Panic fic | Once Was | Brendon/Spencer | NC-17 | ~5500 words | Blindfolds
Once Was
Brendon/Spencer | NC-17 | ~ 5500 words
Kink Bingo: Wildcard = Sensory Deprivation
Warnings for blindfolds (written in a potentially triggering way), established relationship, kink.
Huge, gigantic, enormous thanks to theaerosolkid who was a tremendous help while I wrote this. ♥
Author's note: It wasn't until after I was most of the way through writing this that I had the thought of oh, where did I even get this from? and realized that my subconscious had likely taken that scene in Tell Me To Stop by airgiodslv where Brendon says that he's afraid of blindfolds and latched on. (I mean, what, it's not canon that Brendon's afraid of blindfolds? ahahahaha) Jen said it's alright if I play around in her 'verse, so while this wasn't intentionally written as a sequel if you would like to read it as such, go right ahead! Either way, you should go read Tell Me To Stop because that story is amazing.
"Maybe I should get undressed first," Brendon says when Spencer picks up the blindfold.
"I can undress you," Spencer says.
Spencer holds the black cloth between his hands, and, "Right," Brendon says, staring. "Okay. But, I mean, might as well, right?"
"You don't have to be able to see for me to take off your clothes," Spencer says.
"Are you going to take off your clothes?" Brendon asks. His palms are sweating, but even though is fingers twitch, he resists the urge to rub his hands against his jeans.
"I don't know," Spencer says. "It's not going to make any difference to you."
"I guess," Brendon says. Spencer takes a little step forward, and Brendon has to stop himself from sinking back.
"Or I can just put this away," Spencer says, letting the cloth slide through one hand. It's still wrapped around his other palm and it dangles almost all the way down to the floor. "I can make popcorn and you can pick a movie and we can get stoned and prank call Shane."
Brendon takes a deep breath. "No, don't put it away. I want to do this."
"We can stop anytime."
"I know." Brendon scrubs his hand through his hair and laughs awkwardly. "It's not a big thing. I don't know what my problem is."
Spencer shrugs. His posture is relaxed, comfortable as he waits.
Brendon feels stupid but he knows that Spencer doesn't think he's stupid. He eyes the blindfold in Spencer's hand and tries to keep his breathing even. His heart is beating so fast already, and they haven't done anything. It's just the anticipation.
"Just-- give me a sec," he says. Spencer nods.
As they stand there, Brendon wishes that Spencer would just do something, but Spencer continues to wait. If Spencer came closer and started putting the blindfold on, Brendon wouldn't stop him. And then it would be done. Dragging it out like this is making Brendon more nervous, and it's his own damn fault but still he stands, and still Spencer waits.
The moment stretches on, and even though Spencer doesn't seem like he minds, Brendon's getting antsy. He wants to open his mouth, but he feels like his jaw is stuck. Brendon rubs his arm, the bare skin just under the sleeve of his t-shirt. It's late afternoon and still light outside. The room is bright and warm, and Spencer actually made the bed this morning, so the comforter is lying smooth and tidy.
"Do you want to take a break?" Spencer asks softly. "Try again in a little while?"
"I really want to do this with you," Brendon says. "Let's just, I'm ready, let's do it now."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
Spencer shuffles forward, and gives Brendon a dopey grin. Everything about this is so nonthreatening: their bright, familiar bedroom and Spencer's smile and, "It's dumb that I'm this scared," Brendon says.
"It's not dumb," Spencer says. "And we really don't have to do this."
"I want to," Brendon says. "I mean, I do want to try, I don't know if--"
"I'll put it on, and then I can take it off again, right away if you want," Spencer says. "And, like, you've got your hands, right? You can take it off whenever you want."
"Okay," Brendon says. They've talked about this and talked about this, but still it's reassuring to hear. "Yeah. That's true." He tips his face back and is surprised and relieved when Spencer leans down for a long kiss instead of reaching up with the blindfold.
Spencer kisses him thoroughly. He says, "I think this is going to be really hot. And I think you're going to like it, and if you don't we can figure out something else."
Brendon nods, closes his eyes when Spencer leans in for another kiss and keeps them closed even after Spencer pulls away. He wants to open them, wants to see, but he forces himself to breath slowly and wait.
He jerks a little when he feels something touch his face, just Spencer's fingertips at first, stroking gently over his cheekbone, but then it's the cloth and it's wrapping around his head and covering his eyes and Brendon can't breathe and, "Stop, stop," he blurts out, his hands flying to his face. "Shit."
"Okay," Spencer says, pulling the blindfold away quickly. "It's okay. You're okay." He lets the blindfold fall onto the ground and reaches for Brendon with both arms, pulling him in for a tight hug.
Brendon hugs back, but after the brief flash of relief fades, he starts to feel irritated with himself. He squeezes Spencer and then pulls away, saying, "Sorry, I'm sorry, I just panicked. I'm ready now. I want to try again."
"You're supposed to say something if you panic," Spencer says. "That's good."
Brendon bends over and picks up the blindfold, passing it back to Spencer. He says firmly, "I want to try again."
Spencer looks at Brendon for a long minute before nodding. "Just say if you need to stop."
He kisses Brendon again, slow and sweet and careful, stays close after their mouths part, and slides his lips up Brendon's cheek, brushing over Brendon's closed eyelids.
"You ready?" Spencer asks, pulling back enough to lifts his hands.
Brendon says, "Yeah."
He exhales steadily, catching the inside of his cheek between his teeth. He tracks the movement of Spencer's hands, watching as he sorts out the blindfold.
Before Spencer starts wrapping the cloth around his head, Brendon asks, "I'm going to touch you, okay?" He reaches forward and rests his hands on Spencer's sides, feeling the thin fabric of Spencer's t-shirt and the slight give of Spencer's belly.
"Okay," Spencer murmurs, and then covers Brendon's eyes with the cloth. He speaks softly as he works. "I'm going to wrap it around now, and again, and then pretty soon I'm going to ask you to open your eyes and see if it's dark enough or if I should wrap it some more. Okay, now, open your eyes. Is that okay?"
"It's dark," Brendon says. "I don't know."
"Are there any cracks of light?"
"A little bit at the bottom."
"I want to keep going until you can't see at all, but if you'd rather I leave it like this, that's okay."
"You can keep going," Brendon says. He flexes his fingers and feels Spencer's t-shirt shift. It still feels weird to have something wrapping around his head, but it's easier to keep grounded when he's touching Spencer.
"I'm going to tie it at the back," Spencer says after a pause. "Just a little bow so that it'll be easy to undo. Does that feel like it's on tight enough?"
Brendon moves his head up and down, and the blindfold stays firmly in place. "Yeah, it's on." Brendon can feel the cloth wrapped all the way around his head. He squishes up his face and the bottom edge of the blindfold brushes the tops of his cheeks. When he blinks, his eyelashes flutter against the fabric, and even with his eyes open, he can't see anything at all.
Spencer cups Brendon's face between his palms. "How are you feeling?" he asks.
"Okay," Brendon says. "I just want to stay still for a minute."
"Sure." Spencer strokes Brendon's face, slow circles with his thumbs while they wait. Brendon's heart never stops racing, but he gradually becomes less aware of the feeling of the cloth on his face and that helps a bit.
