It's been a while...
I really did mean to spend this time studying. I really did mark a few spots in my book, and take half a page of notes. And then I did come on the computer to type out my notes instead of writing them; this is when I knew it was all down hill...
Of course I have to check my facebook, and celebrity websites, and blogs that I read. Of course they would keep me distracted for a while; too long.
While reading a blog I saw this: "I'm having a nobody loves me day, but I know that's really not true. All I need is a nap." It seemed to sum up exactly how I felt today. I hate getting in these moods, I wish I knew what sparked them, and most importantly, I wish I knew how to stop them. Especially now with Craig in my life, I really hate to waste any time in a bad mood when he's around.
He was talking the other day about being in a self-destructing mood, and that's how I feel now. I feel all down on myself and instead of trying to fix it, I let it snowball into something even worse. The worst of me comes out during these times and it makes me even more upset. I think it just passes with time, instead of any other method. Everything just seems the worst right now. Of course just thinking about Craig brightens my mood completely, but its not enough to make me forget my mood.
It probably has to do with school; it makes the most sense. It's that feeling that I get when I feel myself losing control of something and I just let it all fall apart and play the victim. It seems like the easier thing to do at the time, but in the end, it just makes things that much more difficult. I don't know why it's so stuck in my head that things should be easier. I don't know if I should have gotten smarter over these last few years, and didn't. Or if I have grown, but not as quickly as I should be. Maybe I'm just a complainer, and everyone struggles. I hate the struggling.
I hate when I don't feel smart. When I live my everyday life, I feel smart. I feel witty, and I know a decent amount of information, and I'm decently intelligent. But when I have to be graded and judged on what I'm supposed to know at school, it really gets to me.
Maybe I was hanging around James too long. I thought it actually meant something to be smarter than him, but who am I comparing myself to really? Maybe it was part of the reason why I let myself hang out with all of those guys. Most of them barely got through high school, and wouldn't even consider going to college. But what have I really learned in college anyways?
Now I feel I'm off topic. Maybe getting back to Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton will lighten the mood.
And here's a picture.
P.S. Are you glad I finally updated?
Of course I have to check my facebook, and celebrity websites, and blogs that I read. Of course they would keep me distracted for a while; too long.
While reading a blog I saw this: "I'm having a nobody loves me day, but I know that's really not true. All I need is a nap." It seemed to sum up exactly how I felt today. I hate getting in these moods, I wish I knew what sparked them, and most importantly, I wish I knew how to stop them. Especially now with Craig in my life, I really hate to waste any time in a bad mood when he's around.
He was talking the other day about being in a self-destructing mood, and that's how I feel now. I feel all down on myself and instead of trying to fix it, I let it snowball into something even worse. The worst of me comes out during these times and it makes me even more upset. I think it just passes with time, instead of any other method. Everything just seems the worst right now. Of course just thinking about Craig brightens my mood completely, but its not enough to make me forget my mood.
It probably has to do with school; it makes the most sense. It's that feeling that I get when I feel myself losing control of something and I just let it all fall apart and play the victim. It seems like the easier thing to do at the time, but in the end, it just makes things that much more difficult. I don't know why it's so stuck in my head that things should be easier. I don't know if I should have gotten smarter over these last few years, and didn't. Or if I have grown, but not as quickly as I should be. Maybe I'm just a complainer, and everyone struggles. I hate the struggling.
I hate when I don't feel smart. When I live my everyday life, I feel smart. I feel witty, and I know a decent amount of information, and I'm decently intelligent. But when I have to be graded and judged on what I'm supposed to know at school, it really gets to me.
Maybe I was hanging around James too long. I thought it actually meant something to be smarter than him, but who am I comparing myself to really? Maybe it was part of the reason why I let myself hang out with all of those guys. Most of them barely got through high school, and wouldn't even consider going to college. But what have I really learned in college anyways?
Now I feel I'm off topic. Maybe getting back to Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton will lighten the mood.
And here's a picture.
P.S. Are you glad I finally updated?