Don't Sweat the Small Stuff | Spencer/Brendon | NC-17 | ~ 4800 words
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
by airgiodslv & disarm_d
Spencer/Brendon | NC-17 | ~4800 words
airgiodslv: *facepalm* Now I totally kind of want fic in which Brendon is insecure about taking his pants off and having sex with Spencer because he knows that Spencer used to mess around with Ryan when they were younger and Brendon just can't compete with that!
Hey, remember this thread? Jen and I ended up finishing it.
Spencer and Brendon have started fooling around, and Brendon maybe sucked off Spencer once, but he won't let Spencer return the favor. Spencer is so confused. But, Brendon's seen Ryan before, okay? So. He knows he doesn't even begin to compare.
At first Spencer is pleased; Brendon seems to be all about giving and satisfying his partner. Eventually he starts to get a bit irked, because Brendon won't even let Spencer jerk him off, and he always turns pink and looks a little shifty when Spencer offers. He doesn't know if it's some sort of weird 'I'm not gay' crisis or what, but he's fed up with it. Brendon is tiny and he squirms a lot, though, he's hard to pin down! And then he gets his mouth on Spencer's cock and Spencer is understandably distracted.
It's not that big a deal at first, but Brendon's started running off after sucking off Spencer, and maybe Spencer would like someone there while he's post coital, every once and a while, okay?
The next time that Brendon reaches for his cock, Spencer stops him and says, "You first."
Brendon makes up this totally lame excuse about having forgotten that he was meeting someone, and runs off.
Spencer doesn't know what the hell is going on, but he doesn't think this is heading towards a healthy relationship. And getting Brendon to actually talk to him about this is not only awkward and stupid, it's also impossible, because every time Spencer tries to bring it up, as casually as possible, Brendon either makes himself scarce or magically finds someone else to include in their conversation, so it's not like Spencer can just say "Why won't you let me suck your cock?"
Spencer honestly manages to convince himself that Brendon's having a heterosexual freak out, that he doesn't want Spencer any more, but he's just trying to make Spencer happy, which is why he keeps sucking him off, even though he's not interested in Spencer returning the favor.
Spencer doesn't know that Brendon runs off to the bathroom and jerks off. He comes in about forty-five seconds. He's scared to go back to Spencer afterwards, because he thinks that Spencer will be able to smell it on him.
So the next time Brendon tries to get him off, Spencer stops him and says he doesn't think they should do this anymore, and the look on Brendon's face, Jesus, he feels like he's just kicked a puppy, but after a second Brendon just says okay, all quiet and hunched in on himself, and disappears before Spencer can actually explain why he feels that way. And forget talking to him after that, because he finds some excuse to be anywhere but where Spencer is, and Spencer's grinding his teeth because he did this for Brendon, dammit, Brendon and his stupid gay freak-outs, so why the fuck does he feel like the asshole here?
Spencer walks onto the bus and finds the door to the lounge locked. They never lock that door, what the fuck? He's about to start pounding on the door, when Ryan comes up behind him and says, "Brendon says that he gets the lounge to himself tonight. You know, since you dumped him."
Spencer would bet thousands that Brendon didn't actually phrase it like that, but still he asks, "What the fuck?"
Ryan shrugs. "I dunno," he says. "He wants some time alone or something."
Spencer goes to the back lounge, and asks why Brendon's telling people that Spencer broke up with him, and they have some awkward semi-communication. Spencer says that Brendon wasn't into it anyway, so it's was just a matter of time, and Brendon says that he wasn't going to break up with Spencer. Neither of them actually admit to liking each other, but maybe by the end of it, they're un-broken up again. But still with all of the same issues, because Brendon can't exactly just come out and say "I have a tiny cock." Spencer has no idea what the issue is, it's still a gay freak-out to him.
Brendon still isn't having sex with him. Well, Spencer gets off, but Brendon won't even get naked.
Spencer tries to test the waters a little, figure out what Brendon's boundaries are.
One hotel night, he grabs the little bottle of cream from the bathroom and brushes his fingers just under the hem of Brendon's shirt. Says, "Let me rub your back." And Brendon takes off his shirt for Spencer (which, YAY! step one is a success, Spencer's happy!) and Spencer straddles his thighs and uses up the entire bottle.
Brendon's skin gets flushed and warm and he's tingling all over and by the end of it, he's rubbing his hips, which pushes his cock into the mattress and his ass back against Spencer. But, when Spencer rubs low on his back and moves his hand around Brendon's side, around to his stomach, trying to slip his fingers under waistband, Brendon rolls away and says, "We've got an early morning tomorrow."
So Spencer says, "Okay," but catches Brendon's wrist before he can run off and pulls the comforter over both of them and actually falls asleep pretty quickly.
Meanwhile, Brendon's so hard it aches, and Spencer's arm is around him; he can't slip away to jerk off.
--
Sometimes, when they're both in soft pajama pants and shirtless, they just make out on top of their hotel bed for over an hour. Brendon doesn't want to let it go too far, but Spencer starts grinding and god that feels amazing, so they rub together and touch and kiss and end up both coming in their pants, which frankly is gross but also pretty hot. Spencer definitely counts it as a victory, but then Brendon won't take a shower with him, he wants to take turns so they don't get "distracted", which, what the fuck? He really wouldn't mind getting distracted with naked wet Brendon. But instead they shower separately, and when he comes out Brendon is fully armored in clean pajamas and in snuggle mode, not sex mode.
Spencer is starting to think this is some sort of Mormon virginity thing that Brendon just refuses to tell him about, because he really doesn't talk about religion much. Like, a no-sex-before-marriage pact or something. Brendon's religious upbringing was pretty strict, so Spencer thinks it might be that. But he's sure Brendon has scored before, because he bragged for like, a week. Unless he made that up, which is possible.
Finally, he asks, "Brendon, are you a virgin?"
Brendon actually drops his jaw open for a long moment before, "What?"
