crying over you
Am feeling a bit cantankerous today. I just went on Facebook, which just seems to bring me down these days - a bunch of stuff and photos of people who are supposedly my friends, but I haven't seen most of them for over a year and seeing them be all happy and prosperous makes me cranky because I am not. (That was a Victorian sentence.) I probably wouldn't have a lot to say to those people anyway if we were to meet. That's why I'm definately not going to my 10 year St Mary's Reunion. Seeing as I still have weekly bad dreams about high school.... and my boyfriend's going to prison and I don't have a job and am on disability pension. What a cracking time I would have.
The friends thing is partly my fault because I don't make a great deal of effort to see the friends I do hold dear. I get afraid to leave the house. In the Perth-al area they seem to be dwindling. Suze, Elliot and Fiona decided that Paul is a dangerous evil paedophile man whom they want nothing to do with. So I want nothing to do with them - as if they're going to change their minds after he's done time. They don't know him at all, let alone to know as I do that there is a big difference between someone who looked at pictures of young teenagers --- and predatorial paedophiles. He never even talked to kids on the internet, as someone with predatorial tendencies would do. He's not even charged AS a paedophile - he's charged with being in posession of child pornography. I just want to scream at them. I haven't even told Laura and Dean because Dean would explode with disgust and I don't know how Laura would react. In Paul's defence again, the COURT APPOINTED psychologist (that's right, not his own psychologist that he went to off his own bat) thinks that he should be rehabilitated outside of prison. Sindy told me that she hardly EVER gets to write positive reports.
The selfish thing that stings me about the rejection (or rejection that I perceive will take place) of Paul is that I can't help thinking that they think I'm stupid for "putting up with" him, or being with him in the first place. I am not stupid. I love him, and he is a brilliant, kind man who made awful mistakes and decisions out of psychological problems and a history of being completely isolated and mostly unloved.
Yes, my world is getting smaller again. The people I feel I can trust and talk to in Perth are: Mum, Stak, Dad (to some extent), Bea, Kchan, Michi and Katie. I suppose in May when he is sentenced the media will get involved and I'll find out from everyone else who my friends are. I've decided to leave this post public because I can't be bothered keeping the secret anymore, if anyone non-lj is reading this. I don't really care who knows, because it's going to happen anyway eventually. Great grist for the 10 year reunion gossip mill!
On the upside. Paul's friend Marcus is probably going to move in here. This means that I won't have to move, we won't have to give away Paul's cats to the RSPCA, we don't have to patch up the house to find potential renters. This is a big deal. He's making his mind up in a few days, but sounds very enthusiastic. He's a very, very nerdy, funny and interesting guy. I am practically praying that he'll move in here, and I don't believe in God.
The friends thing is partly my fault because I don't make a great deal of effort to see the friends I do hold dear. I get afraid to leave the house. In the Perth-al area they seem to be dwindling. Suze, Elliot and Fiona decided that Paul is a dangerous evil paedophile man whom they want nothing to do with. So I want nothing to do with them - as if they're going to change their minds after he's done time. They don't know him at all, let alone to know as I do that there is a big difference between someone who looked at pictures of young teenagers --- and predatorial paedophiles. He never even talked to kids on the internet, as someone with predatorial tendencies would do. He's not even charged AS a paedophile - he's charged with being in posession of child pornography. I just want to scream at them. I haven't even told Laura and Dean because Dean would explode with disgust and I don't know how Laura would react. In Paul's defence again, the COURT APPOINTED psychologist (that's right, not his own psychologist that he went to off his own bat) thinks that he should be rehabilitated outside of prison. Sindy told me that she hardly EVER gets to write positive reports.
The selfish thing that stings me about the rejection (or rejection that I perceive will take place) of Paul is that I can't help thinking that they think I'm stupid for "putting up with" him, or being with him in the first place. I am not stupid. I love him, and he is a brilliant, kind man who made awful mistakes and decisions out of psychological problems and a history of being completely isolated and mostly unloved.
Yes, my world is getting smaller again. The people I feel I can trust and talk to in Perth are: Mum, Stak, Dad (to some extent), Bea, Kchan, Michi and Katie. I suppose in May when he is sentenced the media will get involved and I'll find out from everyone else who my friends are. I've decided to leave this post public because I can't be bothered keeping the secret anymore, if anyone non-lj is reading this. I don't really care who knows, because it's going to happen anyway eventually. Great grist for the 10 year reunion gossip mill!
On the upside. Paul's friend Marcus is probably going to move in here. This means that I won't have to move, we won't have to give away Paul's cats to the RSPCA, we don't have to patch up the house to find potential renters. This is a big deal. He's making his mind up in a few days, but sounds very enthusiastic. He's a very, very nerdy, funny and interesting guy. I am practically praying that he'll move in here, and I don't believe in God.