(Untitled)
Who: Roronoa Zoro (threesword), Sanji (baratiesbest), Umi Ryuuzaki (embracethewaves)
Where: Outside the Northern Lights
When: August 11th, During the party at the lights
Rating: PG-13 at least :|
Summary: Things finally reach their breaking point between the two Straw Hats.
the log: ( We can only go on like this for so long )
Where: Outside the Northern Lights
When: August 11th, During the party at the lights
Rating: PG-13 at least :|
Summary: Things finally reach their breaking point between the two Straw Hats.
the log: ( We can only go on like this for so long )
But... someone had to say something. The tone of Umi's voice and the tears in her eyes were more than enough to completely shatter the cooks heart. It hurt, not only to see her like this but also the reason behind it. They had come so far, moved on from silly bickering to something deeper. Zoro wasn't just a crew mate, he was a friend. A confidante. Or rather... he had been. What happened after this was anyones guess.
Someone had to say something. She deserved that much, a little slice of truth even though it would probably do even more damage. Not that it could get much worse.
"There is."
His voice was surprisingly steady even though his hands wouldn't stop shaking. Sanji paused, took another deep drag on that cigarette before he exhaled, followed that plume of smoke until it vanished. Here goes nothing.
"You."
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Zoro quietly sputtered. His back was still to them, which made it a bit easier to hide the terrified expression that had taken over his face. He couldn't believe any of this was happening.
Eventually, he found himself able to turn around, though he still couldn't bring his eyes to meet with either of the people there. It was hard enough to hear the quiver in Umi's voice - he knew that seeing her cry would be one of the most painful things right now - more so than any physical injury he had. He knew he had to say something, but nothing came out at first. This really was unlike anything else he'd ever experienced in his 20 years.
"Yeah..." He finally managed to spew out, speaking quietly. What else could he say... really?
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You. That one little word was enough to render her speechless, to twist her stomach into knots. The static and animosity between them had been there -- that much she knew. But...because of her? She had never noticed. Or maybe she had never looked, never wanted to think about the possibility of something like this happening... It made her feel sick.
She really...did have a lot of growing up to do. That was what it was starting to look like.
Still -- was it really a good reason? If, heaven forbid, the same thing happened between her and Hikaru or Fuu...or even someone from school -- someone from the fencing team, or anyone like that... Would she have been able to do the same? The heart...was really important. She knew that. Emeraude and Zagato had died for the love they shared. But friendship was part of it, too, and it was just as important. Was love supposed to be this difficult and painful -- this complicated? Did people really have to sacrifice friendship for something like that?
It was a terrible idea, and something she would fight to the very end. To sacrifice anything for a reason like that...couldn't be the only road a person could take. She cared about Zoro and Sanji, both, deeply -- she knew that much. They were two of her closest friends there. And...she had thought they were just as close. They seemed that way at first, for a long time. 'Things changed,' but it was also their feelings, their minds, their own choices and maybe stubbornness, that had changed things into something like this.
"A reason like that--" She felt herself tense up a little. She wouldn't cry -- she refused to. This wasn't some moment where a damsel needs comfort from a dashing prince, it wasn't like a fairy tale or anything like that. It was real, painfully so, and messy as anything could be. This was two of her best friends breaking apart due to the choice they had made...to fight over her? It seemed ridiculous, and even so, they had nearly killed each other over something like that...! It took only a few paces for her to reach them and when she did, she delivered a quick, hard slap across the cheek -- first to one, then to the other. "Idiots...both of you--!"
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They were idiots. Stubborn fucking morons. Cowards. And she got hurt by it.
Unforgivable.
The problem wasn't new, it had started the very day he arrived in Discedo and reached the first climax not even two months after that. The first day of the year, it had been cold just like today with the streets covered in snow. The damn marimo had almost killed him that day but they had worked through it somehow. Settled their differences. So much had happened since then, they were supposed to be different.
Yet here they were. Snow on the street and blood on his shirt and it was all so fucking familiar. Had they really gotten nowhere..? Or were they just too stupid to even attempt to really fix the problem? Quick solutions, temporary truces that only lasted as long as both of them were occupied with something else. Zoro had at least been honest with her, while he... the timing had never been right. For once he had listened to the shitty marimo and played it safe - she didn't need this kind of stress and honestly, Zoro could use a head start. There were other girls, though they never measured up to her.