"Dude, seriously. I promise I won't tell anyone."
Brendon finally says, "Fuck my mouth then ask again if I'm a virgin."
So Spencer does, and Brendon looks up at him the whole time, cupping Spencer's hips with his open palms.
Spencer thanks god they have a day off tomorrow, because Brendon is seriously letting him push all the way into the back of his throat, and if Spencer did this before a show Ryan would kill him. With his fingernails.
Afterwards, Spencer's can't feel his toes, and he rasps out, "Seriously, Brendon. Let me." But Brendon can't stop thinking, 'he could probably take me all the way down without even having to deepthroat', so he just shakes his head.
Spencer's tired, so he says, "Fine," like he's kind of mad, but, again, he won't let Brendon leave.
Once again, Brendon's trapped under Spencer's arm and leaking through his pajama bottoms.
Brendon thinks he might die of sexual frustration if he keeps sharing hotel rooms with Spencer.
--
At first, Spencer just thinks, okay, if Brendon doesn't want to come, he doesn't have to. But, Spencer watches, and he figures out pretty quickly that Brendon's hard, that at least his body wants it.
So Spencer comes up with a Plan, he starts pushing because this one-way thing has to stop.
Every time Brendon thinks he's gotten away, he turns around and Spencer is there, banging on the bathroom door saying, "We have to go, come on!" or asking Brendon to sleep in his bunk because he likes holding him, or sending Jon or Ryan after him.
The next time they're doing the kissing and grinding thing, when Spencer's so close he can feel it in his teeth, he rolls away and says, "I want to come in your mouth," and he makes sure that he knows where both Brendon's hands are the whole time.
Spencer's getting off, and he knows Brendon is getting turned on and frustrated pretty much every night, but he can't do anything about it. Spencer's got this little edge of anger because he still doesn't know what's going on. So, he doesn't even feel guilty about cornering Brendon backstage and pushing Brendon onto his knees.
--
He pushes Brendon up against a wall after an interview and rubs up against Brendon's ass. Brendon's face is pushed into the wall and he's panting hard and Spencer holds his hips tight tight tight, and Brendon says, "Please," without meaning to, but when Spencer flips him again and rubs his thumb over the top button on Brendon's jeans, Brendon wraps his fingers against Spencer's wrist and pulls his hand away.
Spencer looks at him until he starts to squirm, and then shrugs, "Fine," and flips Brendon back around, pushing his upper body into the wall with an arm between his shoulders, but holding his hips away with another hand on his hips, then rubs off against Brendon's ass.
--
They spend a few days on the bus, and neither of them get off, but Spencer insists they sleep in the back lounge together.
When they're finally in a hotel together again, Spencer pushes Brendon down on the bed and crawls up his chest, pushes his cock past Brendon's lips without even kissing him first.
Spencer leaves Brendon's head on the pillow, so the wall stops Spencer from being able to crouch over Brendon enough that Brendon can straighten out his throat and take Spencer down very far.
Spencer says, "Use your hands," partly because he wants to know what Brendon's hands are doing, and partly because he just wants Brendon's hands on his cock.
Brendon's hips keep coming off the bed in little helpless thrusts, but there's nothing to rub against and Spencer is making sure he doesn't get enough friction to come, while keeping his mouth too busy for complaint.
Spencer touches Brendon's cheek, the corner of his lips, and doesn't push Brendon to a faster pace than the one Brendon sets. Brendon wraps both hands around the base of Spencer's cock and twists in alternate directions and makes up for the fact that he can't take Spencer in very deep like this. Mostly just uses his mouth to keep everything really wet and to suck lightly on the head of Spencer's dick.
Spencer says, "Yeah," and it's hard to keep quiet after that, but Brendon makes little noises back around Spencer's cock, so Spencer stops trying. Brendon is totally making noises, little desperate whimpers and gasps, because he's so unbelievably turned on and thinks he might be able to come from this, just this, after so long of not being able to, all he needs is for Spencer to touch him and he's done. Brendon takes Spencer as deep as he can and sucks as hard as he can and Spencer comes before Brendon needs to take another breath. He swallows and then gasps, and Spencer lets his dick slide out of Brendon's mouth.
Brendon gasps and he's still panting and Spencer slides down rubbing over Brendon's cock just for a fraction of a moment before settling on his thighs. He touches his fingers to Brendon's zipper, then looks up at Brendon. Brendon's eyes roll back in his head and he wants it so bad that he thinks he's going to fly apart from trying to keep in inside, but he still just can't. He grits his teeth together until his head starts to ache and shakes his head quickly.
Spencer rubs his thumb over the metal, just to see him squirm, then flops down on the bed. He's warm and sleepy and sated and the pillows are really soft. He presses along Brendon's side and presses his head against Brendon's shoulder. Brendon's shaking, actually shaking and Spencer can feel it. He rests his hand low on Brendon's lower belly, his baby finger just brushing the waistband. Brendon's hand comes down on top of his, and for a second, Spencer thinks that Brendon's going to push his hand down lower, but he doesn't.
Brendon shakes and Spencer holds him tight, pushes his hair away from his forehead, and breathes against his neck until they both end up falling asleep.
--
Brendon ends up having a wet dream that night, for the first time in years and years. Spencer notices, because Brendon's rutting up against his thigh when he comes, but he doesn't say anything. Brendon doesn't know if Spencer knows, but when he finally wakes up, Spencer lets him flee to the bathroom to clean up without asking any questions. It's still too early for him to shower, so Brendon just cleans himself off as best he can at the sink, and crawls back to bed.
Spencer holds up the edge of the comforter and makes sleepy noises against Brendon's neck when Brendon settles in. Spencer's hard; more than just morning wood after Brendon came, rubbing against his thigh. Brendon can feel that he's hard, which starts the low boil in Brendon's belly again.
Spencer manages to fall back asleep, but Brendon doesn't.