Brendon doesn't want to let go of Spencer, but they've been standing there for a long while now, and Brendon's starting to get curious about what Spencer is going to do next, which probably means that he's ready to get on with things. He loosens his fingers and then lets his hands fall away entirely.
Spencer continues holding his face, and they stand like that and breathe together. Eventually, Spencer drops another kiss onto Brendon's mouth. Brendon startles at first but kisses back eagerly after he identifies the touch.
Finally, Spencer lets go of Brendon's face and it's pitch black and Brendon can't see anything and even though he's not moving, he feels suddenly disoriented. He's standing in the centre of the room. The bed is to the right side. It's okay. The door is at the far left corner.
He knows this room, but as he stands here he feels wildly lost.
"Spencer?" Brendon asks.
"I'm right here," Spencer says. He's still standing right in front of Brendon, and Brendon knew that, he did, there weren't any sounds so of course Spencer hadn't walked away, but still hearing Spencer's voice is reassuring.
"Don't leave me," Brendon says.
"I'm not going to," Spencer says. "I promise."
Brendon nods.
When Spencer's fingers start lifting the bottom of Brendon's t-shirt, Brendon is grateful for the point of contact. He raises his arms and Spencer pulls off the shirt and then Brendon can feel the touch of Spencer's hands unbuttoning his jeans. Not being able to see makes Brendon aware of how it feels when his clothes come off, and as Spencer slowly strips Brendon's pants, Brendon skin feels naked. The air is a little cooler and Brendon's nipples pull tight. Spencer's hands move to Brendon's briefs, and Brendon doesn't know how long he's been hard for, but he's definitely hard now.
He can feel the little twitch his erection gives when Spencer eases it out of the briefs, and he knows that Spencer will be able to see that. Spencer can see, and now Brendon's standing naked and Spencer will be able to look at him, and Brendon doesn't even know where Spencer is right now except for the vague sense of somewhere in front of him. Taking a deep breath doesn't help to calm the way his head is spinning, and Spencer's hands don't come back after removing Brendon's briefs. Brendon misses the contact. He doesn't know if Spencer is within reach, if he'd be able to touch Spencer if he lifted his hands. He doesn't know if he would be able to find his way over to the bed, not without bumping into something along the way. He feels completely helpless as he waits for Spencer to touch him again, and given how scared he is, he doesn't know how he's also stupidly turned on, but somehow his cock is throbbing.
Brendon doesn't realize that he has zoned out until Spencer starts talking and he has to pay attention again. Spencer asks, "You still okay? Ready to go to the bed now?"
"I don't know where the bed is," Brendon says dumbly.
"I'll take you over, if you're ready." Spencer says, "It sounds like you're freaking out a little bit," and Brendon is, but when Spencer's hand lands on his hip, squeezing firmly, Brendon starts to calm.
"Not too bad," Brendon says.
"What are you worried about?"
"I don't know," Brendon says. "You're not going to go anywhere, right?"
"Nope," Spencer says. Brendon can hear movement and then Spencer presses himself up against Brendon's back, wrapping his arms around Brendon's waist. He drops his head to rest his chin on Brendon's shoulder and says, "I'm right here."
Brendon melts back, tilting his head to the side to make more room for Spencer. He lets Spencer hold him up and finally feels less dizzy. Spencer's clothes brush along his bare skin: the backs of his calves and his ass and his upper back and around his torso, and then Spencer's skin against his skin where Spencer presses his palms to Brendon's belly. Brendon covers Spencer's hands with his own.
"We're going to walk now, okay?" Spencer asks. "Right here with me, come on." Spencer starts moving forward and Brendon shuffles with him.
The room's not that big, but Brendon keeps thinking that they'll reach the bed and they never do and they never do until finally Spencer tightens his arms, bringing them to a stop.
"Put out your foot slowly," Spencer says. "Can you feel?"
Brendon's toes brush against the bed curtain and he nods.
"I would really like it if you turned around and let me do this, but if you want to you climb onto the bed on your own. It's right there if you want to do it yourself." Spencer's beard brushes against Brendon's neck while he talks.
Brendon chews on the inside of his cheek while he thinks, but ends up turning around. He faces Spencer, and lifts his head enough that he would be looking Spencer in the eye if not for the blindfold.
"You are so fucking hot," Spencer says. "Your face is so expressive right now. Even though I can't see your eyes, I don't know."
"What do I look like?"
"Open. Scared, turned on. Really fucking hot," Spencer says.
"That's about right then," Brendon says, wanting to duck his head but forcing himself not to. "I don't know what you're going to do."
"You know just as much as you ever do," Spencer says. "Maybe even more, 'cause I already said I'm not going to tie you up or do anything that hurts. I'm just going to blindfold you: check, and then touch you: still in progress."
"I guess," Brendon says. "It feels like-- more than that."
"Well, good," Spencer says.
"Is it more for you, too?" Brendon asks. "Is this okay?"
"Yeah, you're doing real good, Brendon," Spencer says.
"I keep feeling like I'm just about to panic, but then I don't."
Spencer brushes his thumb down the side of Brendon's neck and says, "If you ever do, just say something."
"I will," Brendon says.
"I'm going to move you around now, and I think it's going to make you nervous, but I promise I'm not going to let anything bad happen."
Brendon nods, and at the urging of Spencer's hands, he walks around in a slow circle. Spencer's hands aren't firm, but they're almost always in contact with some part of Brendon, pulling him forward and moving him to the side and encouraging him to spin around, and Brendon's moving slowly but still his head starts spinning.
"Still remember where the bed is?" Spencer asks.
"No," Brendon says, and when Spencer's hands move away, he's standing in the bedroom with absolutely no idea where he is. He can't feel anything touching his legs, has no idea how far Spencer has moved him, or what he's facing, or where Spencer is now that he's not touching Brendon. He feels like he's completely alone but he knows that Spencer is right there, wherever right there may be. Brendon clenches his jaw tightly shut and waits quietly.
"I'm still here," Spencer says, just before Brendon is about to open his mouth and check in. "I'm right here, nothing's going to happen."
"I can't see anything," Brendon says.
"No," Spencer agrees. "But you can feel this." He presses his palms to Brendon's torso, just under his ribcage.
"Yeah," Brendon says.
"And you trust me."
"I trust you," says Brendon.
"Lean back," Spencer says. "I've got you."
It's completely black and Brendon doesn't know where he is in the bedroom, and Spencer's hands aren't that firm around his waist, but he forces himself to lean backwards, biting on his tongue to fight the panic.
"Relax," Spencer says. "Just lean back. I'm holding onto you." He readjusts his hold so that his fingers are lower, firmer.
Brendon wants to say something, but he doesn't know what will come out if he opens his mouth so he keeps his lips tightly closed. He keeps tilting backwards, enough now that he's completely off balance, and if Spencer lets go he's going to fall over and he doesn't know if he'd be able to catch himself. The ground feels like a really long ways down, and Spencer's hands are holding him, but not enough to stop him from tipping further back. Spencer's standing in front of him, and he must be bending forward with Brendon, but the angle is going to get impossible soon, and then he won't be able to stop Brendon from falling and Brendon's going to hit the ground.
