its gonna be all right, baby.
so i DID sum it all up on here. i wasnt sure. i dont remember things so well these days. i think it was all the pills. i think maybe i fucked myself up in ways i havent even discovered yet.
god, i hope so.
so the last post was, what, april something? well, its now late august. the air here is thick and murky and breathing is like bench-pressing. particularly for a girl whos up to three packs a day.
at the very great risk of sounding like a rockstar, i would like to thank the people who took the time to write a comment to that last rant. i was going through too much at the time and i really needed to get it all out of me somehow. particular thanks go out to calavarita, my lady love, my lizzybean, my beautiful stranger... and nichole, always in my corner. always there even if i dont see her.
and the blindliquid. fancy this. i would sincerely like to contact him again, but alas he is being sneaky and sly. how typical.
i feel a little better these days. yeah. im taking the risk of writing that down. i say risk because the moment you hesitantly look around and say Hey, things arent so bad after all... well, thats usually the moment that god decides to take a piss on your head or you get creamed by a truck.
but im going to school, and im proud of myself for that. and i have a new job, which ties in beautifully with my future career path, and im proud of myself for that, too. i have made two new friends and a handful of new acquaintances whom i like very much, and im proud of myself for that. its been a very long time since ive been able to say im proud of myself. maybe i never have. i dont remember.
i fell down hard, but im getting back up.
i dug my own grave, but im climbing out.
im not a loser, im just lost.
im clean and sober, and thats something. i made $22 in tips. i have a new friend named linsey and we actually socialize and bond and interact. < i dont think she can conceive of how monumental a thing that is for me. ive literally and figuratively locked myself up for years. i never went out with anyone. so even just going to the mall or getting coffee is a really big deal.
im going to be ok. i think im surprising everyone.
im stronger than i realized. ive got moxie. i will be damned before i let this shit destroy me. i will be damned.
blindliquid, on the off chance that you check on this once in a while, please let me know how i can write you. you inspire me. and thats no bullshit.
god, i hope so.
so the last post was, what, april something? well, its now late august. the air here is thick and murky and breathing is like bench-pressing. particularly for a girl whos up to three packs a day.
at the very great risk of sounding like a rockstar, i would like to thank the people who took the time to write a comment to that last rant. i was going through too much at the time and i really needed to get it all out of me somehow. particular thanks go out to calavarita, my lady love, my lizzybean, my beautiful stranger... and nichole, always in my corner. always there even if i dont see her.
and the blindliquid. fancy this. i would sincerely like to contact him again, but alas he is being sneaky and sly. how typical.
i feel a little better these days. yeah. im taking the risk of writing that down. i say risk because the moment you hesitantly look around and say Hey, things arent so bad after all... well, thats usually the moment that god decides to take a piss on your head or you get creamed by a truck.
but im going to school, and im proud of myself for that. and i have a new job, which ties in beautifully with my future career path, and im proud of myself for that, too. i have made two new friends and a handful of new acquaintances whom i like very much, and im proud of myself for that. its been a very long time since ive been able to say im proud of myself. maybe i never have. i dont remember.
i fell down hard, but im getting back up.
i dug my own grave, but im climbing out.
im not a loser, im just lost.
im clean and sober, and thats something. i made $22 in tips. i have a new friend named linsey and we actually socialize and bond and interact. < i dont think she can conceive of how monumental a thing that is for me. ive literally and figuratively locked myself up for years. i never went out with anyone. so even just going to the mall or getting coffee is a really big deal.
im going to be ok. i think im surprising everyone.
im stronger than i realized. ive got moxie. i will be damned before i let this shit destroy me. i will be damned.
blindliquid, on the off chance that you check on this once in a while, please let me know how i can write you. you inspire me. and thats no bullshit.