--
Spencer's erection has mostly gone away by the time they get out of bed, proper, but Brendon's hasn't. Spencer follows Brendon into the bathroom and brushes his teeth while Brendon showers (Brendon leaves his boxers on until he's behind the shower curtain, then throws them over the rail). Brendon's still hard after he showers, still hard when they walk down for breakfast.
Spencer knows, from the way he's acting, so he stays close and keeps casually in contact, touching Brendon and putting a hand in the small of his back to guide him. Brendon starts jittering his leg during breakfast and Spencer rests his hand on Brendon's thigh, squeezing gently until Brendon stops and then massaging lightly, rubbing his thumb along the inside seam of Brendon's jeans, which probably just makes it worse, but feels kind of comforting anyway. Brendon doesn't even know any more. He can't manage to eat much and spills water over the table. Spencer throws a napkin over the puddle and rubs his knuckles over the bottom bracket of Brendon's ribcage
Brendon's completely worn-out and jittery on the way to the venue, he ends up falling asleep on Spencer's shoulder in the back of the van that's driving them over. Ryan arches his eyebrows in a "what the fuck?" query, but Spencer just shrugs one shoulder and lets Brendon sleep for a while.
Brendon gets hard again playing the concert, and wired. He can't get his body to come down from the adrenalin and he's crawling out of his skin the whole ride over to the hotel.
When they finally get to their room, Brendon's relieved because he doesn't have to watch himself around the other guys so carefully, but it's actually worse because Spencer's rightthere. Part of him wants to suggest he room with Jon for once and jerk off fast while Jon's down at the bar with the crew guys, but all it takes is Spencer's hand brushing his wrist and he doesn't want to switch, even if it means he doesn't get off.
Brendon's the kind of twitchy-wired that can't be taken care of with a few hours of intense video game playing, which he's pretty sure Spencer knows from the way he looks at Brendon with heavy lidded eyes before he casually checks to see what's on TV, clicking between channels while Brendon practically vibrates in place.
Brendon's still kind of hovering near the bed when Spencer clicks off the TV, tosses the remote away and leans back on his elbows, patting the bed. His eyes are still sleepy-looking, but it's that deceptively sleepy look that Brendon knows means he really isn't sleepy at all.
Brendon sits down on the edge of the bed and gives himself a minute to just look down at his knees and try to breathe. He's going to lie down beside Spencer, he is. He just needs a second. Spencer reaches out and touches the back of his neck, and Brendon's head ducks down a little further. Spencer stands up, and walks to the bathroom, leaving the door open while he brushes his teeth. Brendon rubs his hands over his thighs and manages to relax a little, though it all slams right back into him when Spencer returns.
Brendon looks at Spencer, and he doesn't look away when Spencer walks towards him, and settles on the ground in front of him. Spencer wraps his hands around Brendon's ankles and pulls his legs apart, and Brendon complies before thinking about it. Spencer hands are just at his ankles anyway,so whatever he wants, it's probably safe. Spencer encourages him forward, until he's sitting just at the edge of the bed, leaning back, then rests his head against Brendon's thigh. His hands are still on Brendon's ankles, which Brendon only notices when his legs spread further and catch on Spencer's hands.
Spencer's head is right there, but he doesn't move his hands when he rubs his cheek up Brendon's thigh, all the way to the top until he reaches the bulge of Brendon's cock straining against his jeans. Spencer turns his head and breathes into the fabric, and even through all the layers, Brendon can feel the change in temperature.
Spencer keeps breathing hotly, and soon the denim gets wet, from Spencer's mouth and from Brendon's leaking cock, and Brendon can't stop moving his hips, he can't hold still, even when he tries to ground himself by focusing on Spencer's hands wrapped around his ankles.
It's wet and it's a pressure but there's not even any friction from Spencer's soft mouth and Brendon hopes that he can come anyway, but he can't. He flexes his hips and tries to find something to rub against, looks down at Spencer and hopes that the visual will be enough, and it's hot, it's really fucking hot, but there are his jeans and his boxers between any sensation and his cock, and he's stuck somewhere between getting-close and almost-there and he can't move forward.
He flexes his feet, and Spencer's hands still hold his ankles, until they don't anymore. They're gone somewhere, and the next time they touch Brendon, they still on Brendon's waistband. Spencer pulls his mouth away, and looks up at him, and Brendon says, "Oh Jesus, oh fuck," and leaves his hands on the bed instead of trying to catch Spencer's wrist.
Spencer kind of wants to just yank the stupid pants off all at once, but he foresees another freak-out if he's not careful, so he unsnaps the button on Brendon's jeans and spreads his hands across Brendon's abs, feeling the muscles tense and jump beneath his hand when he breathes over Brendon's crotch. He digs his fingertips in a little, massaging, and Brendon's going a little bit out of his mind, but he keeps quiet until he desperately pushes his hips up with the tiny amount of leverage he has. His cock bumps Spencer's chin, and he forgets everything and drops his mouth open and groans.
Spencer lets his thumbs dip just beneath the waistband and mouths the inside of Brendon's thighs for a while so he doesn't come too soon, and then keeps holding Brendon down with both hands tight on his hips while he breathes over Brendon's damp cock again, and this time when Brendon's hips strain up hopefully, Spencer catches the zipper in his teeth and draws it down slowly, while Brendon goes from panting to half-whispering, "Oh Jesus, oh Christ, oh fuck."
Spencer breathes over just Brendon's boxers, and Brendon is absolutely certain he's going to come right there, but he screws his eyes closed so tight he sees stars, and when he can think and breathe again, Spencer is nuzzling at his boxers so lightly that the fabric is barely whispering over his cock, teasing until Brendon is gritting his teeth to keep from opening his mouth and just begging Spencer to do it already, to just do it.
Spencer licks over the head of Brendon's cock through his boxers with just the tip of his tongue while he coaxes his jeans down as far as he can. He can can taste a little salt, even through the fabric. He looks up at Brendon, tucks the tips of his fingers just under the elastic of Brendon's boxers, then pulls his mouth away to say, "Tell me yes."