Brendon wishes that he were holding onto Spencer. Like this he's just a dead weight. He's going to have to say something. He can't do this, he's going to hit the ground, and maybe Spencer doesn't realize how far back Brendon is, or maybe he still thinks that he'll be able to catch Brendon, but what if he can't? Brendon can't see and his body feels like it's floating in the air, the brief pause before impact, and he wants to say something, but if Spencer thinks that he'll be able to catch Brendon, maybe he can. Brendon stays quiet.
Spencer's hands tighten, and Brendon thinks that Spencer's going to pull him back up, but the momentum is wrong for that. Spencer lifts him and gives a little push and Brendon lands-- in the centre of the bed, and Jesus fucking Christ. His heart beats loudly, caught up somewhere in his throat.
He opens his mouth and starts to laugh, little hysterical giggles that take a long time to fade. They've got a high bed. Brendon couldn't have fallen very far, but it felt like it. It felt like he was leaning back for such a long time and now he's lying down and he can feel the mattress and it's okay, Spencer didn't drop him. He's on the bed. He feels giddy with relief, and smiles to himself, enjoying the rush.
"I didn't know if you'd let me do that," Spencer says. The mattress dips as Spencer climbs up as well.
"I didn't know either," Brendon says. He squirms against the comforter, savouring the sensation of lying down. His head is light but the bed is solid and he doesn't feel dizzy anymore. Or-- maybe he does feel dizzy, but it's not in a bad way.
"You're okay now?"
"Yeah, feeling good," Brendon says.
"Awesome. Let's get you sorted out." Spencer guides Brendon until he's lying way on the bed, his head resting on the pillows. After catching Brendon's mouth in a deep, wet kiss, Spencer pulls back. Brendon can feel the weight shift on the bed as Spencer stands up and his body tenses automatically.
"Are you getting something?" Brendon asks.
"No." Spencer's voice is close, but Brendon can't feel him anywhere.
"Where are you going?" he asks, rolling his foot to the side to see if it makes contact with Spencer. It doesn't.
"Just stay still," Spencer says. "I'm not going out of sight."
"I can't see you," Brendon says.
"No, but I can see you," Spencer answers, and Brendon is abruptly aware of being naked: he feel of the comforter against his bare skin, his hard cock lying against his belly. Spencer's still wearing all of his clothes as far as Brendon knows.
Brendon can hear the sound of footsteps and he holds his breath and listens carefully, trying to place where Spencer is standing in the room. Somewhere between the bed and the door, Brendon thinks.
As time passes, and Brendon's chest gets tighter and tighter. He was listening; he would have heard if Spencer had left. Spencer said that he wouldn't leave. Brendon's just lying on the bed, what does it matter if Spencer has left anyway? Not that he has left. It's just that he isn't making any noise and Brendon can't hear anything other than his own breathing and he can't see anything at all. Even though he knows it's futile, he keeps straining his eyes, trying to make out something, anything though the thick layers of the blindfold. But he can't.
He doesn't realize that his hands are moving until his fingertips brush against the fabric, trying to wiggle under the edge of the blindfold.
Spencer says, "What's wrong?" and rushes toward the bed before Brendon has time to finish moving his hands back down.
"Sorry," Brendon says. "I didn't mean to." He presses his palms to the bed.
"You didn't mean to what? Do you need me to take it off?" Spencer asks.
"No, it's okay," Brendon says. "Sorry. I don't want to stop. I was thinking about how I couldn't see and then I started reaching for it, but it was just an accident."
Spencer's hand flattens over Brendon's ribcage. "Are you sure?" he asks, rubbing his hand in a circle around Brendon's belly.
Brendon arches. "Yeah."
"I don't want you reaching for the blindfold unless it's a signal that you need to stop," Spencer says, pulling his hand away.
"Okay." Brendon hadn't meant to reach for the blindfold, but he's pretty sure he won't do it again. He thinks for a minute before offering, "You can tie me up. I'll just tell you if I want to stop."
"No."
"I'm not going to freak out. It's okay." He'd said that he didn't want that when they talked about trying this, but now Brendon thinks that it might be alright after all, like maybe he wouldn't worry so much if he knew he couldn't move anyway.
"I promised I wouldn't tie you up, and I'm not going to," Spencer says. "You can take the blindfold off anytime you want, but if you're not going to take it off, keep your hands away. Are you sure you're good to keep going?"
"I'm sure," Brendon says.
Spencer hand lifts away. Brendon puts his hands at his sides, tucking his thumbs under his hips as a reminder. He can hear Spencer moving again.
In the silence, Brendon's brain starts up again, but he manages to hold still, and by the time Spencer comes back to the bed, Brendon's just glad that something is finally going to happen. He hates waiting, hates being stuck in his own head while nothing happens, and Spencer is so slow sometimes.
The first touch of Spencer's fingers feels intense and just like that Brendon remembers why Spencer's slowness is always worth it.
Brendon jerks, surprised by the contact, before forcing himself into stillness. He's scared that Spencer is going to move away because he moved, but Spencer stays on the bed, his touch lingering as he traces his fingers down Brendon's calf. He strokes over Brendon's ankle bone and runs his fingers along the side of Brendon's foot. Brendon's toes twitch and Spencer cups his hand over Brendon's foot, a grounding pressure before he lets go completely.
"Roll over," Spencer says, "up onto your knees."
It feels awkward turning around, even though there's no reason for it. Brendon flips over without opening his eyes countless times every single night. He doesn't know it's so different now, but he feels clumsy and overly aware of his limbs.
He lies on his stomach for a breath and then pushes himself onto his hands and knees, freezing when Spencer pushes down, his hand in between Brendon's shoulder blades, and says, "Come on," his other hand rubbing up the inside of Brendon's thigh.
Brendon exhales harshly and lets Spencer's hands guide him. He folds his arms under his head and arches his back, pushing his ass up, and he is so fucking naked and Spencer can see everything.
He's disappointed when Spencer's hand leaves his back because he liked having the steady weight there, but he stays in position. Spencer's fingers are still on his inner thigh, trailing up and down with such a gentle touch that it almost tickles. Brendon feels his skin breaking into goosebumps and fights the urge to squirm. When Spencer's fingers brush over his balls, Brendon scrunches his eyes closed, though it makes no difference. Even if his eyes were open he wouldn't be able to see. Spencer can see everything and now his fingers are feathering so fucking lightly along Brendon's asscrack. Brendon clenches down on nothing, knowing that Spencer's going to be able to see that, too. He wishes Spencer's fingers would push inside.
"Are you going to fuck me?" Brendon asks, fighting embarrassment as he lifts his ass a little higher.
Spencer says, "Nope," and continues trailing his fingers over Brendon's skin. His touch is maddeningly light and Brendon bites hard into his lower lip, but it's even worse when Spencer moves his hand away entirely. Even if Spencer wasn't giving Brendon enough, any touch is better than none at all.
Brendon doesn't notice any movement on the bed: Spencer must still be there with him. Spencer probably hasn't moved at all, but Brendon can't feel him anymore, and he can't see anything and his ass is up in the air and Spencer isn't touching him anymore.