So many excuses and so little words that actually meant something. Sanji remained silent, unconsciously holding his breath as he waited for something to break the silence.
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Silence had become apart of his vocabulary - or rather - the only thing in it within a matter of minutes. There was absolutely nothing the swordsman could say that would right this situation. He was poor enough with words often enough as it was. Of course, there were his rare moments where his thoughts would pour out into a cohesive monologue - but now really didn't appear to be one of those times.
This had gone on for too long. Too many fight with Sanji, too many things held back... he wished for it to be simple again.
Maybe that entailed walking away from the situation.
Zoro wasn't sure. He could only assume that doing so would only hurt Umi more... but he could see how angry she was about it. And it was rightfully so. But he and Sanji, the swordsman wasn't so sure that time could repair the damage that had been done this time. He'd been out of line - both of them had.
As he thought about it in silence, he pulled the bandanna off his head and tied it to his forearm - just where they'd placed bandages over the "X" back on the Grand Line. It was only the tiniest of efforts - and one that probably flew right over Umi's head. But Zoro didn't know what else he could do at this point.
This had been why he never wanted anyone to know about what he felt for Umi. In the long run, it had only made things worse. But he couldn't sit in complete silence. He didn't make eye contact with the girl or the cook, but eventually, the words came out of his mouth.
"...
.....You're right. We are."
Apologies wouldn't be enough... not for any of them right at the moment.
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She was still a little angry. Angry at them for never saying anything, and at herself for casting a blind eye over the whole thing. For never noticing, for never changing... She hadn't forgotten what Zoro said, like he told her to. But she had let herself become preoccupied, and maybe now it was too late.
...She still didn't even know how to respond, though. Not really.
They were idiots, that was for sure -- but how much better was she, in that case? Not knowing her own feelings. Maybe not wanting to know. It was always something that had seemed so...foreign, and something she hadn't worried about. She hated that...they had determined in Cephiro to live without regrets, and now people she cared about were hurting over something that she might have been able to do something about. If she had only thought about it a bit.
"...I'm sorry." Even if it wasn't enough, it was something -- enough to break the silence that kept stretching on between the three of them. "I'm not much better...for letting it get to this point. I let myself ignore things I shouldn't have."
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He seemed to say that a lot lately. Sanji took one last shaky inhale on that burnt down cigarette before letting it fall in an attempt to seek some courage. Guidance. The silence was just as bad as it had been the past couple of months - always silent about what was important, bottling it up until they ended up where they were now.
Enough. They couldn't hide behind the bond of nakama or male pride or honor anymore. Umi had been hurt by it all and that was more than enough to call for retreat. He didn't deserve her after all, not after tonight. As much as it pained him to think it Zoro was by far the better choice - if she still wanted to be near either of them.
How difficult can it be to throw away your pride?!
Not difficult at all when you've been doing it for all your life. Sanji swallowed, took a deep breath. Prepared. And when he finally spoke again his voice came out restrained, polite, almost cold.
"It's true that we've been acting like idiots, but when it comes down to it... it's my fault. I haven't been honest with you and that in itself is unforgivable. I can only hope that-"
He was running out of words. Admitting defeat wasn't easy and it left him feeling sick to his stomach - but someone had to. Better him than Zoro right now. They had fought over her like kids, so wrapped up in their shitty pride and constant rivalry to stop and think about what they were actually doing. And now they had both lost.
"I'm sorry. It was never my intention to complicate things like this... you deserve better."
And with that he fell silent again, shoulders slumped and eyes closed like a condemned man waiting for the noose to tighten.
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When push came to shove, he'd had no reason to fight the cook. Sanji had done nothing wrong. He flirted with all the girls - and he'd fallen for this one. It wasn't his fault that it happened to be the very same one Zoro had crashed for. As much as he wanted to fault his crewmate for that, he couldn't.
But they were both at fault for how they'd handled it. Zoro for telling her to forget it, for being so hard on Sanji, and for picking all the fights. Sanji for not saying anything. Both of them for their mutual silence, and just how things had been handled.
They'd both failed - as friends and as men. There was no denying it.
But as the cook spoke, Zoro raised his head slightly, examining Sanji's mannerisms. He looked like a child who'd just been scolded and shamed. Zoro could only imagine that he looked just the same. And maybe it was wrong to do so - but he wasn't going to let Sanji take that much of the blame for it.