Brendon pants and his head is spinning and he knows he needs to stop but he can't. He knows his face is all twisted and ugly when he looks down at Spencer, but he can't smooth out his features and he can't stop gasping.
Spencer wiggles his fingers just lightly, touching bare skin. He waits, and when Brendon doesn't say anything, he says, "Say yes or I'm going to fucking leave you like this," and he doesn't mean to snarl, but that's what it comes out as.
Brendon knows this is probably the last time Spencer will have sex with him and he's probably royally screwing himself over right now, but he can't actually think with Spencer's mouth so close and he thinks he might actually die if Spencer leaves him like this and pins him down and falls asleep, so he closes his eyes tight so he doesn't have to look, doesn't have to see the look on Spencer's face, and grits his teeth hoping that Spencer won't decide to leave him like this after all. He wants to be cool about it and just say yes, but when he does it comes out as a whisper, and Spencer's voice snaps like something sharp and slicing when he says, "What?" so Brendon drops his head back and begs, "yes yes yes please yes" in a steady stream until he physically bites his own tongue to make himself shut up.
Spencer says, "That's good," then gives a strong tug and pulls Brendon's boxers down. The fabric was wet, but warm from Spencer's mouth, and when Brendon's finally bare, the air feels cold. He thinks, Spencer's looking at me right now, and even that feels something like a turn on, maybe, even though he's pretty sure that if Spencer says something or pulls back that he's still going to end up chasing after him, and he's embarrassed just in anticipation, but he still doesn't think that he's going to be able to help himself.
Spencer pulls his boxers down past his knees and like that his legs are stuck close enough together that there's not room for Spencer, so he pulls them the rest of the way down, until Brendon slides one foot free and opens his legs for Spencer to shuffle forward. "That's good," Spencer says, leaving the boxers hanging off one ankle.
Brendon thinks maybe Spencer just hasn't noticed yet, which is kind of hysterically funny to him right now, but he's not going to say anything so he just bites his lip, still refusing to open his eyes although Spencer's glossy pouty mouth anywhere near his cock is just hot, and prays for Spencer to go down on him. Just once. Brendon is totally willing to settle for one time, if Spencer will just please, please put his mouth on Brendon's cock.
He spreads his legs a little wider, just in case Spencer doesn't get the hint, and can't seem to stop his hips from straining up again hopefully. Spencer actually chuckles, which startles him into both dropping his hips and opening his eyes.
Any blood that's not stubbornly pounding in his cock rushes to his face, and Spencer's laughing at him, and Brendon actually acutely dizzy right now, probably from panting so hard and possibly from not having any blood left for the rest of his organs. Brendon's eyelashes feel kind of wet and sticky and he wants to wipe his face, wants to hide his face, but his body has locked and he can't move.
Spencer's still between his legs, and Brendon thinks, fucking what? before Spencer murmurs something that sounds like, "You're fucking hot like this," and slides his mouth down Brendon's dick. Brendon was totally right about the deepthroating, which he should feel more humiliated about than he does, but all he can think is yes and finally and oh god Jesus fucking Christ because Spencer is a fucking tease but he's not messing around anymore, sliding down and swallowing and sucking hard and bobbing, and Brendon lasts about 8 seconds before he comes, which is just one more thing Spencer can laugh at him for, but right now he's wrung-out and exhausted and he just came in Spencer's mouth, so he figures he'll worry about it later, like when the world stops spinning.
Spencer leaves little kisses on his thighs and belly, little whispering brushes of his lips on Brendon's skin, and Brendon thinks dizzily that that's really nice, before Spencer stretches out next to him and turns Brendon's head to the side with his fingers, pressing against his jaw so Brendon's mouth opens automatically when Spencer kisses him.
Brendon opens his mouth for Spencer's tongue. He still hasn't caught his breath so he can't do much more than hold still and pant through his nose, but Spencer just licks lightly over Brendon's tongue, the roof of his mouth, just past the curve of his lower lip. Once he's coaxed Brendon's tongue forward, he sucks gently, and Brendon's hard again so fast it's embarrassing. Another thing to add to the list.
Spencer keeps kissing him, like really fucking sweetly, even though is mouth still tastes like Brendon's come. He has a hand wrapped around Brendon's dick before Brendon realizes that he's moving and he jerks Brendon off, keeping his hand tight and slow.
Brendon thinks that it's too soon after to have to worry about coming quickly, but Spencer keeps this really steady rhythm and makes it easy for Brendon to push back with him, into his hand, and they're still kissing when Brendon starts muttering, "oh oh oh" and slams head first into orgasm.
Brendon thinks it's too bad he can't really brag about this, because he kind of wants to tell everyone how Spencer is really a sex god. Spencer starts chuckling again, a low huffing vibration against his mouth, and Brendon turns bright red and humiliated before he realizes that Spencer is actually laughing because Brendon just said that out loud. Damn his complete inability to hold his tongue after orgasm. He's relatively sure he didn't say that out loud. He hopes so, at least, and even if he did, Spencer doesn't seem to mind, he's just licking a little at Brendon's mouth and oh Christ that's hot.
Spencer finally stops kissing him and Brendon makes a little whimpering noise before he can help it, seriously, curse his unruly tongue, but Spencer just smiles (Brendon can see, because he opens his eyes to figure out where Spencer's amazing mouth went) and says, "Want to shower?" and Brendon figures he might as well, in for a penny in for a pound, etc. There's no real harm in it, because Spencer has gotten about as close to Brendon's cock as is humanly possible. Plus, he just came twice, so he's kind of...sticky.
He kind of wants to suck Spencer off again, too. Maybe in the shower, although he thinks that might be a bitch on his knees. But yeah. Shower.
They roll out of bed, and Spencer says, "I still want you to talk to me. Later."
