Love -
So first things first. Craig and I first banged on March 18th, and became
bf/gf on May 2. A week or so after we first banged, maybe even immediately
after.. We started "dating," or whatever you may call it, pretty regularly. So
feelings have been festering since we first hooked up and stayed up until 5am
talking.
I soon began to talk about him at work to Brittany; and the more I talked
about him, she eventually started asking me if I was in love with him. I never
really knew what to say, because I didn't feel happy just saying "No, I don't
love him." But at the same time, it was way too new for those feelings to
really truly be there. I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to say I
love you to anyone until I really did love them. I didn't want to rush into
saying it just because I have strong feelings or because I think I have to or
because they say it first or because time has gone by and it is expected or
anything like that.
Thinking back to James, we told each other that we loved one another.. Craig
and I had talked about this, and whether or not he really loved his ex,
Sarina. We had both said it in our last relationships, but at the same time,
we both come from terrible relationships. Verbally abusive relationships. So I
wondered if he had really loved her, since she was so mean. And I had thought
about it a lot and realized that I never loved James, I had just said it cause
it seemed like a nice thing to say, and to feel. Plus I was 16 when I met him
and we started dating only a few months after knowing each other and had sex
only a few weeks or months after that and then some time after we were having
sex we said I love you to each other.
I never questioned it, I just figured, when you're with someone for a long
time like I was with him.. you just end up in love and that's that.
I remember always hearing references to Love, in movies and such, and people
trying to explain it. Explain what love is, and how it feels and stuff. I
never really understood what was so difficult to understand about loving
someone. I love my parents, I love my sisters, I love my family and my
friends. I loved James.. it was just happy.
Over the last week or so, hanging out with Craig.. I began getting this
overwhelming urge to just tell him that I love him. I wanted to spit the words
out to explain to him how I was feeling. But the rational side of myself
kicked in and told me to wait, and only say it when it's real love. These
thoughts never went away and I've had to keep my mouth shut in so many
situations as to not blurt it out. Even though text messages, especially
through text messages. I just felt love and wanted to express it, but I keep
asking myself if it's really love or if I just want to be in love.
I think I knew.. I did know; that I've never felt this way about anyone
before. The feeling is inexplainable. There are no words for it, its just an
experience, a feeling. A sense of being. Being in love.
We spend everyday together this week from Wednesday through Saturday because
of my memorial concert in San Diego for Mr. Lorenzen. The way that we look at
each other, and touch each other, and kiss each other, and lay with each
other, and have sex with each other. I feel the passion, and the energy, and
the emotion that we have for each other. We send each other constant text
messages about how much we can't express in words how we feel about one
another.
On the drive home from San Diego, I saw this look on his face. It looked like
how I felt. Slightly unsure but absolutely sure at the same time about how you
feel.. I wanted to ask questions, but I just let him sit with his thoughts. We
got to Menifee later and sat in my car to talk. I saw the look again. I was
super close a bunch of times, but still wouldn't let myself say it.
There have been hints of us both feeling it and wanting to say it, but we're
both waiting for the other to take the leap.
Then today he told me he was listening to a song that reminded him of me.
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros - Home. It amazing. It fills my heart up.
He makes me feel like my insides are melting, and my heart is going to burst
out of my chest. I don't just get butterflies in my stomach out of nervousness
and excitement.. I get them in my whole body like I can't control my heart. I
get that warm and fuzzy feeling. I get... speechless. There aren't any words
to explain this. And that's what love is.
I'm going to tell him. :)
.............................................................
Craig's song he found that fits us perfectly:
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros - Home
Alabama Arkansas I do Love my Ma and Pa
But not as much as I do Love you
Holy Moly Me oh My your the apple of my eye
Girl aint never loved one like you
Man o Man your my best friend I scream it to the nothingness
that we got everything we need
Hot and Heavy pumpkin pie
Chocolate candy Jesus Christ
Aint nothin please me more than you
(Chorus)
Home, Let me come Home
Home is Whenever Im with you
Home, yes I am Home
Home is wherever Im with you
Lalalala Take me Home
Mama Im Coming Home
I follow you into the park, thru the jungle thru the dark
Girl aint never loved one like you
Moats and boats and Waterfalls, Alleyways and payphone calls
I been everywhere with you
Laugh until we think we'll die, barefoot on a summer night
never could be sweeter than with you
like its only you and me jade/ebes your somethin to see
(Chorus)
Lalalala take me home
Mama Im Comin Home
Jade, you remember that night you fell outa my window?
ya you came jumpin out after me
well, you were bleedin all over the place and I covered your ass with your
dress and we went off to the hospital, you remember that?
ya
well there's somethin I never told you bout that night
what didnt you tell me?
well, while you were sitting in the back seat smokin a cigarrette you thought
was gona be your last, I was fallin deep, deep in love with you, and I never
told you till just now!
(Chorus)
Home, let me come home, home is wherever Im with you
Home, yes I am Home home is whenever Im with you!
Alabama Arkansas I do love my Ma and Pa
Yes Home, yes ward! home is whenever Im with you!
Home is whenever Im with you.
............................................................
My song I found that I think is pretty perfect about how I feel:
Taylor Swift - Today Was a Fairytale
Today was a fairytale
You were the prince
I used to be a damsel in distress
You took me by the hand and you picked me up at six
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
I wore a dress
You wore a dark grey t-shirt
You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
You've got a smile that takes me to another planet
Every move you make everything you say is right
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
All that I can say is it's getting so much clearer
Nothing made sense until the time I saw your face
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
Yeah yeah
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
I can feel my heart
It's beating in my chest
Did you feel it?
