of disappointment. "I was wishing you would. If not even you can understand my intention, no one ever will."
The silence blankets them again, heavier. Sehun's leg shifts away and Jongin feels the lost all the way to his heart; it feels too much like rejection at this particular moment.
"I am sorry," Sehun says after a brief moment, and even though there is sincerity laced into his words, Jongin still can't bring himself to forgive Sehun.
"I'll miss you," he says instead. And this is true, he is going to miss Sehun, because Sehun has always been a part of his world, always the best friend that has pulled him forward as much as he had helped propel Sehun through life. But the need to discover burns brighter than the need for security and consistency and now with the ability to Travel further and better than he ever thought possible, it was impossible for Jongin to stay.
"I'll miss you too, you little shit," Sehun replies as he reaches an arm, angle awkward, to ruffle at Jongin's hair.
◆
He wanders into the club because it is flashy and gaudy, neon lights framing the entrance and a speaker playing loud dance music next to the stairs. He needs this needless extravagance, something to distract himself from the weird feeling in his chest, as if someone was clenching on his heart and squeezing so tight. Someone hands him a brightly coloured concoction and he downs the shot without much thought, the alcohol burning down his throat and settling in his stomach as a warm mist.
The club is crowded, the heady smell of alcohol and people thick in the air. There are people dancing, grinding against each other, laughing. Snippets of conversations are carried away by the music, and the thumping of the bass integrates itself into the fibre of Jongin’s bones. Jongin manages to find a small corner in the club to stand in.
There’s a band playing that night it seems, introductions being made through the microphone, the loud voice carrying over the already noisy crowd. Jongin averts his gaze to the stage at the front of the club to see a young boy - probably eighteen, maybe slightly older - holding the microphone in his hand. His name is Byun Baekhyun and he is beautiful. Eyeliner rings his eyes and the leather jacket sits snugly against his shoulders. His hair is mused almost artistically, the hint of glitter caught glimmering under the bright spotlight. Jongin takes in a breath.
"And we are…EXO!" Baekhyun finishes the introduction to cheers and whistles from the crowd, and the band jumps into a song right away. Baekhyun is a stunner on stage, voice captivating and stage presence overwhelming. Jongin can’t take his eyes off him, and he wished he could have his hands on him. He leans against the wall behind him and closes his eyes to just drown in that voice, only opens them when the song is over. He glances up and Baekhyun is looking straight at him, gaze intense and forceful, completely intentional. Baekhyun smiles at him for a split second, a controlled tilt of the lips, before he looks back into the crowd.
◆
Jongin starts to leave when their set ends, hoping to find one of those Travel Hostels that Tao had told him about. He pushes past people, earning little clicks of tongue and annoyed groans.
He has a foot on the first step up to the streets when a hand clamps itself on his shoulder. Instinctively, he turns behind and what meets his eyes his a set of eyeliner-rimmed eyes. Byun Baekhyun.
"Hey, leaving so soon?" Baekhyun asks. The question is loaded with more, and Baekhyun's hand on his shoulder is unusually tight. "Haven't seen you around this scene before."
Jongin's mind races for an answer, an explanation. "Just...just passing by," he settles on lamely, wincing inwardly at how his voice trembled.
Baekhyun doesn't even seem to process his answer. "What's your name?" he asks another question instead. There is an expression of expectancy clear on his face, eyes bright with curiosity.
"Jo-Kai. My name is Kai," Jongin introduces. Baekhyun lifts his eyebrow in clear disbelief, but doesn't comment.
"I'm Baekhyun," Baekhyun introduces; he assesses Jongin's face for a while, lips pursued, "But you probably know that already. What did you think of our performance?"
Jongin tries to feign ignorance, but Baekhyun gives him a sharp look, a look that fades off in a split second. "Come on, we made eye contact and everything."
"It was good. You were good," Jongin reluctantly replies. Baekhyun's face lights up.
"Yeah?" Baekhyun replies nonchalantly but Jongin thinks he hears a current of surprise and even shyness in his voice.
They stand there in mutual silence, even as the club continues to pulse and throb with music and people behind them. Jongin swallows harshly and is about to leave when -
"Why don't you stay for a drink or two?" Baekhyun says before he can announce his departure. He opens his mouth to reject, but the idea of looking at Baekhyun a little more longer sounds awfully tantalizing.
He nods.
◆
By the time Jongin leaves the club, the sky is already starting to light up, the start of day peeking from beneath the suffocating darkness. He has Baekhyun's number scrawled with eyeliner across his forearm - "don't worry, the stick is almost dried up anyway" - and the taste of Baekhyun's teeth remains as a light burn on his own lips.
He finds the hostel without much problem, the black signboard making the neon yellow words stand out even in the dark. He blinks up at it and tentatively presses on the doorbell.
It takes the better half of a minute for the door to swing open, open towards him, and Jongin barely has time to react to prevent a face full of door. He frowns vaguely at the door before flickering his vision back. What greets him is an almost motherly smile and a head full of bed hair.
"Why did the door swing outwards?" he blurts out in irritation instead of a greeting. The smile doesn't fade but the person who had answered the door raises an eyebrow in surprise.
"That's how doors work here," he replies with ease, "Do you need a room for the night?"
"I need a room for a hundred days actually," Jongin replies.
The man observes him for a second. "First extended stay?"
Jongin shrugs and nods at the same time, shuffling his feet nervously against the concrete floor. The man's tone wasn't the least bit judgemental, but Jongin knew he was running away more than anything. He feels eyes flicker towards the stark black numbers on his arm before they are back to staring at him.
"Well, come on in. We do have a vacancy. And by the way, I am Joonmyun."
◆
The room Joonmyun brings him to is at the end of the corridor. It holds only the basic necessities but Jongin likes how it feels so dispassionate and non-threatening.
"There is a cellphone in the top cupboard next to the bed. You can use it for the duration of your stay. My number is already programmed in in case you need help on something or if you need to someone to bail you out of prison or something."
Jongin blinks at Joonmyun.
"Well, sometimes people break custom without realising. You'll be okay. You can use the phone to call -," Joonmyun gestures at the numbers on Jongin's arm. Jongin scowls at him and crosses his arms. "I'll leave you be then. Breakfast is served at 8am if you're interested," Joonmyun does a small wave to him before leaving the room. Jongin takes a minute to survey the surrounding before pulling open the cupboard for the phone.
He presses the number into the cellphone and almost clicks call before he remembers what time is it and how desperate that must make him look. Instead, he saves the number as a new contact and tosses it back into the cupboard. Fluffing out the provided pillow, Jongin crawls under the thin blanket and falls asleep with the lights on.
◆
He doesn't call or even text Baekhyun for the next three days. Instead, he goes around the universe and is a little disappointed that it seems to similar to his own (except for the fact that doors here seem to open outwards instead of inwards). The food is all a little spicier, and the way the people speak have a strong curl of the tongue, but there was nothing that didn't fall out of the uncanny valley. He walks past the club every afternoon, the neon lights off and the staircase dull with use in the sunlight, but all he remembers is how Baekhyun is seared into his mind.
In the evenings, he spends time sitting at the counter with Joonmyun, listening as the latter rattles on story after story about the different people that he has met running this place. His tone is a little nostalgic, a little lost, and even a little sad at times.
"I've said a lot of good byes, it takes a toll on you after a while," Joonmyun muses quietly one night over a bottle of wine. Jongin wants to say something to ease the tension, but Joonmyun laughs instead, shaking his head furiously. "So, how are you finding this place?"
Jongin hums, tells Joonmyun that it's not much different from where he is from. Joonmyun asks about the number he had scrawled on his arm the night he arrived.
"I never called him back," Jongin admits, feeling heat crawling up his neck for some reason. He downs the remaining wine his glass and tries to attribute the rising temperature to it instead.
Joonmyun drums his fingers against the wooden table, the hollow sound filling the air. "Aren't you on an adventure?" he asks, "Why not call the number and see how it goes?"
That night, tucked under his blanket with his leg tangled in a pair of jeans he had borrowed from the closet that Joonmyun has, Jongin selects Baekhyun's contact on his phone and sends him a text message with a single "hey". He falls asleep before he gets a reply.
◆
He wakes up to his cellphone buzzing insistently against his pillow, vibration travelling through the solid and ringing in his ear. Groaning, he answers the call and mumbles a drawl out hello into the receiver.
"Hey, is this Kai?" the voice on the other end starts the conversation. Jongin's mind is still foggy from sleep but the voice is oddly familiar.
Oh. Baekhyun.
"Y-yeah. Baekhyun?" Jongin replies, sleep still evident in his voice. His nickname is still unfamiliar to him, and it feels like a lie. He yawns loudly into the phone and he thinks he hears Baekhyun laugh softly.
"I got a text last night, no name. I'm glad it was from you, I was starting to think you weren't interested."
Jongin doesn't know what to reply to that so he doesn't, just keeps quiet and hums something tuneless as a reply. Baekhyun breathes deeply into the receiver on his side.
"I'm just passing by," Jongin finally says. He hears Baekhyun laugh from the other side, sound muffled as he covers a hand over the receiver of the phone.
"I just want to meet you again, not marry you," Baekhyun replies in amusement. His tone is teasing and light, and it helps put Jongin at ease.
Baekhyun gives Jongin an address - "my parents are out of town" - and after asking Joonmyun for help, Jongin realises the place is but a ten minutes walk away from where he is.
He buys two cups of coffee from a cafe he sees on the way there, eyebrow raising at some of the flavors offered. He orders two cups of vanilla latte because they sound familiar. He realises he could have texted Baekhyun to ask what he liked, but by then he already has two hands full of cups, the cardboard sleeves barely keeping the cups cool enough to hold.
Jongin barely remembers that the doors here swing outwards and almost gets a face full of door again. Baekhyun greets him without words, just a smile. He grabs one of Jongin's wrists, almost spilling the coffee, and tugs him into the house, pulling the door close behind him.
Baekhyun leads Jongin to the living room and there's already a movie playing on the television, loud and the bass vibrating against his skin. Baekhyun flops onto the couch and pats the seat next to him, gesturing for Jongin to take a seat.
The movie is a typical action film, all blood and no storyline, and Jongin feels his eyes shutting on their own. Baekhyun's thigh is warm against his own and Jongin dozes off to a light slumber.
◆
Jongin wakes up when the credits are rolling. He raises a hand to rub at his eyes and finds out that Baekhyun too had fallen asleep, body pressed into his own. Baekhyun is practically sprawled all over him, trapping Jongin's limbs beneath him. There's even a string of drool on crook of his neck, and Jongin scowls at it before rubbing it away with his shirt.
"Baekhyun," Jongin calls out, shaking Baekhyun's shoulder after he has managed to yank it out from beneath Baekhyun. Baekhyun just groans and shifts his body a little, threatening to roll off Jongin and onto the carpeted floor. Jongin barely holds him up.
Finally, Baekhyun wakes up, making a whiny sound as he stretches an arm and then the other. He stumbles onto his feet and smiles sleepily at Jongin. Jongin looks at him and notices how much younger Baekhyun looks without the harsh black of the eyeliner ringing around his eyes, or the tough material of the leather jacket framing his delicate shoulders.
Jongin picks up the coffee from the table and cringes when he drinks it, the previously hot coffee now cool and too sweet.
They spend the rest of the day lying next to each other on Baekhyun's bed, just talking. Baekhyun tells Jongin about his ambitions and his dreams, each one more and more absurd than the previous one, but when he looks at the way Baekhyun's eyes are bright with resolution, Jongin thinks that maybe Baekhyun could actually achieve them all.
Nothing physical happens that day. No lingering touches or stolen kisses. It is purely just the two of them getting to know each other through words and ideas. Jongin leaves the house after a dinner of pizza and Baekhyun sends him off with a smile brighter than the one he had greeted him with and a promise of another meeting.
◆
A week after Jongin arrives in this universe, he finds himself sitting on Baekhyun's bed as the latter prepares to perform again at the club. The same leather jacket is slung acros the top of his office chair and there is glitter stuck in the crevices of his room. Jongin finds glitter underneath his fingernails and digs at it desperately to get it out. Baekhyun wields the eyeliner almost like a weapon, hands steady and biting his lips in concentration.
"Don't you like, go to school?" Jongin asks as he picks at the loose threads on Baekhyun's bed sheets. Baekhyun pauses his make up application and turns to look at Jongin.
"It's the holidays now," Baekhyun replies, amused. Jongin feels his face burn.
"Told you, I'm just passing by," Jongin replies hurriedly. Baekhyun looks at him with clear disbelief but doesn't comment further. Instead, he shrugs and returns his attention to the mirror.
◆
There's something different about Baekhyun when he puts on the jacket and the make up, as if the glitter on his cheek was fairy dust rather than just specks of reflective particles. He is bolder, meaner, and he seems to shine brighter than a million stars. He draws attention to him without effort and his smiles are a little more sharper, a little more dangerous. Yet he is still undeniably Baekhyun, bouncing on his feet in excitement and making Jongin promise to watch them perform and to not disappear before their set has end.
Alcohol seems to do something to Baekhyun too, make him more pliable but still him, giggles louder and hands more touchy.
This time Jongin is the one that initiates the kiss, not because he really likes Baekhyun or anything, but because Baekhyun looks so gorgeous like this, rough on the edge and so well put together and broken down all at the same time. Baekhyun is as rough as he remembers, kisses more punishing than soothing, and Jongin revels in the speed and urgency of it all.
◆
Baekhyun brings him to his favourite spot in the vicinity a month after Jongin arrives. The month had passed by fast, Jongin spending more and more time with Baekhyun and getting to know him. He knows he has to leave when his time is up, and that it might be rude to string Baekhyun along, but Jongin is starting to feel something for Baekhyun that makes his heart swell just a little bit.
It is just a spot in the park near Baekhyun's place, a clearing almost. The sun is kept out by the thick foliage and the only light that hits them is in little silvers between the leafy branches. Baekhyun tugs Jongin's hand so they are both lying on the grassy ground.
"No one really comes here," Baekhyun starts, stretching his hands above him, "I cleared it out myself, actually."
Jongin turns and props himself up on his elbow so he is lying on his side and staring down at Baekhyun. He gives him a clear look of confusion.
"There used to be a lot of dead roots and plants here. I wanted a place to just think and be around nature, and this place was perfect after I was done with it."
Jongin hums and rolls back to lie on his back. Baekhyun throws a leg across one of Jongin's own. Jongin tries hard not flinch, but the weight is comfortable and steady.
"So...," Baekhyun starts, voice trailing off into the distance. Jongin hums for him to go on but Baekhyun doesn't. All Jongin hears is Baekhyun swallowing, the weight on his leg disappearing and then Baekhyun's nervous laughter. "Nothing. Just - nothing at all."
Jongin has an urge to pry, to try to get the words out of Baekhyun. But out of the corner of his eye, he sees Baekhyun's lips pressed into a thin line and decides to just close his eyes and allow the warmness to surround him instead.
Baekhyun is a little distant when they get dinner that night, limbs close to himself and not touching Jongin casually like he usually does. Jongin feels the gap intensely for some reason. It scares him to death.
◆
The next time they meet however, it is as if the awkwardness from before never happened. In fact, Baekhyun seems happier and more cheerful than before, even if Jongin feels as if not all of it was genuine. Baekhyun throws an arm around his shoulders, laughs at their height differences, before retracting his arm. Jongin just laughs back with him.