Maybe half a blowjob in the shower, Brendon thinks. Drag it out as long as possible. Spencer could fuck him. Brendon would really like to be fucked. He's going to be ready to go again, and soon, but he can make it through a shower.
by airgiodslv & disarm_d
Spencer/Brendon | NC-17 | ~4800 words
airgiodslv: *facepalm* Now I totally kind of want fic in which Brendon is insecure about taking his pants off and having sex with Spencer because he knows that Spencer used to mess around with Ryan when they were younger and Brendon just can't compete with that!
Hey, remember this thread? Jen and I ended up finishing it.
Spencer and Brendon have started fooling around, and Brendon maybe sucked off Spencer once, but he won't let Spencer return the favor. Spencer is so confused. But, Brendon's seen Ryan before, okay? So. He knows he doesn't even begin to compare.
At first Spencer is pleased; Brendon seems to be all about giving and satisfying his partner. Eventually he starts to get a bit irked, because Brendon won't even let Spencer jerk him off, and he always turns pink and looks a little shifty when Spencer offers. He doesn't know if it's some sort of weird 'I'm not gay' crisis or what, but he's fed up with it. Brendon is tiny and he squirms a lot, though, he's hard to pin down! And then he gets his mouth on Spencer's cock and Spencer is understandably distracted.
It's not that big a deal at first, but Brendon's started running off after sucking off Spencer, and maybe Spencer would like someone there while he's post coital, every once and a while, okay?
The next time that Brendon reaches for his cock, Spencer stops him and says, "You first."
Brendon makes up this totally lame excuse about having forgotten that he was meeting someone, and runs off.
Spencer doesn't know what the hell is going on, but he doesn't think this is heading towards a healthy relationship. And getting Brendon to actually talk to him about this is not only awkward and stupid, it's also impossible, because every time Spencer tries to bring it up, as casually as possible, Brendon either makes himself scarce or magically finds someone else to include in their conversation, so it's not like Spencer can just say "Why won't you let me suck your cock?"
Spencer honestly manages to convince himself that Brendon's having a heterosexual freak out, that he doesn't want Spencer any more, but he's just trying to make Spencer happy, which is why he keeps sucking him off, even though he's not interested in Spencer returning the favor.
Spencer doesn't know that Brendon runs off to the bathroom and jerks off. He comes in about forty-five seconds. He's scared to go back to Spencer afterwards, because he thinks that Spencer will be able to smell it on him.
So the next time Brendon tries to get him off, Spencer stops him and says he doesn't think they should do this anymore, and the look on Brendon's face, Jesus, he feels like he's just kicked a puppy, but after a second Brendon just says okay, all quiet and hunched in on himself, and disappears before Spencer can actually explain why he feels that way. And forget talking to him after that, because he finds some excuse to be anywhere but where Spencer is, and Spencer's grinding his teeth because he did this for Brendon, dammit, Brendon and his stupid gay freak-outs, so why the fuck does he feel like the asshole here?
Spencer walks onto the bus and finds the door to the lounge locked. They never lock that door, what the fuck? He's about to start pounding on the door, when Ryan comes up behind him and says, "Brendon says that he gets the lounge to himself tonight. You know, since you dumped him."
Spencer would bet thousands that Brendon didn't actually phrase it like that, but still he asks, "What the fuck?"
Ryan shrugs. "I dunno," he says. "He wants some time alone or something."
Spencer goes to the back lounge, and asks why Brendon's telling people that Spencer broke up with him, and they have some awkward semi-communication. Spencer says that Brendon wasn't into it anyway, so it's was just a matter of time, and Brendon says that he wasn't going to break up with Spencer. Neither of them actually admit to liking each other, but maybe by the end of it, they're un-broken up again. But still with all of the same issues, because Brendon can't exactly just come out and say "I have a tiny cock." Spencer has no idea what the issue is, it's still a gay freak-out to him.
Brendon still isn't having sex with him. Well, Spencer gets off, but Brendon won't even get naked.
Spencer tries to test the waters a little, figure out what Brendon's boundaries are.
One hotel night, he grabs the little bottle of cream from the bathroom and brushes his fingers just under the hem of Brendon's shirt. Says, "Let me rub your back." And Brendon takes off his shirt for Spencer (which, YAY! step one is a success, Spencer's happy!) and Spencer straddles his thighs and uses up the entire bottle.
Brendon's skin gets flushed and warm and he's tingling all over and by the end of it, he's rubbing his hips, which pushes his cock into the mattress and his ass back against Spencer. But, when Spencer rubs low on his back and moves his hand around Brendon's side, around to his stomach, trying to slip his fingers under waistband, Brendon rolls away and says, "We've got an early morning tomorrow."
So Spencer says, "Okay," but catches Brendon's wrist before he can run off and pulls the comforter over both of them and actually falls asleep pretty quickly.
Meanwhile, Brendon's so hard it aches, and Spencer's arm is around him; he can't slip away to jerk off.
--
Sometimes, when they're both in soft pajama pants and shirtless, they just make out on top of their hotel bed for over an hour. Brendon doesn't want to let it go too far, but Spencer starts grinding and god that feels amazing, so they rub together and touch and kiss and end up both coming in their pants, which frankly is gross but also pretty hot. Spencer definitely counts it as a victory, but then Brendon won't take a shower with him, he wants to take turns so they don't get "distracted", which, what the fuck? He really wouldn't mind getting distracted with naked wet Brendon. But instead they shower separately, and when he comes out Brendon is fully armored in clean pajamas and in snuggle mode, not sex mode.
Spencer is starting to think this is some sort of Mormon virginity thing that Brendon just refuses to tell him about, because he really doesn't talk about religion much. Like, a no-sex-before-marriage pact or something. Brendon's religious upbringing was pretty strict, so Spencer thinks it might be that. But he's sure Brendon has scored before, because he bragged for like, a week. Unless he made that up, which is possible.
Finally, he asks, "Brendon, are you a virgin?"
Brendon actually drops his jaw open for a long moment before, "What?"
"Dude, seriously. I promise I won't tell anyone."
