I hate my parents so much.
I haven't written in my livejournal in a really long time and I'm in tears while I'm writing this entry. Usually I plan what I'm writing beforehand but I really need to get a whole lot of shit out of my system. I don't have anyone to talk to about my problems. Yeah, I've got friends but no one that I'm close enough to talk to about this stuff. I have serious problems with opening to myself, let alone anyone else. I even have a psychologist, but I'm being forced to see her and she's a really weird woman who I wouldn't want knowing everything that was strange about me. My surface problems are quite enough.
I just walked upstairs to ask when dinner was, I was severely hungry but now I feel so sick I don't think I could eat a thing. My parents told me that my dad's work contract won't be renewed past april and we're probably have to going to move again, perhaps to Sydney but most likely back to Canberra. I feel so angry at the moment. It was hard enough fucking moving to Brisbane where I didn't know anyone or anything about the city. I hate them for making me move here in the first place. My teen years have been ruined, I've fucking screwed everything up. Drugs, sex, fucking all of it. FUCK. But now I'm happy. Ish, anyway. I love my job, the people are great and I've made some great friends. I've gotten past all my mistakes and I'm back in school in an attempt to sort out everything I've ruined in the last 18 months and it's about to all go down the shithole. I don't talk to anyone in Canberra anymore, except for Anna and we were really good friends, but our social groups didn't get along so we never spent time together outside of school. I've already told Blair that I can't stand her and I think that she's a repulsive self centered bitch so being in the same city as her is going to be painful.
Canberra has nothing on what it'll be like if I move to Sydney. I don't know ANYONE there. I hardly know the city at all. It'll be like Brisbane all over again, I just know it and I HATE IT. FOR FUCKS SAKE. I have no option but to move with my parents because if I want any attept at doing this school shit I couldn't afford to live out of home. I'm having enough problems motivating myself to get this schoolwork done with them harrassing me all the time, if I had the option to sit around and get drunk all the time I would and thern everything would be ruined again. I've already vowed that if I don't get past it this time I'm going to have to do something serious with my life. I couldn't stand being some retarded uneducated McDonalds loser for the rest of my life. I'm young enough for it to be acceptable but in 10 years I'll be one of the people that repulse me to no end. I'm seeing this psychologist in a hope of helping me past my problems but I don't kow how it will work out. I'm trying to be hopeful. I just want to be all over so I can fucking over so I can get to the US. I know I'll be happy there. Everything will be perfect for the month or so that I can afford to stay.
I had so much little shit built in up in me, but it all seems so insignificant now. It's funny, I always look back on my actions two weeks ago and think about how immature I was...