I can't put this down
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
bf/gf on May 2. A week or so after we first banged, maybe even immediately
after.. We started "dating," or whatever you may call it, pretty regularly. So
feelings have been festering since we first hooked up and stayed up until 5am
talking.
I soon began to talk about him at work to Brittany; and the more I talked
about him, she eventually started asking me if I was in love with him. I never
really knew what to say, because I didn't feel happy just saying "No, I don't
love him." But at the same time, it was way too new for those feelings to
really truly be there. I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to say I
love you to anyone until I really did love them. I didn't want to rush into
saying it just because I have strong feelings or because I think I have to or
because they say it first or because time has gone by and it is expected or
anything like that.
Thinking back to James, we told each other that we loved one another.. Craig
and I had talked about this, and whether or not he really loved his ex,
Sarina. We had both said it in our last relationships, but at the same time,
we both come from terrible relationships. Verbally abusive relationships. So I
wondered if he had really loved her, since she was so mean. And I had thought
about it a lot and realized that I never loved James, I had just said it cause
it seemed like a nice thing to say, and to feel. Plus I was 16 when I met him
and we started dating only a few months after knowing each other and had sex
only a few weeks or months after that and then some time after we were having
sex we said I love you to each other.
I never questioned it, I just figured, when you're with someone for a long
time like I was with him.. you just end up in love and that's that.
I remember always hearing references to Love, in movies and such, and people
trying to explain it. Explain what love is, and how it feels and stuff. I
never really understood what was so difficult to understand about loving
someone. I love my parents, I love my sisters, I love my family and my
friends. I loved James.. it was just happy.
Over the last week or so, hanging out with Craig.. I began getting this
overwhelming urge to just tell him that I love him. I wanted to spit the words
out to explain to him how I was feeling. But the rational side of myself
kicked in and told me to wait, and only say it when it's real love. These
thoughts never went away and I've had to keep my mouth shut in so many
situations as to not blurt it out. Even though text messages, especially
through text messages. I just felt love and wanted to express it, but I keep
asking myself if it's really love or if I just want to be in love.
I think I knew.. I did know; that I've never felt this way about anyone
before. The feeling is inexplainable. There are no words for it, its just an
experience, a feeling. A sense of being. Being in love.
We spend everyday together this week from Wednesday through Saturday because
of my memorial concert in San Diego for Mr. Lorenzen. The way that we look at
each other, and touch each other, and kiss each other, and lay with each
other, and have sex with each other. I feel the passion, and the energy, and
the emotion that we have for each other. We send each other constant text
messages about how much we can't express in words how we feel about one
another.
On the drive home from San Diego, I saw this look on his face. It looked like
how I felt. Slightly unsure but absolutely sure at the same time about how you
feel.. I wanted to ask questions, but I just let him sit with his thoughts. We
got to Menifee later and sat in my car to talk. I saw the look again. I was
super close a bunch of times, but still wouldn't let myself say it.
There have been hints of us both feeling it and wanting to say it, but we're
both waiting for the other to take the leap.
Then today he told me he was listening to a song that reminded him of me.
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros - Home. It amazing. It fills my heart up.
He makes me feel like my insides are melting, and my heart is going to burst
out of my chest. I don't just get butterflies in my stomach out of nervousness
and excitement.. I get them in my whole body like I can't control my heart. I
get that warm and fuzzy feeling. I get... speechless. There aren't any words
to explain this. And that's what love is.
I'm going to tell him. :)
.............................................................
Craig's song he found that fits us perfectly:
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros - Home
Alabama Arkansas I do Love my Ma and Pa
But not as much as I do Love you
Holy Moly Me oh My your the apple of my eye
Girl aint never loved one like you
Man o Man your my best friend I scream it to the nothingness
that we got everything we need
Hot and Heavy pumpkin pie
Chocolate candy Jesus Christ
Aint nothin please me more than you
(Chorus)
Home, Let me come Home
Home is Whenever Im with you
Home, yes I am Home
Home is wherever Im with you
Lalalala Take me Home
Mama Im Coming Home
I follow you into the park, thru the jungle thru the dark
Girl aint never loved one like you
Moats and boats and Waterfalls, Alleyways and payphone calls
I been everywhere with you
Laugh until we think we'll die, barefoot on a summer night
never could be sweeter than with you
like its only you and me jade/ebes your somethin to see
(Chorus)
Lalalala take me home
Mama Im Comin Home
Jade, you remember that night you fell outa my window?
ya you came jumpin out after me
well, you were bleedin all over the place and I covered your ass with your
dress and we went off to the hospital, you remember that?
ya
well there's somethin I never told you bout that night
what didnt you tell me?
well, while you were sitting in the back seat smokin a cigarrette you thought
was gona be your last, I was fallin deep, deep in love with you, and I never
told you till just now!
(Chorus)
Home, let me come home, home is wherever Im with you
Home, yes I am Home home is whenever Im with you!
Alabama Arkansas I do love my Ma and Pa
Yes Home, yes ward! home is whenever Im with you!
Home is whenever Im with you.
............................................................
My song I found that I think is pretty perfect about how I feel:
Taylor Swift - Today Was a Fairytale
Today was a fairytale
You were the prince
I used to be a damsel in distress
You took me by the hand and you picked me up at six
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
I wore a dress
You wore a dark grey t-shirt
You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
You've got a smile that takes me to another planet
Every move you make everything you say is right
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
All that I can say is it's getting so much clearer
Nothing made sense until the time I saw your face
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
Yeah yeah
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
I can feel my heart
It's beating in my chest
Did you feel it?
I can't put this down
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale