Pointless Post but Please Read
Alright, this post is kind of pointless, but I am currently writing an original story and I really want to see people's opinions of this little excerpt. It's currently untitled and I'd really like some feedback. Anyway the excerpt is below, please read and let me know what you think.
Amelia awoke in the hospital to the sounds of beeps and whirs, causing her to become dazed and confused. She couldn’t remember what had happened but her first instinct was to protect Baby, her hands travelling down to her stomach trying to feel the baby’s movements. Her eyes widened in alarm when she couldn’t feel the normal flurry of movement that had been a constant in the last few weeks. She looked around the room for any sign of another heart machine and when she couldn’t find one became increasingly worried. She started to panic and hyperventilate causing some of the machines she was hooked up to, to go off. A barrage of nurses and doctors filled the room, trying desperately to keep her calm.
“The baby,” she rasped out to the room fulll of medical staff, “The baby, please check the baby.”
The doctors and nurses ignored her for the moment, focusing on getting her breathing and heart rate back under control first. Finally after what seemed like hours but were only mere minutes Amelia’s breathing and heart rate were stable again and all the doctors and nurses left but one. The doctor spoke quietly to Amelia.
“Mrs. Jones, your husband Detective Jones is outside in the waiting room, would you like to see him?” the doctor asked, as she looked at Amelia’s charts.
“Yes please,” Amelia managed her throat tight as she thought about the possibility of losing her baby.
“Alright I’ll send him in. While I’m doing that I’ll get a sonogram machine up here to take a look at your baby,” the doctor pronounced, as she walked out of the room.
A few minutes later Caleb walked into the room, his expression unreadable. He looked at Amelia, taking in all the tubes and wires before rushing to her side and taking hold of her hand. He sat on the edge of the bed, one hand wrapped tightly around hers, the other running through her hair and caressing her cheek. Amelia looked up at him, the dam breaking inside of her as she broke down in front of him. Tears flowed freely from her eyes, over her pale cheeks as he held her close, providing what comfort he could.
“I can’t feel Baby,” Amelia gasped out, “I can’t feel Baby kicking, she’s completely still,” Amelia sobbed, burying her face in Caleb’s shoulder. Caleb froze for a second before resting a hand on Amelia’s swollen stomach, trying desperately to tell himself he could feel a heartbeat but alas he couldn’t.
Alright now that you've read the little excerpt here's some more randomness.
So has anyone had the problem where they have all (by that I mean 2), these assignments that need to be done but just can't seem to get going? It's like they're just so resistent to being done, like they want you to fail! I mean obviously they don't have a mind of their own but still. And isn't even harder when they're due on the same day, so there's no real way to focus one and then do the other?
So far I've got a 1200 word Legal Studies Assignment, assessing three different crimes against a person, which I've not started and is due 7th of May. I've only got just over 100 words on it so I'm screwed. My second assignment is for Health: An Analysis of My Diet which is a freakin' research report that I have no idea how to do and is only 800-1,000 words but because I'm bad I only have 200 or so words...Ahh...I guess that means I should stop procrastinating. If anyone wants to do them for me...it'd be greatly appreciated....lol.
Oh and finally! I had an audition today for a part in a play! The productions called, Advanced Screening: Y Luv. It's basically a play about love in the Y generation. There are ten lead roles, but two require an instrument and since I can't play anything besides a triangle, tamborine or maracas, I'm only up for eight roles. On the plus side though, there are 20 screen extras I can go for! :) So I find out on Wednesday and I only just realised, I'm going to be training my girls so if I get a call I'm going to be too excited to finish training! Haha.
So this is the end of this post. I don't think I've got anything else to say. Please let me know what you think of the excerpt, thanks. :)