Hello everyone. My name is Hannah and I'm an alcoholic.
And when the almighty lord God came down from the heavens the people cheered. He could not be seen but the people could feel him, over the crowd. An almighty hand reached down from the heavens above, finger outstreched to the one called Hannah in the crowd. In a voice as gentle as a baby, but as strong as a storm he said, "Thy sux," And Hannah's loved ones fell to the ground in disgrace, but she remained standing, slightly dejected. Opening her mouth to make one small statement, she simply spoke, ");". And it was good.
Hmm. Been about the month or more since I last updated. I'm not sure why I don't update my journal, it's not like I'm not online at least once a day. I guess it's just a laziness thing. I don't really think about it when I'm online, but every day when I'm on the bus to go to work I sit and think to myself about what I should write in my LJ that night. Anyway. I came on here to try and let a load off my shoulders by typing about everything that I've been carrying on my shoulders the last few months. Prepare for tears, prepare for laughter, prepare to put on Solitaire for amusement.
Last night I dreamt that I met a beautiful woman...
Last time I wrote I think I was just starting my new job at Night Owl. That went fine for a while, but soon the guy who got me the job, my friend Peddie, started being a complete ass. Something about the fact that he was a manager made him think that treating me like a piece of shit was all good. Fuck I just wanted to scream it into his face that he was just a fat, stupid, black moron who was only sleeping with a fat, stupid, brown curry muncher for money and that he really had nothing going for him. The other people who worked there started to get pissed off because of the quite obvious favouritism. Then we got a letter from City Council stating that the Chermside store that Shivani owned wasn't legally allowed to be open 24hours and Night Owl Head Office were fucking around with getting the Wooloongabba store open and if it wasn't open by the first week of December Shivani wasn't going to go through with it and she was just going to sue Night Owl Head Office for the money she put into it. I never stayed around long enough to find out if the store opened. I got my 1 week notice and left, but not without going on the net and scouting down my award, reading through the whole goddamned thing. I highlighted all the parts that Shivani was doing incorrectly or illegally and passed them around to all the other staff and gave a copy to Shivani. I ende dup getting about $300 backpay. One guy, Cleve, who resigned because it was so crap ended up having to take her to Small Claims and got back about $1500. It felt good.
When I woke up I found that I was running late for work...
What didn't feel good was having to go crawling back to McDonalds. My mood has gone from bad to incredibly nasty. It felt weird being back at Maccas at first but all is as it should be now. A few weeks ago I had a blew with a customer. Me being one of the store's best workers didn't get in trouble but it was enough to get MJ to notice the fact that I'd been complaining about working on front counter for the last 6 months. I was trained out the back, but only because at 2am on a quiet morning I would go out the back and make Aaron teach me how to cook burgers. After the fight I had with the customer I just wrote in the diary 'HANNAH - NO FRONT COUNTER SHIFTS EVER. EVER!!!!' It seemed to work. I worked back area all last week and it was great! Only one thing....
I wanted to go back to sleep and keep on dreaming...
I quit eating, smoking and had PMS all in the same week. I started a diet called Herbalife. It's ok. Basically it's just two meal replacement shakes a day, which are packed with all the vitamins and minerals I need, this goddamned herbal tea which tastes like shit but it's supposed to increase my metabolism and help with my immune system. I have to drink lots and lots of water, about 3 litres a day and then I get one balanced meal a day. I've been buying Lean Quisines and having those. The first week of the diet hasn't been great, I've been really tired and almost no energy. And this is more than usual. Insaneness... I quit smoking... That was hard. On the second day I burst into tears for no reason at work, it was very embarrassing. And PMS on top of that has not brought on a good week. I fought with two people who mean a lot to me... Danielle and Andrew...
For just a moment I wished that I was dead...
Danielle has been my friend for a while... We met on Furcadia and we're two such completely different people, but so very the same in a lot of ways. We argued over something that was completely my fault... But it isn't my fault that she is holding it against me... I don't know what to do. I was so upset about it at the time but for the most part I'm over it. Skitz has a quote about friends being like grains of sands, dirt... I always liked that quote. It really made me think and I tend to live by it. I rarely ever let people into the secret world of Hannah. Most of my friends, should they ever sit down and think about it, will realise that they know almost nothing about me. Nothing about who I am, or what I'm all about. The only people who ever got a glimpse were my partners, and after people find out about who I really am I tend to push them away. I wish I didn't. I wish I had better people skills than I do... But at the same time I know that the people that I do let close to me a true friends because they've put up with all the crap I give strangers first. Maja is a good example.. We didn't think much of eachother when we first met, she was my crew trainer at McDees... Now we're really good friends, we have the same opinions about a lot of things and I just love the way Maja is so innocent about a lot of things. She's never judged me. She was the only person at McDs that I told about the abortion and she told me simply 'I would do the same thing if I fell pregnant now' and it was like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. Maja has a way of doing that... But Maja and I are still fast friends, even though we don't get to see eachother often. The person who I am so truly upset about losing at the moment is Andrew... I'm going to write the truth about this, because I'm for the most part positive he doesn't read my LJ. I met Andrew on Furcadia... I hate Furcadia.. I hate it with a passion, it's like a cocaine addiction that I hate and love all at the same time. For the most part I don't like anyone on Furc, but every now and then you meet a kindred soul who hates Furc but can't shake it... (<3Seri, Curtis, etc...) Andrew is different. He knows very little about the game. He doesn't know who made it and he doesn't care. He doesn't think a lot of the game... I didn't think a lot of him when we first met online. I spoke to him on the phone and his voice and mannerisms reminded me so much of Ricky that I was scared away for weeks. But after a while I started to speak to him again and I gre to like him. First as a friend and then as more. I have to state right here that this freaked me out to no end because like hell I'm ever having an internet relationship. I ha done once and nearly tried to killed myself I was so depressed with how low it was. Then again I even it all out by the fact that he lives in Sydney and I had every intention of going down there to see him and my family early next door... Anyway, Andrew became quite important to me. Probably one of the soul reasons I went on the internet was to talk to him. I loved him because he still liked me even though we're so completely different. I'm a corrupt teenage loser and he's and on track, and somewhat older. I fell for someone online and I am ashamed to no end. But it all ended when I was in a particularly foul mood and I was nasty to one of his retarded friends.. If that was one thing about Andrew... His friends. I did not like any of them. I usually made the effort to be nice for him though... I was in no mood at that time. Anyway... As a result he became incredibly pissed off at me. My mood was no better and I was nasty back. I wish I hadn't said that stuff but it's too late now. I sent him my apologies but I've probably lost his friendship and anything else forever... I'll get over it in time.. But it still upsets me. I have something nice planned though, but I don't want to jinx it. It may or may not work, but by god I hope it does.
So I could dream forever... And ever...