One day at a time..
One day at a time, sweet Jesus...
Hey there,
Its been another long gap since ive been on a sort of hiatus. Funny. Now i find myself typing when its 3.45 am....
So far i find myself staring far and deep into the future. I wonder how would have things been if i came from a family which was in tact, had money and wanted to see me go overseas for further education...
I wonder what would it be like if i had been in a family that would actually plan a future for me so that my head need not think too much.
To be real honest, I realize that I'm mentally and emotionally distressed by all of these thoughts. Its not just the thoughts that bug me. But rather the alternate plans and solutions i try my best to think of..
Most of my college mates have opened a new chapter in their life. Whether it be a more bustling life in the city of KL, or even at the lush green and bustling cities of Australia, they are definitely embarking upon a new stage and era in their life.
"Those shoes will trample on many rocks and asphalt before they come home again," just a saying i always think to myself when i see my friends off at the airport.
Gone are the days of waking up 45 minutes before class and going into your car just to drive to this little building and walk in to meet the people who you are studying with, have lunch with them, talk, laugh, joke, and then head home just to wait for another similar day..
I know i have wasted my college life with June being the center of my life. As cruel or sad as people may think of me just for saying this, I feel rather compelled to say it. Simply because things did not work out and I know it is mostly my fault in a way... Had i not been so foolish and immature just thinking about falling in love and finding a girlfriend, i would not have messed things up.
I probably would know what is the feeling of having many college friends and going out with them and so on. Instead of just hanging around and worrying over problems which eventually did not matter anymore (as of now).
Irony...
That word lingers in my head all the time...
Why?
That's because I struggle and struggle a lot to leave and find change. However at the end of it all, people like June and the others end up leaving for Aussie and as for me, i am stuck here yet again.
Jealous? Perhaps. Angry and malicious towards them? Not at all.
Even as a human, i have to admit that I go through negative feelings such as anger, hatred and jealousy. Jealousy, being the prominent negative feeling that i feel in this context.
What will my fate be?
Another 'interesting question' which i cannot answer.
I wonder and wonder and ponder endlessly but it is in vain. Nay, i cannot find the answer.
Even with time ticking, every second counting, I grow tired and bored of my daily activities.
I seek a change in life. One that can bring some good into this life.
Therefore, just like how i started of this post of my journal, i must take things one day at a time....
This is me, signing off...