Brendon's voice wavers when he asks, "Spencer?" but it's worth it because Spencer says, "Yeah," and Brendon can hear how close he is. He's still on the bed. He hasn't moved away.
"What are you doing?" Brendon asks.
"Looking at you."
"You already know what I look like."
Spencer hums, but doesn't answer. He waits and Brendon waits with him, stays still so that Spencer can look. His thighs start to feel tight, and his lower back and his arms. He pushes his face into the pillow, but it doesn't help him feel less exposed. He thinks about Spencer looking at him and it makes his breathing go shallow because he likes the attention and Spencer fucking knows it. Spencer doesn't even have to touch him, and still Brendon's panting, fighting to keep from squirming around. He doesn't care about the blindfold because his eyes are squeezed shut anyway.
He thinks about how much he wishes Spencer would touch him and makes a noise, just quietly but he knows that Spencer will be able to hear it.
"Okay," Spencer murmurs, rubbing his hand over the curve of Brendon's ass, and Brendon is so happy to finally, finally, be touched.
Spencer pulls at his hip and Brendon rolls gracelessly. He bangs his knee into Spencer's thigh but all he wants is to be closer, to be touched. Spencer comes down when Brendon grabs for him, lands on top of Brendon and, fuck. Brendon tucks his ankles around the backs of Spencer's calves, feeling fabric against his bare skin.
"Spence, Spence, come on," Brendon says as he pulls desperately at Spencer's t-shirt, his fingers tugging uselessly at the fabric. Spencer rolls his hips and Brendon's cock rubs against the rough material of his jeans and it's so fucking good even though the friction hurts. Brendon spreads his legs wider and pushes off the bed, his hips jerking sharply.
He paws at Spencer's shirt because he wants it off but he can't quiet manage without being able to see. He wants to be able to feel Spencer's skin.
Spencer doesn't help him at first, hardly moving even though Brendon writhes beneath him. When he finally takes off his shirt, Brendon moans gratefully, his fingers slipping along bare skin. His hands are sweaty, but it's so fucking good to be able to touch Spencer, to have Spencer so close. Brendon makes another noise.
He doesn't let go when Spencer pulls away, he can't, he can't wait anymore. He can hear the rasp of fabric as Spencer pushes his jeans down before lowering his body again. His cock brushes against Brendon's. Brendon bucks up and his dick slides along soft skin and he can't breathe for how good it is. He feels completely overwhelmed with having Spencer here, Spencer's body covering his own and pushing him into the bed.
Brendon can't stop moving. He shudders when Spencer grinds down, trapping their cocks between their bodies. He feels Spencer's belly and thighs, their skin rubbing together, and even that is good, like every single part of him was waiting to be touched. He's shaking, sweating as he tries to rub up against Spencer.
He makes a frustrated sound, then groans loudly when Spencer responds by wrapping his hand around Brendon's cock. Brendon clings to Spencer's shoulders, mumbles, "Oh, fuck, fuck, Spencer, okay, please," before coming. His whole body curves up, but Spencer's right there, a heady weight on top of Brendon, and, fuck, Brendon can't stop shaking.
Spencer leaves one hand wrapped around Brendon's dick. Brendon feels like he could keep coming, but it's so much, too much, and he jerks. He doesn't want to get away but he has to move, has to make noise to let some of this out. Spencer rubs his thumb deliberately under the head of Brendon's cock, and Brendon's voice is hoarse when he cries out.
Finally Spencer lets go and moves off Brendon. Brendon takes an uneven breath before following after him, moving awkwardly on the bed because he's still wearing the blindfold, still can't see. He touches Spencer and tries to map out his skin to find Spencer's cock.
"I want to suck you," Brendon says, his hands searching.
Spencer's, "Yeah," comes out rough and then he threads his fingers in Brendon's hair and guides him down. Brendon goes clumsily and when Spencer's dick finally brushes against his chin, smearing wetly, Brendon opens his mouth.
He's still so sensitive in the aftermath that Spencer's fingers twisting in his hair feel sharper than usual. He notices the taste of Spencer's dick sliding along his tongue, pressing against the back of his throat, feels overwhelmed as he struggles to open his jaw wider. He's still short of breath, and he gags. He's drooling everywhere already, can feel spit sliding down his chin. Spencer's going to be able to see what a mess Brendon is making. Brendon gags again, but doesn't pull off. He moves fast and sloppy over Spencer's cock, anxious to make Spencer come, and Spencer matches it, his hand moving through Brendon's hair, scratching at the back of Brendon's head like he does when he wants Brendon to suck harder.
Spencer bucks and then Brendon tastes bitterness, Spencer's fingers tight in his hair, holding him down while Spencer comes. Brendon's eyes prickle as he holds his breath, sucking Spencer through it. He swallows when his mouth fills, has to swallow again because Spencer isn't done yet. Spencer's grip eases and Brendon works his way up slowly, cleaning Spencer off as he goes.
Brendon almost loses his balance when he sits back up, but he holds onto Spencer's thigh to steady himself. He can hear Spencer panting, and he hopes that Spencer's eyes are open, that Spencer's looking at him. Brendon's mouth feels raw and his face is wet and he's still wearing the blindfold, and some of the tension starts coiling in his belly again when he thinks of what he must look like to Spencer. He licks his lips.
Brendon's still in between Spencer's legs when Spencer starts sitting up the bed. Brendon can feel the movement of Spencer's body and he tries to shuffle out of the way, but Spencer stops him with a palm to Brendon's hip.
"So," Spencer says, dragging the word out. He huffs out something like a laugh and then hums to himself.
"Yeah," Brendon says.
Spencer taps his finger lightly over Brendon's cheekbone. "Maybe we'll take that off now," he says.
They move around the bed until Brendon's sitting and then Spencer starts undoing the bow.
"Close your eyes, okay?" Spencer asks as he unwinds the blindfold. "It's going to be really bright."
Brendon's head feels lighter when Spencer pulls the cloth away, even though it wasn't on that tightly. He starts opening his eyes and it is fucking bright. It takes him a while to open his eyes completely, and when he finally does, Spencer's right there, holding the blindfold in one hand as he stares at Brendon.
"Hey," Spencer says when they make eye contact. "How's it going?"
"Good," Brendon says, blinking slowly. It's weird because even though he doesn't want to put the blindfold on again, he kind of misses it. As he looks around the room, he feels a little less present in his body. He likes the way his body is feeling so he just looks at Spencer instead.
"Alright?" Spencer asks.
"Yeah," Brendon says. He blinks again and then wipes at his chin with the back of his hand. There's come smeared all over his stomach, but he leaves that alone. "How about you?"
"Umm, yeah," Spencer says.
Brendon says again, "Yeah," rubbing absentmindedly at his face as he and Spencer grin at each other. His skin still likes to be touched, so it's nice when Spencer reaches out and replaces Brendon's fingers with his own.
"I can get a cloth," Spencer offers.
"Just stay a bit," Brendon says. "I'll have a shower soon."
Spencer nods. He touches Brendon's lip with the tips of his fingers before cupping Brendon's cheek.
