(no subject)
Well...it hasnt even been a full day...and already i feel like i messed up.
Its like i want to be with her...but..at the same time theres too much in the way...she cant put her life on hold like i did for her...and i certainly cant expect her to give up her freinds...and i dont want to make her do stuff she dont wanna do...like moving to Seattle...
She said she was happy in New York...perhaps that is what had bothered me most...when she was with me...i remember a while back when she said something along the lines of she faked every smile just for everone else to be happy..."Jessie...i havent been happy in a long time." was her words if i remember right...and that cleary states that she wasnt happy with me...or at least while she was with me..or something...
She was closer to her friends than she was to me...and i feel thats just kinda wrong...putting family first i could understand...but on one hand...if you TRUELY loved someone, wouldnt they be like family?...specially if you got married...your husband/wife...thats family...guess she just ether didnt look that far ahead...or didnt want me as a husband.
She always sent mixed signals...and on top of that was a convincing actor...she could make you think she was crying when she was in the best mood of her life. I know because she demonstrated once....i thought something was wrong...and it wasnt. after that, how could i ever be sure if what she was doing was real, or an act?
Never could she visit....but she visited her ex not once, but twice...always making some excuse for me...which doesnt make since...as it would be less expensive here and stuff..
Its like my heart is torn...part of me feels relief...but another feels nothing but sadness and regret...
...maybe some people were never ment to be loved...ill get used to it someday....
Its like i want to be with her...but..at the same time theres too much in the way...she cant put her life on hold like i did for her...and i certainly cant expect her to give up her freinds...and i dont want to make her do stuff she dont wanna do...like moving to Seattle...
She said she was happy in New York...perhaps that is what had bothered me most...when she was with me...i remember a while back when she said something along the lines of she faked every smile just for everone else to be happy..."Jessie...i havent been happy in a long time." was her words if i remember right...and that cleary states that she wasnt happy with me...or at least while she was with me..or something...
She was closer to her friends than she was to me...and i feel thats just kinda wrong...putting family first i could understand...but on one hand...if you TRUELY loved someone, wouldnt they be like family?...specially if you got married...your husband/wife...thats family...guess she just ether didnt look that far ahead...or didnt want me as a husband.
She always sent mixed signals...and on top of that was a convincing actor...she could make you think she was crying when she was in the best mood of her life. I know because she demonstrated once....i thought something was wrong...and it wasnt. after that, how could i ever be sure if what she was doing was real, or an act?
Never could she visit....but she visited her ex not once, but twice...always making some excuse for me...which doesnt make since...as it would be less expensive here and stuff..
Its like my heart is torn...part of me feels relief...but another feels nothing but sadness and regret...
...maybe some people were never ment to be loved...ill get used to it someday....