Brendon finally says, "Fuck my mouth then ask again if I'm a virgin."
So Spencer does, and Brendon looks up at him the whole time, cupping Spencer's hips with his open palms.
Spencer thanks god they have a day off tomorrow, because Brendon is seriously letting him push all the way into the back of his throat, and if Spencer did this before a show Ryan would kill him. With his fingernails.
Afterwards, Spencer's can't feel his toes, and he rasps out, "Seriously, Brendon. Let me." But Brendon can't stop thinking, 'he could probably take me all the way down without even having to deepthroat', so he just shakes his head.
Spencer's tired, so he says, "Fine," like he's kind of mad, but, again, he won't let Brendon leave.
Once again, Brendon's trapped under Spencer's arm and leaking through his pajama bottoms.
Brendon thinks he might die of sexual frustration if he keeps sharing hotel rooms with Spencer.
--
At first, Spencer just thinks, okay, if Brendon doesn't want to come, he doesn't have to. But, Spencer watches, and he figures out pretty quickly that Brendon's hard, that at least his body wants it.
So Spencer comes up with a Plan, he starts pushing because this one-way thing has to stop.
Every time Brendon thinks he's gotten away, he turns around and Spencer is there, banging on the bathroom door saying, "We have to go, come on!" or asking Brendon to sleep in his bunk because he likes holding him, or sending Jon or Ryan after him.
The next time they're doing the kissing and grinding thing, when Spencer's so close he can feel it in his teeth, he rolls away and says, "I want to come in your mouth," and he makes sure that he knows where both Brendon's hands are the whole time.
Spencer's getting off, and he knows Brendon is getting turned on and frustrated pretty much every night, but he can't do anything about it. Spencer's got this little edge of anger because he still doesn't know what's going on. So, he doesn't even feel guilty about cornering Brendon backstage and pushing Brendon onto his knees.
--
He pushes Brendon up against a wall after an interview and rubs up against Brendon's ass. Brendon's face is pushed into the wall and he's panting hard and Spencer holds his hips tight tight tight, and Brendon says, "Please," without meaning to, but when Spencer flips him again and rubs his thumb over the top button on Brendon's jeans, Brendon wraps his fingers against Spencer's wrist and pulls his hand away.
Spencer looks at him until he starts to squirm, and then shrugs, "Fine," and flips Brendon back around, pushing his upper body into the wall with an arm between his shoulders, but holding his hips away with another hand on his hips, then rubs off against Brendon's ass.
--
They spend a few days on the bus, and neither of them get off, but Spencer insists they sleep in the back lounge together.
When they're finally in a hotel together again, Spencer pushes Brendon down on the bed and crawls up his chest, pushes his cock past Brendon's lips without even kissing him first.
Spencer leaves Brendon's head on the pillow, so the wall stops Spencer from being able to crouch over Brendon enough that Brendon can straighten out his throat and take Spencer down very far.
Spencer says, "Use your hands," partly because he wants to know what Brendon's hands are doing, and partly because he just wants Brendon's hands on his cock.
Brendon's hips keep coming off the bed in little helpless thrusts, but there's nothing to rub against and Spencer is making sure he doesn't get enough friction to come, while keeping his mouth too busy for complaint.
Spencer touches Brendon's cheek, the corner of his lips, and doesn't push Brendon to a faster pace than the one Brendon sets. Brendon wraps both hands around the base of Spencer's cock and twists in alternate directions and makes up for the fact that he can't take Spencer in very deep like this. Mostly just uses his mouth to keep everything really wet and to suck lightly on the head of Spencer's dick.
Spencer says, "Yeah," and it's hard to keep quiet after that, but Brendon makes little noises back around Spencer's cock, so Spencer stops trying. Brendon is totally making noises, little desperate whimpers and gasps, because he's so unbelievably turned on and thinks he might be able to come from this, just this, after so long of not being able to, all he needs is for Spencer to touch him and he's done. Brendon takes Spencer as deep as he can and sucks as hard as he can and Spencer comes before Brendon needs to take another breath. He swallows and then gasps, and Spencer lets his dick slide out of Brendon's mouth.
Brendon gasps and he's still panting and Spencer slides down rubbing over Brendon's cock just for a fraction of a moment before settling on his thighs. He touches his fingers to Brendon's zipper, then looks up at Brendon. Brendon's eyes roll back in his head and he wants it so bad that he thinks he's going to fly apart from trying to keep in inside, but he still just can't. He grits his teeth together until his head starts to ache and shakes his head quickly.
Spencer rubs his thumb over the metal, just to see him squirm, then flops down on the bed. He's warm and sleepy and sated and the pillows are really soft. He presses along Brendon's side and presses his head against Brendon's shoulder. Brendon's shaking, actually shaking and Spencer can feel it. He rests his hand low on Brendon's lower belly, his baby finger just brushing the waistband. Brendon's hand comes down on top of his, and for a second, Spencer thinks that Brendon's going to push his hand down lower, but he doesn't.
Brendon shakes and Spencer holds him tight, pushes his hair away from his forehead, and breathes against his neck until they both end up falling asleep.
--
Brendon ends up having a wet dream that night, for the first time in years and years. Spencer notices, because Brendon's rutting up against his thigh when he comes, but he doesn't say anything. Brendon doesn't know if Spencer knows, but when he finally wakes up, Spencer lets him flee to the bathroom to clean up without asking any questions. It's still too early for him to shower, so Brendon just cleans himself off as best he can at the sink, and crawls back to bed.
Spencer holds up the edge of the comforter and makes sleepy noises against Brendon's neck when Brendon settles in. Spencer's hard; more than just morning wood after Brendon came, rubbing against his thigh. Brendon can feel that he's hard, which starts the low boil in Brendon's belly again.
Spencer manages to fall back asleep, but Brendon doesn't.