There was a chance that his relationship with Umi wouldn't recover, based on her tone alone. There was an even greater chance that things between he and Sanji would be damaged forever as well. There was no saying. All he knew was he'd been hurting people he'd grown to care about more than he'd ever planned... and even if it took everything in him, he was going to try and mend it as best he could.
It was death before giving up, after all.
"Yeah," He spoke quietly. Thoughtful. More calculated than people usually gave him credit for. "I... we should have said something earlier. You shouldn't have been put through any of this."
There was another pause, and in a strange and swift motion, Sandai Kitetsu had been withdrawn, slamming the blade into the concrete. He was angry, but not with Sanji for the first time in months. It was at himself for all the trouble that had been caused.
"Guess this is what happens when you get involved with pirates."
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...It was selfish, in a sense, and maybe that was another reason to apologize. Discedo wasn't a place she ever wanted to wish upon anyone...but it was the only place she had a connection to the friends she had made here.
"Deserving more...and being put through anything..." she began. The words caused the knot in Umi's stomach to tighten again. Anger, impatience -- that was the feeling. She hated those words. Hated that these guys thought they were necessary. Hated that they were trying to decide that for her.
"Who do you think," she added, "has the right to decide those things?"
That was what friendship was, after all...being yourself. Trusting people to see who you really were, what you thought, how you felt. Trusting that friends would be honest, no matter what.
Zoro's comment made a small smile flicker across her face. Nothing but trouble...really was something typical with these guys. "Hey...I knew what I was in for when I first met you troublemakers, you know."
Still able to tease a bit...but she was still worried -- and maybe confused. She didn't want things to just stay the way they were, but otherwise she wasn't sure what she wanted. What she could ask of them. What she knew was, her life wouldn't have been the same without either of those two idiots...and no matter what, she would fight for their friendship in any way, if she had to.
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How the hell had they expected her to make a choice without even once raising the question..? Idiots, both of them.
Relaxing slightly Sanji went for the pack of cigarettes again. The intentions of cutting back were as good as gone by now and it would take a goddamn miracle to break his chain smoking if this kept up. Stress always had that effect on him.
Stress. It was more than that, felt more like some strange sense of self-destructiveness. The first hand had been dealt but there were still cards to play - he knew he had a scandalous ace or two up his sleeve that might as well come out on the table. Anemone. Nami back home, even if it was one-sided. If Umi found out about that this wouldn't even be a question anymore and to his great surprise Sanji realized that he didn't care either way. Might as well go all the way now that they finally started.
"True. It should have been you all along."
Pause. Inhale. Exhale.
"I guess the only question left is just that then - what is your decision? What is it that you want, Miss Umi?"
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They were pirates. Of course they did things selfishly - but this was the one time that they shouldn't have and Zoro knew that. And he knew that Sanji, better than anyone, did too. That's why it didn't really surprise him very much when the blonde was the first to ask the question.
Anxious. That was what Zoro felt right then. The dull throb in his shoulder and the sharp one in his ribs went completely numb. All the sounds around him sounded far away. His heart was pounding in his chest hard enough that he thought it could burst. And his stomach felt as if it was either going to be caught in his throat or sink to his feet - it could go either way at that point.
For the first time since her arrival, Zoro looked at Umi. His eyebrow quirked slightly, awaiting a response. If she had one, this would be the moment of truth, after all.
There was nothing he could say... and he probably wouldn't have been able to even if he had something to say. So he waited.
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She could say over and over that she wanted to be able to make her own decision. Coming down to that final question, though, the all important one...it was honestly something she didn't know how to answer. What did she want? Of all the things in the world they could have asked...it was the one thing she couldn't answer. Now it was Umi who didn't meet their eyes, looking down at the snow.
No matter what she said, would one of them end up hurt because of it? That, she knew she didn't want. She knew she didn't want them to fight like this anymore, but also that she didn't want either of them to disappear from her life. She knew that, ideally, someday she would like to fall in love...but that always seemed like a distant dream. Something for the future. Even if it was something to think about now, was it worth this much conflict?
"I want," she began, slow at first -- now she raised her eyes to look at them. "...for you two to stop fighting like this. Like you're both out for blood. This place...it's bad enough, without friends turning on each other. And-- you're both important friends to me. I don't want that to change."
It wasn't an answer. And she was starting to get nervous. How did other people do this...? It wasn't like a movie or a book, where a sudden revelation dawned on her, where suddenly music began playing as the right choice became clear. All she could hear was the sound of her heart, pounding harder and harder in her chest.