The next time they meet is also the first time that things goes beyond kissing, the first time Jongin feels the shock of another's skin against parts of him that are usually kept under clothes and fabric. It is the first time Jongin runs fingers down another boy's chest, feels the body tremble under his touch and the sighs sink deep into the cracks of his bones.
He has no idea what to do, no idea what is good and what is bad and his hands are shaking so badly as he grips Baekhyun's hips and pulls him closer. Baekhyun on the other hand, seems to know what to do, or at least knows what he wants. He guides Jongin with soft words and quiet nudges, hands steering Jongin's hands to where they want them placed.
Jongin doesn't know why but when Baekhyun is grinding lightly against him, the front of his jeans grounding against Jongin's, he blurts out:
"I'm just passing by."
Baekhyun stills for a moment, a short moment, before he continues his movement, picking up even more speed. Jongin doesn't understand it, couldn't understand it, but Baekhyun is looking straight down him, something unreadable in his eyes.
"I'm not looking for anything," Baekhyun assures him, steel in his voice. Jongin thinks he hears the tail end of a quiver, but he ignores it and just tries to believe what Baekhyun is telling him instead.
◆
When he goes back to the hostel that night, Baekhyun still lingering on his skin and taste still in his mouth, Joonmyun is sitting on the couch at the lobby, sipping on a cup of tea. He looks up when he hears the bells jingle, and he gives Jongin a one over before placing the cup back on the table and smiling at him with his usual motherly smile.
"Had a good time?" he asks cheekily as he crosses his legs and leans forward to look at Jongin. Jongin feels a flush tinge his cheeks and he wants more than nothing to reach up and hide the huge hickey that Baekhyun had left right next to his adam's apple. Jongin shrugs in response and Joonmyun pats the empty space next to him.
Reluctantly, Jongin sits next to Joonmyun, shifting uncomfortably before opting to just sit up straight, back rigid. Joonmyun doesn't comment but Jongin definitely sees his lips twitch in amusement.
"Was it number-on-your-hand boy?" Joonmyun asks, eyes bright with question and mirth. Jongin nods. Joonmyun pats him on the back.
"So this is like a universe fling huh? Get it, like a summer fling but a uni... never mind," Joonmyun's voice trails off with his obviously failed joke. Jongin doesn't say anything, just bites his lips nervously.
Joonmyun assesses him quietly then, face now serious and lips pursued. "You know you have to go back eventually right? You know the consequences of staying past the allocated days."
"I do," Jongin replies softly. He hears Joonmyun sigh.
"You teens and your emotions," he jokes lightly, but the grip he has on Jongin's hand is reassuring and comforting, "Wait here, I'll get you some tea."
Joonmyun stands up and heads to the kitchen behind the counter. Jongin leans back into the couch and exhales loudly into the quiet room.
◆
It is on the ninetieth day of his arrival that Jongin thinks about home, about Sehun. He is getting used to life here, getting used to hanging out with Baekhyun and sometimes Baekhyun's friends, getting used to the taste of cotton candy coffee and the way the doors here swing outwards. He even likes it here, the lack of restrictions and responsibilities.
But he doesn't want to stay here, because staying would mean a shift away from that, it would mean a need to build something permanent and long-term. It would mean he had to find a job and integrate into society, and he would be stuck here with no way out. And as much as he was starting to develop feelings for Baekhyun, starting to maybe not mind staying here, he still values his freedom and adventures more, values the experiences the world can bring rather than the ones that a mere person could bring.
And it is a mean thing to do, an asshole action of the highest caliber, but Jongin leaves in the middle of the night. He knocks on Joonmyun's door and hugs the sleepy man farewell. Joonmyun pats him on the back and wishes him all the best. He considers sending Baekhyun a text, or to call him up, but he doesn't. Instead, he leaves the cellphone behind with a draft of a message that only says: "I was just passing by."
part two