--
Spencer's erection has mostly gone away by the time they get out of bed, proper, but Brendon's hasn't. Spencer follows Brendon into the bathroom and brushes his teeth while Brendon showers (Brendon leaves his boxers on until he's behind the shower curtain, then throws them over the rail). Brendon's still hard after he showers, still hard when they walk down for breakfast.
Spencer knows, from the way he's acting, so he stays close and keeps casually in contact, touching Brendon and putting a hand in the small of his back to guide him. Brendon starts jittering his leg during breakfast and Spencer rests his hand on Brendon's thigh, squeezing gently until Brendon stops and then massaging lightly, rubbing his thumb along the inside seam of Brendon's jeans, which probably just makes it worse, but feels kind of comforting anyway. Brendon doesn't even know any more. He can't manage to eat much and spills water over the table. Spencer throws a napkin over the puddle and rubs his knuckles over the bottom bracket of Brendon's ribcage
Brendon's completely worn-out and jittery on the way to the venue, he ends up falling asleep on Spencer's shoulder in the back of the van that's driving them over. Ryan arches his eyebrows in a "what the fuck?" query, but Spencer just shrugs one shoulder and lets Brendon sleep for a while.
Brendon gets hard again playing the concert, and wired. He can't get his body to come down from the adrenalin and he's crawling out of his skin the whole ride over to the hotel.
When they finally get to their room, Brendon's relieved because he doesn't have to watch himself around the other guys so carefully, but it's actually worse because Spencer's rightthere. Part of him wants to suggest he room with Jon for once and jerk off fast while Jon's down at the bar with the crew guys, but all it takes is Spencer's hand brushing his wrist and he doesn't want to switch, even if it means he doesn't get off.
Brendon's the kind of twitchy-wired that can't be taken care of with a few hours of intense video game playing, which he's pretty sure Spencer knows from the way he looks at Brendon with heavy lidded eyes before he casually checks to see what's on TV, clicking between channels while Brendon practically vibrates in place.
Brendon's still kind of hovering near the bed when Spencer clicks off the TV, tosses the remote away and leans back on his elbows, patting the bed. His eyes are still sleepy-looking, but it's that deceptively sleepy look that Brendon knows means he really isn't sleepy at all.
Brendon sits down on the edge of the bed and gives himself a minute to just look down at his knees and try to breathe. He's going to lie down beside Spencer, he is. He just needs a second. Spencer reaches out and touches the back of his neck, and Brendon's head ducks down a little further. Spencer stands up, and walks to the bathroom, leaving the door open while he brushes his teeth. Brendon rubs his hands over his thighs and manages to relax a little, though it all slams right back into him when Spencer returns.
Brendon looks at Spencer, and he doesn't look away when Spencer walks towards him, and settles on the ground in front of him. Spencer wraps his hands around Brendon's ankles and pulls his legs apart, and Brendon complies before thinking about it. Spencer hands are just at his ankles anyway,so whatever he wants, it's probably safe. Spencer encourages him forward, until he's sitting just at the edge of the bed, leaning back, then rests his head against Brendon's thigh. His hands are still on Brendon's ankles, which Brendon only notices when his legs spread further and catch on Spencer's hands.
Spencer's head is right there, but he doesn't move his hands when he rubs his cheek up Brendon's thigh, all the way to the top until he reaches the bulge of Brendon's cock straining against his jeans. Spencer turns his head and breathes into the fabric, and even through all the layers, Brendon can feel the change in temperature.
Spencer keeps breathing hotly, and soon the denim gets wet, from Spencer's mouth and from Brendon's leaking cock, and Brendon can't stop moving his hips, he can't hold still, even when he tries to ground himself by focusing on Spencer's hands wrapped around his ankles.
It's wet and it's a pressure but there's not even any friction from Spencer's soft mouth and Brendon hopes that he can come anyway, but he can't. He flexes his hips and tries to find something to rub against, looks down at Spencer and hopes that the visual will be enough, and it's hot, it's really fucking hot, but there are his jeans and his boxers between any sensation and his cock, and he's stuck somewhere between getting-close and almost-there and he can't move forward.
He flexes his feet, and Spencer's hands still hold his ankles, until they don't anymore. They're gone somewhere, and the next time they touch Brendon, they still on Brendon's waistband. Spencer pulls his mouth away, and looks up at him, and Brendon says, "Oh Jesus, oh fuck," and leaves his hands on the bed instead of trying to catch Spencer's wrist.
Spencer kind of wants to just yank the stupid pants off all at once, but he foresees another freak-out if he's not careful, so he unsnaps the button on Brendon's jeans and spreads his hands across Brendon's abs, feeling the muscles tense and jump beneath his hand when he breathes over Brendon's crotch. He digs his fingertips in a little, massaging, and Brendon's going a little bit out of his mind, but he keeps quiet until he desperately pushes his hips up with the tiny amount of leverage he has. His cock bumps Spencer's chin, and he forgets everything and drops his mouth open and groans.
Spencer lets his thumbs dip just beneath the waistband and mouths the inside of Brendon's thighs for a while so he doesn't come too soon, and then keeps holding Brendon down with both hands tight on his hips while he breathes over Brendon's damp cock again, and this time when Brendon's hips strain up hopefully, Spencer catches the zipper in his teeth and draws it down slowly, while Brendon goes from panting to half-whispering, "Oh Jesus, oh Christ, oh fuck."
Spencer breathes over just Brendon's boxers, and Brendon is absolutely certain he's going to come right there, but he screws his eyes closed so tight he sees stars, and when he can think and breathe again, Spencer is nuzzling at his boxers so lightly that the fabric is barely whispering over his cock, teasing until Brendon is gritting his teeth to keep from opening his mouth and just begging Spencer to do it already, to just do it.
Spencer licks over the head of Brendon's cock through his boxers with just the tip of his tongue while he coaxes his jeans down as far as he can. He can can taste a little salt, even through the fabric. He looks up at Brendon, tucks the tips of his fingers just under the elastic of Brendon's boxers, then pulls his mouth away to say, "Tell me yes."