"But-- my decision..." She drew in a deep breath; her voice was shaking a bit again. There really was nothing good about this situation, but her only option left was to blurt out the one thing she knew was true, as weak and silly and stupid as it might have been. "I can't-- I like you both...and care about you both, a lot. But-- ...I don't know...how to choose between two of the most important people in my life," she admitted at last. "I'm sorry. It's not fair to say that at all, to either of you, but..." She couldn't finish. She had lost the words.
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Sanji had to admit that he wanted the exact same thing - to go back to how it was back home or even just on the good days here. The spar outside of the hospital that second time... that had been good. Fun. The way things should be and he desperately wanted to return to that.
But could they? Was it even possible for things to return to normal anymore? It couldn't continue like this, that much was clear but perhaps they needed to look forward instead of to the past. Figure out something else. If Umi wanted them both in her life (and he thanked his lucky star that she hadn't just downright dismissed them) then that was what she was going to get. Somehow.
And then it hit him, a stupid idea, something he'd never think of let alone say out loud. But... it seemed to be the only solution. If she couldn't make a choice then maybe there wasn't one. The thought was absurd but somehow it fit. They'd all get what they wanted, with a little (or a lot) of work.
"If that's your decision then that's what you'll get. At least as far as I'm concerned."
Quick glance in Zoro's direction - would he pick up on it?
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But hell, he would try if he was given the chance. If they were on the Going Merry, things wouldn't have been like this. Nobody would have let it get that fair - chances are, Nami would have concussed them both already by this point. Even with the Straw Hats being in the city, it wasn't the same. Everyone was doing something different - it was unlikely Luffy, Chopper, or Robin had even the slightest idea what was happening. Even Usopp didn't have a full grasp on it, but he probably was a bit more well informed than the others.
He listened to what Umi said, watching with careful eyes. She.. couldn't choose? It wasn't something he'd expected. But he did understand it. She always showed them an equal amount of concern. And he couldn't really blame her. He'd known her a bit longer, but Sanji was definitely endearing in his own right - as much as Zoro generally disliked admitting that, it was completely true. They'd both grown close to her for different reasons. Where they really expecting that she'd be able to choose? Especially after everything that'd happened over the course of time they'd known each other?
He eyes shifted, looking towards Sanji as he spoke. It took him a moment to process what he said, but he understood. Somehow... it made sense. Despite the fact that they were always at one another's throats, there was something else. Maybe it was that their feelings for her overpowered everything else.
It wouldn't be easy. There would probably be plenty more arguments.. times that they didn't see eye to eye. But if this is what it was going to take to make Umi happy... then he was willing to give it a try.
Zoro nodded his head in agreement, quirking an eyebrow at Sanji for a brief moment before looking back to Umi.
"Yeah. If that's what you want."
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Though, even if she had acknowledged that, it wouldn't have made her less nervous as she waited for their response.
It was a weight lifted. Maybe things would never go back to the way they were. Maybe they couldn't...and maybe that was a good thing, if that had turned out this way. She expected them to still bicker, and she expected to be right there bickering along with them. But the sort of fighting she had seen between the two pirates tonight...was something that couldn't continue, no matter what happened. It was something she would do anything she could in order to put a stop to -- that much she could resolve without question.
She still felt a pang of guilt for her answer. It seemed selfish and unsatisfying. Still -- no matter how things ended up from here on, whatever choices ended up being made, whatever ended up changing, she wouldn't lose them...either one of them.
And, honestly, she hadn't realized until then how afraid of that she had been.
"...Thank you," she said, and really, truly meant it. This was a start, at the very least, and an attempt. Even if it was small, and even if they were doing it only because she asked, she was grateful. She took another deep breath and released it, and then the reality of the world that had come apart when she first saw them fighting came back together. Not just the street or the snow -- the chill in the air and the blood on the snow...all of it.
"So," when she began speaking, she found the energy to muster a little, bemused smile. "Can I help you guys get patched up, or do you wanna hang around here all night and get sick?"
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He let out a sigh of relief, followed by a suppressed wince as he realized just how badly those wounds hurt. Getting somewhere relatively warm and dry seemed like a great idea, he definitely didn't want to catch something by standing out in the cold.
"That sounds like an excellent idea."
Flicking away the burnt down cigarette (third tonight, damn) he smiled, a little weak and hesitant but still a smile.
"And thank you."
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