Brendon opens his mouth a little as he waits for Spencer to kiss him. Closes his eyes.
Brendon/Spencer | NC-17 | ~ 5500 words
Kink Bingo: Wildcard = Sensory Deprivation
Warnings for blindfolds (written in a potentially triggering way), established relationship, kink.
Huge, gigantic, enormous thanks to theaerosolkid who was a tremendous help while I wrote this. ♥
Author's note: It wasn't until after I was most of the way through writing this that I had the thought of oh, where did I even get this from? and realized that my subconscious had likely taken that scene in Tell Me To Stop by airgiodslv where Brendon says that he's afraid of blindfolds and latched on. (I mean, what, it's not canon that Brendon's afraid of blindfolds? ahahahaha) Jen said it's alright if I play around in her 'verse, so while this wasn't intentionally written as a sequel if you would like to read it as such, go right ahead! Either way, you should go read Tell Me To Stop because that story is amazing.
"Maybe I should get undressed first," Brendon says when Spencer picks up the blindfold.
"I can undress you," Spencer says.
Spencer holds the black cloth between his hands, and, "Right," Brendon says, staring. "Okay. But, I mean, might as well, right?"
"You don't have to be able to see for me to take off your clothes," Spencer says.
"Are you going to take off your clothes?" Brendon asks. His palms are sweating, but even though is fingers twitch, he resists the urge to rub his hands against his jeans.
"I don't know," Spencer says. "It's not going to make any difference to you."
"I guess," Brendon says. Spencer takes a little step forward, and Brendon has to stop himself from sinking back.
"Or I can just put this away," Spencer says, letting the cloth slide through one hand. It's still wrapped around his other palm and it dangles almost all the way down to the floor. "I can make popcorn and you can pick a movie and we can get stoned and prank call Shane."
Brendon takes a deep breath. "No, don't put it away. I want to do this."
"We can stop anytime."
"I know." Brendon scrubs his hand through his hair and laughs awkwardly. "It's not a big thing. I don't know what my problem is."
Spencer shrugs. His posture is relaxed, comfortable as he waits.
Brendon feels stupid but he knows that Spencer doesn't think he's stupid. He eyes the blindfold in Spencer's hand and tries to keep his breathing even. His heart is beating so fast already, and they haven't done anything. It's just the anticipation.
"Just-- give me a sec," he says. Spencer nods.
As they stand there, Brendon wishes that Spencer would just do something, but Spencer continues to wait. If Spencer came closer and started putting the blindfold on, Brendon wouldn't stop him. And then it would be done. Dragging it out like this is making Brendon more nervous, and it's his own damn fault but still he stands, and still Spencer waits.
The moment stretches on, and even though Spencer doesn't seem like he minds, Brendon's getting antsy. He wants to open his mouth, but he feels like his jaw is stuck. Brendon rubs his arm, the bare skin just under the sleeve of his t-shirt. It's late afternoon and still light outside. The room is bright and warm, and Spencer actually made the bed this morning, so the comforter is lying smooth and tidy.
"Do you want to take a break?" Spencer asks softly. "Try again in a little while?"
"I really want to do this with you," Brendon says. "Let's just, I'm ready, let's do it now."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
Spencer shuffles forward, and gives Brendon a dopey grin. Everything about this is so nonthreatening: their bright, familiar bedroom and Spencer's smile and, "It's dumb that I'm this scared," Brendon says.
"It's not dumb," Spencer says. "And we really don't have to do this."
"I want to," Brendon says. "I mean, I do want to try, I don't know if--"
"I'll put it on, and then I can take it off again, right away if you want," Spencer says. "And, like, you've got your hands, right? You can take it off whenever you want."
"Okay," Brendon says. They've talked about this and talked about this, but still it's reassuring to hear. "Yeah. That's true." He tips his face back and is surprised and relieved when Spencer leans down for a long kiss instead of reaching up with the blindfold.
Spencer kisses him thoroughly. He says, "I think this is going to be really hot. And I think you're going to like it, and if you don't we can figure out something else."
Brendon nods, closes his eyes when Spencer leans in for another kiss and keeps them closed even after Spencer pulls away. He wants to open them, wants to see, but he forces himself to breath slowly and wait.
He jerks a little when he feels something touch his face, just Spencer's fingertips at first, stroking gently over his cheekbone, but then it's the cloth and it's wrapping around his head and covering his eyes and Brendon can't breathe and, "Stop, stop," he blurts out, his hands flying to his face. "Shit."
"Okay," Spencer says, pulling the blindfold away quickly. "It's okay. You're okay." He lets the blindfold fall onto the ground and reaches for Brendon with both arms, pulling him in for a tight hug.
Brendon hugs back, but after the brief flash of relief fades, he starts to feel irritated with himself. He squeezes Spencer and then pulls away, saying, "Sorry, I'm sorry, I just panicked. I'm ready now. I want to try again."
"You're supposed to say something if you panic," Spencer says. "That's good."
Brendon bends over and picks up the blindfold, passing it back to Spencer. He says firmly, "I want to try again."
Spencer looks at Brendon for a long minute before nodding. "Just say if you need to stop."
He kisses Brendon again, slow and sweet and careful, stays close after their mouths part, and slides his lips up Brendon's cheek, brushing over Brendon's closed eyelids.
"You ready?" Spencer asks, pulling back enough to lifts his hands.
Brendon says, "Yeah."
He exhales steadily, catching the inside of his cheek between his teeth. He tracks the movement of Spencer's hands, watching as he sorts out the blindfold.
Before Spencer starts wrapping the cloth around his head, Brendon asks, "I'm going to touch you, okay?" He reaches forward and rests his hands on Spencer's sides, feeling the thin fabric of Spencer's t-shirt and the slight give of Spencer's belly.
"Okay," Spencer murmurs, and then covers Brendon's eyes with the cloth. He speaks softly as he works. "I'm going to wrap it around now, and again, and then pretty soon I'm going to ask you to open your eyes and see if it's dark enough or if I should wrap it some more. Okay, now, open your eyes. Is that okay?"
"It's dark," Brendon says. "I don't know."
"Are there any cracks of light?"
"A little bit at the bottom."
"I want to keep going until you can't see at all, but if you'd rather I leave it like this, that's okay."
"You can keep going," Brendon says. He flexes his fingers and feels Spencer's t-shirt shift. It still feels weird to have something wrapping around his head, but it's easier to keep grounded when he's touching Spencer.
"I'm going to tie it at the back," Spencer says after a pause. "Just a little bow so that it'll be easy to undo. Does that feel like it's on tight enough?"
Brendon moves his head up and down, and the blindfold stays firmly in place. "Yeah, it's on." Brendon can feel the cloth wrapped all the way around his head. He squishes up his face and the bottom edge of the blindfold brushes the tops of his cheeks. When he blinks, his eyelashes flutter against the fabric, and even with his eyes open, he can't see anything at all.
Spencer cups Brendon's face between his palms. "How are you feeling?" he asks.
"Okay," Brendon says. "I just want to stay still for a minute."
"Sure." Spencer strokes Brendon's face, slow circles with his thumbs while they wait. Brendon's heart never stops racing, but he gradually becomes less aware of the feeling of the cloth on his face and that helps a bit.