Brendon pants and his head is spinning and he knows he needs to stop but he can't. He knows his face is all twisted and ugly when he looks down at Spencer, but he can't smooth out his features and he can't stop gasping.
Spencer wiggles his fingers just lightly, touching bare skin. He waits, and when Brendon doesn't say anything, he says, "Say yes or I'm going to fucking leave you like this," and he doesn't mean to snarl, but that's what it comes out as.
Brendon knows this is probably the last time Spencer will have sex with him and he's probably royally screwing himself over right now, but he can't actually think with Spencer's mouth so close and he thinks he might actually die if Spencer leaves him like this and pins him down and falls asleep, so he closes his eyes tight so he doesn't have to look, doesn't have to see the look on Spencer's face, and grits his teeth hoping that Spencer won't decide to leave him like this after all. He wants to be cool about it and just say yes, but when he does it comes out as a whisper, and Spencer's voice snaps like something sharp and slicing when he says, "What?" so Brendon drops his head back and begs, "yes yes yes please yes" in a steady stream until he physically bites his own tongue to make himself shut up.
Spencer says, "That's good," then gives a strong tug and pulls Brendon's boxers down. The fabric was wet, but warm from Spencer's mouth, and when Brendon's finally bare, the air feels cold. He thinks, Spencer's looking at me right now, and even that feels something like a turn on, maybe, even though he's pretty sure that if Spencer says something or pulls back that he's still going to end up chasing after him, and he's embarrassed just in anticipation, but he still doesn't think that he's going to be able to help himself.
Spencer pulls his boxers down past his knees and like that his legs are stuck close enough together that there's not room for Spencer, so he pulls them the rest of the way down, until Brendon slides one foot free and opens his legs for Spencer to shuffle forward. "That's good," Spencer says, leaving the boxers hanging off one ankle.
Brendon thinks maybe Spencer just hasn't noticed yet, which is kind of hysterically funny to him right now, but he's not going to say anything so he just bites his lip, still refusing to open his eyes although Spencer's glossy pouty mouth anywhere near his cock is just hot, and prays for Spencer to go down on him. Just once. Brendon is totally willing to settle for one time, if Spencer will just please, please put his mouth on Brendon's cock.
He spreads his legs a little wider, just in case Spencer doesn't get the hint, and can't seem to stop his hips from straining up again hopefully. Spencer actually chuckles, which startles him into both dropping his hips and opening his eyes.
Any blood that's not stubbornly pounding in his cock rushes to his face, and Spencer's laughing at him, and Brendon actually acutely dizzy right now, probably from panting so hard and possibly from not having any blood left for the rest of his organs. Brendon's eyelashes feel kind of wet and sticky and he wants to wipe his face, wants to hide his face, but his body has locked and he can't move.
Spencer's still between his legs, and Brendon thinks, fucking what? before Spencer murmurs something that sounds like, "You're fucking hot like this," and slides his mouth down Brendon's dick. Brendon was totally right about the deepthroating, which he should feel more humiliated about than he does, but all he can think is yes and finally and oh god Jesus fucking Christ because Spencer is a fucking tease but he's not messing around anymore, sliding down and swallowing and sucking hard and bobbing, and Brendon lasts about 8 seconds before he comes, which is just one more thing Spencer can laugh at him for, but right now he's wrung-out and exhausted and he just came in Spencer's mouth, so he figures he'll worry about it later, like when the world stops spinning.
Spencer leaves little kisses on his thighs and belly, little whispering brushes of his lips on Brendon's skin, and Brendon thinks dizzily that that's really nice, before Spencer stretches out next to him and turns Brendon's head to the side with his fingers, pressing against his jaw so Brendon's mouth opens automatically when Spencer kisses him.
Brendon opens his mouth for Spencer's tongue. He still hasn't caught his breath so he can't do much more than hold still and pant through his nose, but Spencer just licks lightly over Brendon's tongue, the roof of his mouth, just past the curve of his lower lip. Once he's coaxed Brendon's tongue forward, he sucks gently, and Brendon's hard again so fast it's embarrassing. Another thing to add to the list.
Spencer keeps kissing him, like really fucking sweetly, even though is mouth still tastes like Brendon's come. He has a hand wrapped around Brendon's dick before Brendon realizes that he's moving and he jerks Brendon off, keeping his hand tight and slow.
Brendon thinks that it's too soon after to have to worry about coming quickly, but Spencer keeps this really steady rhythm and makes it easy for Brendon to push back with him, into his hand, and they're still kissing when Brendon starts muttering, "oh oh oh" and slams head first into orgasm.
Brendon thinks it's too bad he can't really brag about this, because he kind of wants to tell everyone how Spencer is really a sex god. Spencer starts chuckling again, a low huffing vibration against his mouth, and Brendon turns bright red and humiliated before he realizes that Spencer is actually laughing because Brendon just said that out loud. Damn his complete inability to hold his tongue after orgasm. He's relatively sure he didn't say that out loud. He hopes so, at least, and even if he did, Spencer doesn't seem to mind, he's just licking a little at Brendon's mouth and oh Christ that's hot.
Spencer finally stops kissing him and Brendon makes a little whimpering noise before he can help it, seriously, curse his unruly tongue, but Spencer just smiles (Brendon can see, because he opens his eyes to figure out where Spencer's amazing mouth went) and says, "Want to shower?" and Brendon figures he might as well, in for a penny in for a pound, etc. There's no real harm in it, because Spencer has gotten about as close to Brendon's cock as is humanly possible. Plus, he just came twice, so he's kind of...sticky.
He kind of wants to suck Spencer off again, too. Maybe in the shower, although he thinks that might be a bitch on his knees. But yeah. Shower.
They roll out of bed, and Spencer says, "I still want you to talk to me. Later."
Maybe half a blowjob in the shower, Brendon thinks. Drag it out as long as possible. Spencer could fuck him. Brendon would really like to be fucked. He's going to be ready to go again, and soon, but he can make it through a shower.