Brendon doesn't want to let go of Spencer, but they've been standing there for a long while now, and Brendon's starting to get curious about what Spencer is going to do next, which probably means that he's ready to get on with things. He loosens his fingers and then lets his hands fall away entirely.
Spencer continues holding his face, and they stand like that and breathe together. Eventually, Spencer drops another kiss onto Brendon's mouth. Brendon startles at first but kisses back eagerly after he identifies the touch.
Finally, Spencer lets go of Brendon's face and it's pitch black and Brendon can't see anything and even though he's not moving, he feels suddenly disoriented. He's standing in the centre of the room. The bed is to the right side. It's okay. The door is at the far left corner.
He knows this room, but as he stands here he feels wildly lost.
"Spencer?" Brendon asks.
"I'm right here," Spencer says. He's still standing right in front of Brendon, and Brendon knew that, he did, there weren't any sounds so of course Spencer hadn't walked away, but still hearing Spencer's voice is reassuring.
"Don't leave me," Brendon says.
"I'm not going to," Spencer says. "I promise."
Brendon nods.
When Spencer's fingers start lifting the bottom of Brendon's t-shirt, Brendon is grateful for the point of contact. He raises his arms and Spencer pulls off the shirt and then Brendon can feel the touch of Spencer's hands unbuttoning his jeans. Not being able to see makes Brendon aware of how it feels when his clothes come off, and as Spencer slowly strips Brendon's pants, Brendon skin feels naked. The air is a little cooler and Brendon's nipples pull tight. Spencer's hands move to Brendon's briefs, and Brendon doesn't know how long he's been hard for, but he's definitely hard now.
He can feel the little twitch his erection gives when Spencer eases it out of the briefs, and he knows that Spencer will be able to see that. Spencer can see, and now Brendon's standing naked and Spencer will be able to look at him, and Brendon doesn't even know where Spencer is right now except for the vague sense of somewhere in front of him. Taking a deep breath doesn't help to calm the way his head is spinning, and Spencer's hands don't come back after removing Brendon's briefs. Brendon misses the contact. He doesn't know if Spencer is within reach, if he'd be able to touch Spencer if he lifted his hands. He doesn't know if he would be able to find his way over to the bed, not without bumping into something along the way. He feels completely helpless as he waits for Spencer to touch him again, and given how scared he is, he doesn't know how he's also stupidly turned on, but somehow his cock is throbbing.
Brendon doesn't realize that he has zoned out until Spencer starts talking and he has to pay attention again. Spencer asks, "You still okay? Ready to go to the bed now?"
"I don't know where the bed is," Brendon says dumbly.
"I'll take you over, if you're ready." Spencer says, "It sounds like you're freaking out a little bit," and Brendon is, but when Spencer's hand lands on his hip, squeezing firmly, Brendon starts to calm.
"Not too bad," Brendon says.
"What are you worried about?"
"I don't know," Brendon says. "You're not going to go anywhere, right?"
"Nope," Spencer says. Brendon can hear movement and then Spencer presses himself up against Brendon's back, wrapping his arms around Brendon's waist. He drops his head to rest his chin on Brendon's shoulder and says, "I'm right here."
Brendon melts back, tilting his head to the side to make more room for Spencer. He lets Spencer hold him up and finally feels less dizzy. Spencer's clothes brush along his bare skin: the backs of his calves and his ass and his upper back and around his torso, and then Spencer's skin against his skin where Spencer presses his palms to Brendon's belly. Brendon covers Spencer's hands with his own.
"We're going to walk now, okay?" Spencer asks. "Right here with me, come on." Spencer starts moving forward and Brendon shuffles with him.
The room's not that big, but Brendon keeps thinking that they'll reach the bed and they never do and they never do until finally Spencer tightens his arms, bringing them to a stop.
"Put out your foot slowly," Spencer says. "Can you feel?"
Brendon's toes brush against the bed curtain and he nods.
"I would really like it if you turned around and let me do this, but if you want to you climb onto the bed on your own. It's right there if you want to do it yourself." Spencer's beard brushes against Brendon's neck while he talks.
Brendon chews on the inside of his cheek while he thinks, but ends up turning around. He faces Spencer, and lifts his head enough that he would be looking Spencer in the eye if not for the blindfold.
"You are so fucking hot," Spencer says. "Your face is so expressive right now. Even though I can't see your eyes, I don't know."
"What do I look like?"
"Open. Scared, turned on. Really fucking hot," Spencer says.
"That's about right then," Brendon says, wanting to duck his head but forcing himself not to. "I don't know what you're going to do."
"You know just as much as you ever do," Spencer says. "Maybe even more, 'cause I already said I'm not going to tie you up or do anything that hurts. I'm just going to blindfold you: check, and then touch you: still in progress."
"I guess," Brendon says. "It feels like-- more than that."
"Well, good," Spencer says.
"Is it more for you, too?" Brendon asks. "Is this okay?"
"Yeah, you're doing real good, Brendon," Spencer says.
"I keep feeling like I'm just about to panic, but then I don't."
Spencer brushes his thumb down the side of Brendon's neck and says, "If you ever do, just say something."
"I will," Brendon says.
"I'm going to move you around now, and I think it's going to make you nervous, but I promise I'm not going to let anything bad happen."
Brendon nods, and at the urging of Spencer's hands, he walks around in a slow circle. Spencer's hands aren't firm, but they're almost always in contact with some part of Brendon, pulling him forward and moving him to the side and encouraging him to spin around, and Brendon's moving slowly but still his head starts spinning.
"Still remember where the bed is?" Spencer asks.
"No," Brendon says, and when Spencer's hands move away, he's standing in the bedroom with absolutely no idea where he is. He can't feel anything touching his legs, has no idea how far Spencer has moved him, or what he's facing, or where Spencer is now that he's not touching Brendon. He feels like he's completely alone but he knows that Spencer is right there, wherever right there may be. Brendon clenches his jaw tightly shut and waits quietly.
"I'm still here," Spencer says, just before Brendon is about to open his mouth and check in. "I'm right here, nothing's going to happen."
"I can't see anything," Brendon says.
"No," Spencer agrees. "But you can feel this." He presses his palms to Brendon's torso, just under his ribcage.
"Yeah," Brendon says.
"And you trust me."
"I trust you," says Brendon.
"Lean back," Spencer says. "I've got you."
It's completely black and Brendon doesn't know where he is in the bedroom, and Spencer's hands aren't that firm around his waist, but he forces himself to lean backwards, biting on his tongue to fight the panic.
"Relax," Spencer says. "Just lean back. I'm holding onto you." He readjusts his hold so that his fingers are lower, firmer.
Brendon wants to say something, but he doesn't know what will come out if he opens his mouth so he keeps his lips tightly closed. He keeps tilting backwards, enough now that he's completely off balance, and if Spencer lets go he's going to fall over and he doesn't know if he'd be able to catch himself. The ground feels like a really long ways down, and Spencer's hands are holding him, but not enough to stop him from tipping further back. Spencer's standing in front of him, and he must be bending forward with Brendon, but the angle is going to get impossible soon, and then he won't be able to stop Brendon from falling and Brendon's going to hit the ground.
Brendon wishes that he were holding onto Spencer. Like this he's just a dead weight. He's going to have to say something. He can't do this, he's going to hit the ground, and maybe Spencer doesn't realize how far back Brendon is, or maybe he still thinks that he'll be able to catch Brendon, but what if he can't? Brendon can't see and his body feels like it's floating in the air, the brief pause before impact, and he wants to say something, but if Spencer thinks that he'll be able to catch Brendon, maybe he can. Brendon stays quiet.
Spencer's hands tighten, and Brendon thinks that Spencer's going to pull him back up, but the momentum is wrong for that. Spencer lifts him and gives a little push and Brendon lands-- in the centre of the bed, and Jesus fucking Christ. His heart beats loudly, caught up somewhere in his throat.
He opens his mouth and starts to laugh, little hysterical giggles that take a long time to fade. They've got a high bed. Brendon couldn't have fallen very far, but it felt like it. It felt like he was leaning back for such a long time and now he's lying down and he can feel the mattress and it's okay, Spencer didn't drop him. He's on the bed. He feels giddy with relief, and smiles to himself, enjoying the rush.
"I didn't know if you'd let me do that," Spencer says. The mattress dips as Spencer climbs up as well.
"I didn't know either," Brendon says. He squirms against the comforter, savouring the sensation of lying down. His head is light but the bed is solid and he doesn't feel dizzy anymore. Or-- maybe he does feel dizzy, but it's not in a bad way.
"You're okay now?"
"Yeah, feeling good," Brendon says.
"Awesome. Let's get you sorted out." Spencer guides Brendon until he's lying way on the bed, his head resting on the pillows. After catching Brendon's mouth in a deep, wet kiss, Spencer pulls back. Brendon can feel the weight shift on the bed as Spencer stands up and his body tenses automatically.
"Are you getting something?" Brendon asks.
"No." Spencer's voice is close, but Brendon can't feel him anywhere.
"Where are you going?" he asks, rolling his foot to the side to see if it makes contact with Spencer. It doesn't.
"Just stay still," Spencer says. "I'm not going out of sight."
"I can't see you," Brendon says.
"No, but I can see you," Spencer answers, and Brendon is abruptly aware of being naked: he feel of the comforter against his bare skin, his hard cock lying against his belly. Spencer's still wearing all of his clothes as far as Brendon knows.
Brendon can hear the sound of footsteps and he holds his breath and listens carefully, trying to place where Spencer is standing in the room. Somewhere between the bed and the door, Brendon thinks.
As time passes, and Brendon's chest gets tighter and tighter. He was listening; he would have heard if Spencer had left. Spencer said that he wouldn't leave. Brendon's just lying on the bed, what does it matter if Spencer has left anyway? Not that he has left. It's just that he isn't making any noise and Brendon can't hear anything other than his own breathing and he can't see anything at all. Even though he knows it's futile, he keeps straining his eyes, trying to make out something, anything though the thick layers of the blindfold. But he can't.
He doesn't realize that his hands are moving until his fingertips brush against the fabric, trying to wiggle under the edge of the blindfold.
Spencer says, "What's wrong?" and rushes toward the bed before Brendon has time to finish moving his hands back down.
"Sorry," Brendon says. "I didn't mean to." He presses his palms to the bed.
"You didn't mean to what? Do you need me to take it off?" Spencer asks.
"No, it's okay," Brendon says. "Sorry. I don't want to stop. I was thinking about how I couldn't see and then I started reaching for it, but it was just an accident."
Spencer's hand flattens over Brendon's ribcage. "Are you sure?" he asks, rubbing his hand in a circle around Brendon's belly.
Brendon arches. "Yeah."
"I don't want you reaching for the blindfold unless it's a signal that you need to stop," Spencer says, pulling his hand away.
"Okay." Brendon hadn't meant to reach for the blindfold, but he's pretty sure he won't do it again. He thinks for a minute before offering, "You can tie me up. I'll just tell you if I want to stop."
"No."
"I'm not going to freak out. It's okay." He'd said that he didn't want that when they talked about trying this, but now Brendon thinks that it might be alright after all, like maybe he wouldn't worry so much if he knew he couldn't move anyway.
"I promised I wouldn't tie you up, and I'm not going to," Spencer says. "You can take the blindfold off anytime you want, but if you're not going to take it off, keep your hands away. Are you sure you're good to keep going?"
"I'm sure," Brendon says.
Spencer hand lifts away. Brendon puts his hands at his sides, tucking his thumbs under his hips as a reminder. He can hear Spencer moving again.
In the silence, Brendon's brain starts up again, but he manages to hold still, and by the time Spencer comes back to the bed, Brendon's just glad that something is finally going to happen. He hates waiting, hates being stuck in his own head while nothing happens, and Spencer is so slow sometimes.
The first touch of Spencer's fingers feels intense and just like that Brendon remembers why Spencer's slowness is always worth it.
Brendon jerks, surprised by the contact, before forcing himself into stillness. He's scared that Spencer is going to move away because he moved, but Spencer stays on the bed, his touch lingering as he traces his fingers down Brendon's calf. He strokes over Brendon's ankle bone and runs his fingers along the side of Brendon's foot. Brendon's toes twitch and Spencer cups his hand over Brendon's foot, a grounding pressure before he lets go completely.
"Roll over," Spencer says, "up onto your knees."
It feels awkward turning around, even though there's no reason for it. Brendon flips over without opening his eyes countless times every single night. He doesn't know it's so different now, but he feels clumsy and overly aware of his limbs.
He lies on his stomach for a breath and then pushes himself onto his hands and knees, freezing when Spencer pushes down, his hand in between Brendon's shoulder blades, and says, "Come on," his other hand rubbing up the inside of Brendon's thigh.
Brendon exhales harshly and lets Spencer's hands guide him. He folds his arms under his head and arches his back, pushing his ass up, and he is so fucking naked and Spencer can see everything.
He's disappointed when Spencer's hand leaves his back because he liked having the steady weight there, but he stays in position. Spencer's fingers are still on his inner thigh, trailing up and down with such a gentle touch that it almost tickles. Brendon feels his skin breaking into goosebumps and fights the urge to squirm. When Spencer's fingers brush over his balls, Brendon scrunches his eyes closed, though it makes no difference. Even if his eyes were open he wouldn't be able to see. Spencer can see everything and now his fingers are feathering so fucking lightly along Brendon's asscrack. Brendon clenches down on nothing, knowing that Spencer's going to be able to see that, too. He wishes Spencer's fingers would push inside.
"Are you going to fuck me?" Brendon asks, fighting embarrassment as he lifts his ass a little higher.
Spencer says, "Nope," and continues trailing his fingers over Brendon's skin. His touch is maddeningly light and Brendon bites hard into his lower lip, but it's even worse when Spencer moves his hand away entirely. Even if Spencer wasn't giving Brendon enough, any touch is better than none at all.
Brendon doesn't notice any movement on the bed: Spencer must still be there with him. Spencer probably hasn't moved at all, but Brendon can't feel him anymore, and he can't see anything and his ass is up in the air and Spencer isn't touching him anymore.
Brendon's voice wavers when he asks, "Spencer?" but it's worth it because Spencer says, "Yeah," and Brendon can hear how close he is. He's still on the bed. He hasn't moved away.
"What are you doing?" Brendon asks.
"Looking at you."
"You already know what I look like."
Spencer hums, but doesn't answer. He waits and Brendon waits with him, stays still so that Spencer can look. His thighs start to feel tight, and his lower back and his arms. He pushes his face into the pillow, but it doesn't help him feel less exposed. He thinks about Spencer looking at him and it makes his breathing go shallow because he likes the attention and Spencer fucking knows it. Spencer doesn't even have to touch him, and still Brendon's panting, fighting to keep from squirming around. He doesn't care about the blindfold because his eyes are squeezed shut anyway.
He thinks about how much he wishes Spencer would touch him and makes a noise, just quietly but he knows that Spencer will be able to hear it.
"Okay," Spencer murmurs, rubbing his hand over the curve of Brendon's ass, and Brendon is so happy to finally, finally, be touched.
Spencer pulls at his hip and Brendon rolls gracelessly. He bangs his knee into Spencer's thigh but all he wants is to be closer, to be touched. Spencer comes down when Brendon grabs for him, lands on top of Brendon and, fuck. Brendon tucks his ankles around the backs of Spencer's calves, feeling fabric against his bare skin.
"Spence, Spence, come on," Brendon says as he pulls desperately at Spencer's t-shirt, his fingers tugging uselessly at the fabric. Spencer rolls his hips and Brendon's cock rubs against the rough material of his jeans and it's so fucking good even though the friction hurts. Brendon spreads his legs wider and pushes off the bed, his hips jerking sharply.
He paws at Spencer's shirt because he wants it off but he can't quiet manage without being able to see. He wants to be able to feel Spencer's skin.
Spencer doesn't help him at first, hardly moving even though Brendon writhes beneath him. When he finally takes off his shirt, Brendon moans gratefully, his fingers slipping along bare skin. His hands are sweaty, but it's so fucking good to be able to touch Spencer, to have Spencer so close. Brendon makes another noise.
He doesn't let go when Spencer pulls away, he can't, he can't wait anymore. He can hear the rasp of fabric as Spencer pushes his jeans down before lowering his body again. His cock brushes against Brendon's. Brendon bucks up and his dick slides along soft skin and he can't breathe for how good it is. He feels completely overwhelmed with having Spencer here, Spencer's body covering his own and pushing him into the bed.
Brendon can't stop moving. He shudders when Spencer grinds down, trapping their cocks between their bodies. He feels Spencer's belly and thighs, their skin rubbing together, and even that is good, like every single part of him was waiting to be touched. He's shaking, sweating as he tries to rub up against Spencer.
He makes a frustrated sound, then groans loudly when Spencer responds by wrapping his hand around Brendon's cock. Brendon clings to Spencer's shoulders, mumbles, "Oh, fuck, fuck, Spencer, okay, please," before coming. His whole body curves up, but Spencer's right there, a heady weight on top of Brendon, and, fuck, Brendon can't stop shaking.
Spencer leaves one hand wrapped around Brendon's dick. Brendon feels like he could keep coming, but it's so much, too much, and he jerks. He doesn't want to get away but he has to move, has to make noise to let some of this out. Spencer rubs his thumb deliberately under the head of Brendon's cock, and Brendon's voice is hoarse when he cries out.
Finally Spencer lets go and moves off Brendon. Brendon takes an uneven breath before following after him, moving awkwardly on the bed because he's still wearing the blindfold, still can't see. He touches Spencer and tries to map out his skin to find Spencer's cock.
"I want to suck you," Brendon says, his hands searching.
Spencer's, "Yeah," comes out rough and then he threads his fingers in Brendon's hair and guides him down. Brendon goes clumsily and when Spencer's dick finally brushes against his chin, smearing wetly, Brendon opens his mouth.
He's still so sensitive in the aftermath that Spencer's fingers twisting in his hair feel sharper than usual. He notices the taste of Spencer's dick sliding along his tongue, pressing against the back of his throat, feels overwhelmed as he struggles to open his jaw wider. He's still short of breath, and he gags. He's drooling everywhere already, can feel spit sliding down his chin. Spencer's going to be able to see what a mess Brendon is making. Brendon gags again, but doesn't pull off. He moves fast and sloppy over Spencer's cock, anxious to make Spencer come, and Spencer matches it, his hand moving through Brendon's hair, scratching at the back of Brendon's head like he does when he wants Brendon to suck harder.
Spencer bucks and then Brendon tastes bitterness, Spencer's fingers tight in his hair, holding him down while Spencer comes. Brendon's eyes prickle as he holds his breath, sucking Spencer through it. He swallows when his mouth fills, has to swallow again because Spencer isn't done yet. Spencer's grip eases and Brendon works his way up slowly, cleaning Spencer off as he goes.
Brendon almost loses his balance when he sits back up, but he holds onto Spencer's thigh to steady himself. He can hear Spencer panting, and he hopes that Spencer's eyes are open, that Spencer's looking at him. Brendon's mouth feels raw and his face is wet and he's still wearing the blindfold, and some of the tension starts coiling in his belly again when he thinks of what he must look like to Spencer. He licks his lips.
Brendon's still in between Spencer's legs when Spencer starts sitting up the bed. Brendon can feel the movement of Spencer's body and he tries to shuffle out of the way, but Spencer stops him with a palm to Brendon's hip.
"So," Spencer says, dragging the word out. He huffs out something like a laugh and then hums to himself.
"Yeah," Brendon says.
Spencer taps his finger lightly over Brendon's cheekbone. "Maybe we'll take that off now," he says.
They move around the bed until Brendon's sitting and then Spencer starts undoing the bow.
"Close your eyes, okay?" Spencer asks as he unwinds the blindfold. "It's going to be really bright."
Brendon's head feels lighter when Spencer pulls the cloth away, even though it wasn't on that tightly. He starts opening his eyes and it is fucking bright. It takes him a while to open his eyes completely, and when he finally does, Spencer's right there, holding the blindfold in one hand as he stares at Brendon.
"Hey," Spencer says when they make eye contact. "How's it going?"
"Good," Brendon says, blinking slowly. It's weird because even though he doesn't want to put the blindfold on again, he kind of misses it. As he looks around the room, he feels a little less present in his body. He likes the way his body is feeling so he just looks at Spencer instead.
"Alright?" Spencer asks.
"Yeah," Brendon says. He blinks again and then wipes at his chin with the back of his hand. There's come smeared all over his stomach, but he leaves that alone. "How about you?"
"Umm, yeah," Spencer says.
Brendon says again, "Yeah," rubbing absentmindedly at his face as he and Spencer grin at each other. His skin still likes to be touched, so it's nice when Spencer reaches out and replaces Brendon's fingers with his own.
"I can get a cloth," Spencer offers.
"Just stay a bit," Brendon says. "I'll have a shower soon."
Spencer nods. He touches Brendon's lip with the tips of his fingers before cupping Brendon's cheek.
Brendon opens his mouth a little as he waits for Spencer to kiss him. Closes his eyes.